Are Emotions More Trouble Than They're Worth?
I said, "I don't believe you."
Obviously he got through to me. Now my experience tells me what an ally feelings can be, and how necessary. That's what I hope to share on this lens.
[Note: I talk about emotions and feelings on this lens. EMOTIONS ARE a physical response to a situation, like fear or sadness. Emotions are what they are. FEELINGS ARE more specific and have a thought component (your interpretation). Example: I feel like having Italian for dinner. This involves some judgment on your part.]
Main Contents
How Emotions Help Us (Overview)
DETAILS BELOW
- They give us helpful INFORMATION. (see #1 below)
- Emotions are essential for making GOOD DECISIONS. (see #2 below)
- They help us COMMUNICATE. (see #3 below)
- Emotions and feelings help us NAVIGATE through life. (see #4 below)
- They are the reason we have ENJOYMENT, react to beauty, know friendship and love. (see #5 below)
Feel What You Feel
WHATEVER YOU FEEL, ACKNOWLEDGE IT TO YOURSELF
WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH SOMEONE IS YOUR CHOICE
IF YOUR EMOTIONAL REACTION TO SOMETHING SEEMS IRRATIONAL, YOU MAY BE REACTING TO SOMETHING FROM THE PAST, NOT THE PRESENT
WE OFTEN BURY OUR FEELINGS BY RATIONALIZING THEM AWAY
Baseline tranquility . . .
1. Be Informed
EMOTIONS ARE INFORMATION FOR YOU, AND ABOUT YOU
ANGER is like a home security system. When it goes off it informs you that, in your perception, your space is being invaded in some way, or threatened.FEAR is like the alarm in a home security system. It wakes you up, gets you focused and ready
for action. For example, if someone pulls in front of you on the expressway, the adrenaline rush that comes with fear focuses you on keeping yourself safe. (Worry, is different . . . not helpful)
SADNESS tells us we've been disappointed or lost something we value (or think we won't get what we value). In spite of your state of the art security system, something is missing. Or perhaps the promotion you worked hard for doesn't materialize. Tears are cleansing, no matter why they are shed.
HAPPINESS gives a message too. Your life, at least for the time being, is in balance, and/or you feel connected, and/or you feel good about yourself. (Or you've won the lotto).
JEALOUSY is like wanting something your neighbor has and you realize you can't get past their security system (and you don't want to get arrested). But jealousy can give you good information about yourself. Let's say you are green with envy over Ed, the top salesman in your office. You probably want his success for yourself, or maybe envy his charisma.
If you are chronically jealous with your significant others, you are like a home security system that goes off when a bee lands on the window. Not everyone who talks to your S.O. is a threat. On the other hand, trust your instincts and check things out.
GRIEF is the result of losing something very valuable; as if the home security system failed and something valuable and irreplaceable was stolen. Though painful, grief is cleansing and healing. If we allow grief, rather than trying not to feel it, it helps us process the loss, and find a way past the worst of the pain.
2. Decisions and Feelings: Peas In A Pod
People that have damage to the emotion centers in the brain have a hard time making good decisions. The head and the heart, together, are necessary for making better choices. For example, you've researched all the ratings on new cars and there are 5 cars that meet your requirements. Then your feeling-self can help choose one by indicating which one you like, which one you feel good sitting in. 3. A Universal Language
It's well documented that all human beings share the same emotional language. Sad is sad in Oregon and in Tibet. An angry face is described angry by someone in London and in Siberia. Anywhere you travel, people can connect with, and understand you, on an emotional level. (You'd think we'd stop causing one another so much pain). 4. A Built In GPS System
Feeling and intuition are related. For that reason, feelings are like having an internal, personal GPS navigation system. If you are able to "read" people, or the energy in a room, it can help you make good choices about where to go, how to act, and what you wish to say. If you've ever walked in to a room and immediately felt it was filled with tension, then you've heard from your GPS. 5. Love, Beauty, Joy and Beer
Pain isn't fun, but much of our pleasure in life is derived from our emotions and feelings. Feelings help us recognize truth, appreciate beauty, and give us the experience of joy. Would people listen to music if they weren't moved by it in some way? Yes, even the pleasure of enjoying a cold beer requires feelings. 
Beauty is something we feel . . .
Autumn Emotions
AUTUMNAL EMOTION
Autumn and love are both mystical... Who, within this world, Will go on and on? My brush is halted And the words: a never fading Keepsake be, yet... Music by Secret Garden No copyright infringement intended. Song is owned by the Universal Music Group. Youtube's policy on the usage of UMG songs in videos can be found through this link: http://youtube.com/press_room_entry?e... QUOTE: "UMG broadly embraces the power and creativity of user-generated content, allowing users to incorporate music from UMG's recorded music catalog into the videos they create and upload onto YouTube. UMG and its artists will be compensated not just for UMG produced videos but also for the unique, user created content that incorporates UMG music.
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curated content from YouTube
Poetry About Emotion and Feelings
Communication Tip
ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO EXPRESS A FEELING IS TO START SENTENCES WITH THE WORD "I."
FOR EXAMPLE, "I'M ANGRY. I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR AN HOUR."
OR, "I FEEL HURT EVERY TIME YOU CALL ME SAUSAGE LEGS."
THIS REDUCES CONFLICT BECAUSE YOU ARE SHARING INFORMATION, NOT DIRECTLY ACCUSING THE OTHER PERSON
Workbooks for Emotional Health
Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
I use this workbook with clients and get a positive response from them about it. Some even bought the book to work with it on their own time. That rarely happens.
Amazon Price: $13.57 (as of 12/09/2009) 
The Excuse Me Your Life is Waiting Playbook
Like the book above, I use this workbook with clients. The exercises and their progression are excellent. The author believes we are all divine beings, and she believes in the "law of attraction." I've found that if a client doesn't believe the same, they often see what's in the workbook as metaphor, a fit it into their personal paradigm. I've been able to use the workbook with a diverse population.
Amazon Price: $15.61 (as of 12/09/2009)
Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
I considered buying this one when I bought "Don't Let Emotions Run Your Life" (above). Both books are based on what is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I choose the other because it seemed more user friendly to the clients I work with. However, this workbook looked worthwhile.
Amazon Price: $14.93 (as of 12/09/2009)
The Emotional Freedom Workbook: Take Control of Your Life And Experience Emotional Strength
I don't know a lot about this book. It focuses on shame, procrastination, depression and unhealthy relationships. I'll check it out further when I get my hands on a copy.
Amazon Price: $14.02 (as of 12/09/2009)
Emotions are a universal language
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DVD: Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child - DVD
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
In this 90-minute live presentation, Dr. Gottman provides an easy to follow overview of how to raise emotionally intelligent children. It teaches parents and caregivers how to be "emotion coaches" by being aware of a child's emotions.
Also available in book, cassette, video, and mp3 download formats.
For Girls . . .
The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions (American Girl)
Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Girls' mental health is the focus of The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions, a companion volume to The Care & Keeping of You. Opening sections explain emotions, others suggest how to handle powerful feelings and focus on developing positive self-esteem. Girls' comments and questions appear throughout. Ages 9-up. (from Publisher's Weekly)
Get More Information On These Sites & Pages
- EQ Alliance Forums
- The emotional intelligence directory and EQ Alliance Forums
- All About Emotional Intelligence
- A comprehensive resource for Emotional Intelligence in business, education, for families and individuals. Increase leadership, learning, and team effectiveness with research-proven emotional intelligence training and development.
- Emotional Smarts At Work
- Information on using emotional intelligence at work.
- Its My Life
- This site's section on emotions may appeal to children/adolescents 9-14 years old, give or take a couple years. There are games, videos, advice, and oh yes . . . good information.
- Test Your Emotional Intelligence Here
- A 20 minute online test.
- World Center for EFT
- EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques: Easy Free EFT Manual gives all basics for everyone. Complete training for serious students. 1000's of EFT articles. Forums. Help
- The Emotional Brain
- Excellent article on the brain and emotions.
- CHART: Facial Emotional Indicators
- Anxiety: Eyes damp; eyebrows slightly pushed together; trembling lower lip; chin possibly wrinkled; head slightly tilted down . . .
- ISRE
- International Society for Research on Emotion
- Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations
- The mission of the EI Consortium is to advance research and practice of emotional and social intelligence in organizations through the generation and exchange of knowledge.
Teaching Children About Emotions
How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger (Laugh And Learn)
Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Kids need help learning how to manage their anger. This book is written for 9-12 year olds (or anyone who wants a simple guide for expressing anger effectively, without stuffing it or using violence).
Heart and Mind Working Together Are Wings
Aromavera Starter Kit 8-piece-Ceramic Diffuser, Oils, and Candles.
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
This is nose mood management. A nice, and nicely priced, aromatherapy starter set.
Energy blend (peppermint, rosemary)
Relaxation blend (lavender, tangerine)
Sensuality blend (ylang ylang, patchouli)
Poem
THE WELL OF GRIEFThose who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else.
~ by David Whyte ~
Blog by Psydtraks
where the heart and mind go . . .
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byEmotional Intelligence Is . . .
from Changing Minds.Org
'Emotional Intelligence' is a neat metaphor that borrows from the notion of IQ. It implies that some people are better at handling emotions than others. It also hints that you might be able to increase your EQ. Practically, it offers a useful set of guidelines for doing just this.
SELF-AWARENESS
Being emotionally self-aware means knowing how you feel in "real time." Self-knowledge is the first step in being able to handle emotions. If you can see them and name them, then you at least then have a chance to do something about them.
EMOTIONAL LITERACY
Emotional literacy means being able to label emotions precisely. This includes the emotions of others and especially yourself. It also means being able to talk about emotions without getting overly emotional or (as happens with many people) denying them.
Emotional literacy is not using 'I feel...' statements to offer opinions, ideas, etc. Thus 'I feel that is a good idea' is not emotional literacy, whist 'I feel angry' is.
EMPATHY & COMPASSION
Empathy is the ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. If you can empathize, you can engender trust, as people desperately want to be understood at the emotional level. All great carers and nurturers major in empathy and compassion.
It also means appreciating and accepting differences between people, accepting that we have different priorities and capabilities around emotion.
BALANCE
The ability to balance emotion and reason in making decisions leads to good decisions. Emotion should not be abandoned, lest cold and callous decisions are made. Nor should logic be abandoned unless you want a wishy-washy outcome.
RESPONSIBILITY
Emotional Intelligence means taking primary responsibility for your own emotions and happiness. You cannot say that others "made" you feel the way you feel. Although they may be instrumental, the responsibility is yours, just as if you kill someone, there is no argument that says that someone else made you do it.
Help Yourself Shop
Facts About Emotions
- Emotions are not weapons.
- Emotions are not a shield.
- Emotions are not "who" you are. They are something "you" experience.
- If feelings and emotions are information, there are no "bad" ones.
- Feelings are not right, or wrong, unless you judge them to be.
- Your feelings will always tell the truth about your subjective experience in a given situation.
- Feelings don't need to be rational. We already have a mind for that.
Guestbook
Share your own thoughts, feelings, or experiences. Feedback welcome. Go ahead - express yourself!!
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Reply
- michaeldavid3 michaeldavid3 Aug 3, 2009 @ 6:38 pm
- Hello Jacqueline; I like this lens on emotions the way it is setup with quotes, books, and videos. I will use Carey's Emotions song for my self-esteem group of teen girls. I have been teaching esteem groups for three years. I have some tips for healing emotional trauma on my lens. I am also finishing writing a book on "The Power of Emotions," stories and methods to heal emotional suffering.
Blessings,
Michael David Lawrience
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Reply
- ftuley ftuley Jun 17, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
- Nicely done lens; I'll look forward to seeing more! 5 stars.
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- Susan_Carrell Susan_Carrell Feb 28, 2009 @ 8:06 pm
- This is a great lens! You share a lot of excellent tips on dealing with emotions. I'd love for you to check out my lens on dealing with guilt when you have a chance.
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- truth_heals truth_heals Jan 12, 2009 @ 10:49 pm
- Wonderful lens! You've put together a great collection of information and resources here. When you get a chance, please drop by my lens and say hello.
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Reply
- monarch13 monarch13 Dec 25, 2008 @ 3:05 pm
- Beautifully done! 5 stars and rolled to "Cope With Anger, Create Happiness".
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