Funky Fauna

Hedgehogs are not, to the best of my knowledge, prone to killing the daylights out of people. If you're a cricket, however, you may want to watch your step, for hedgehogs are insectivores: that means they eat bugs.

I have been partial to hedgehogs ever since I read a story involving hedgehogs and horse chestnuts. It was the most hilarious thing my five-year-old self had ever seen.

Admit it, isn't that the most adorable thing you ever saw?

Okay, maybe octopodes are not the most photogenic creatures on the planet. They are, however, so smart it's a little terrifying: they can disguise themselves as coconuts and sea snakes, sabotage electrical systems, sneak out of their tanks for midnight snacks, and do a convincing imitation of Miss Cleo.

P.S. "Octopodes" is the classically correct plural of "octopus", which is derived from Greek, but "octopi" and "octopuses" are also acceptable.

Okay, I admit it: A large portion of my fondness for weasels involves the fact that "weasel" is a great word. Just say it to yourself a couple of times and you'll see what I mean. Of course, it helps that they're intensely cute, as you can see by the picture, and they are also merciless killing machines. Really, what's not to love?

Weasels are essentially the same as ferrets -- what they're called depends on the exact species of Mustela -- and live on all inhabited continents except Australia. Many people keep ferrets as pets, the better to make videos of the famous weasel war dance.

Few mammals are as naturally stylin' as the European Badger. (The American Badger is kind of homely and scruffy-looking, like a nerf herder.) Look at that streamlined nose and snazzy eye stripes! They're also tough little suckers with thick skin, hard heads, and jaws of DOOM. You may know them best as the mascots of House Hufflepuff in the Harry Potter books, which should tell you never to mess with a Hufflepuff.

And if that doesn't convince you of the badassitude of badgers, consider that badgers are closely related to weasels. Respect the teeth.

There's nothing in nature quite as big and round and jolly-looking as a hippopotamus. Which is proof that Nature is sneaky, because hippos are actually hostile jerks who would just as soon crush your head as look at you. (Of course, this just endears them to me all the more, because I'm weird like that.) Their nearest living relatives in the animal kingdom are whales and dolphins, and they secrete their own sunscreen! Even if you're blasé about head-crushing, you have to respect a neat trick like that.