Mystery Shopper

Evansville, IN-Greg Diamond, 35, was brutally assaulted yesterday afternoon by employees at a well known department store after being positively identified as a mystery shopper.

Diamond works for Ghost Customers, a Denver based company whose mystery shoppers cover places such as department stores, restaurants, supermarkets and car retailers. Their role is to go in and report back objectively on the experience to the company in question.

For retail employees, mystery shoppers are the scum of the earth.

"We're on our feet all day. We come in to work on time and get paid minimum wage for completing basic, mind numbing tasks. The last thing we want is some fake shopper to ask us a million questions and then rat us out if we forget to ask the customer if he want us to wipe his nose. Last month, I got a bad review and now I'm on notice with management," said an angry Bonita Sanchez. "Once I heard he was a mystery shopper, I just lost my mind. All the anger I held back for years just poured out onto that dude."

Diamond, still in a fragile state, recalled the beating to the best of his ability.

"My task was simple," he mumbled as he popped two aspiring. "I just had to ask a list of questions about their dining room sets. I barely got the first question out when I heard a high pitched man scream, He's a spy! He's a spy!"

"I was then blind sided by an unknown assailant and shoved down the escalator, where an angry jewelry department was eagerly awaiting my arrival. They took turns beating me like a side of beef. The next few minutes felt like an eternity. I never knew women in their 60's could punch that hard."

Store surveillance footage captured a total of thirteen department store employees assaulting Diamond. The incident is currently under investigation with Evansville police.

Greg was allegedly "made" by a worker in the neighboring men's department who used to be a mystery shopper at Ghost Shoppers. It wasn't long before word spread throughout the store like food poisoning on a cruise ship.

Store management has deemed the mystery shopper program a huge success. Store manager, Kip Mercer, told MPG News, "From a legal standpoint, we are happy that the assault did not happen to an actual customer. We gained valuable knowledge from this exercise. Our customer service can only get better from here."