Bucket List: Must I?

Somehow, making bucket lists is beginning to seem to me like a Hallmark holiday. You know -- the ones they make up so people will run out and buy cards and neon-hued stuffed bears clutching hearts and flowers. Or little gold plastic trophies proclaiming Best Bucket List Ever. Can Bucket List Day be far behind?

Maybe this makes me a grouch or curmudgeon, but I keep wondering why we need to formalize our goals and aspirations to this extent; to entomb them within neatly numbered lists that we then dutifully drag with us as we plow through each item.

What's the bucket list protocol, anyway? Can you change your mind? Delete items you've had second thoughts about? Rearrange them? What if you can only think of 12 goals? How many bucket items do you need to be "legitimate" and not seem like a slacker? I see the number "100" invoked a lot.

And then there's the matter of list order. What happens if "spend more time with my spouse" is on the list? That probably should be pretty high up. But hold on. Once an item is checked off, is that the end of it? Remember all the other things that have to be done. Can't let an old bucket list item get in the way of accomplishing one that still needs doing. Of course, you can always place the time/spouse thing lower down the list. Just make sure you don't put it too far down or you might not have a spouse to spend time with.

Speaking of spouses, do couples share a single bucket list or does each person maintain a separate one? And what happens in the event of bucket list incompatibility? Suppose you jump in with 100 big, juicy goals and your spouse only has 12 that all revolve around jewelry? In the future, will this be considered grounds for divorce? Will couples therapy become necessary? And if you do happen to part, who gets custody of the shared list?

The ordering of these lists also seems problematical. Say you have 100 bucket list items and skydiving is #89. You could be pretty old by the time you get to it. Is jumping out of a plane when you're 95 really that great an idea (the movies notwithstanding)? On the other hand, if skydiving is #100 and things go awry, at least you will have completed your list, thereby earning the right to have "He died with his bucket done" chiseled on your tombstone (or, alternatively, "She really KICKED that bucket list.")

And what happens if you run out of you before you run out of list? Are you doomed to roam eternity like Marley's Ghost, dragging the chains of your unfinished items behind you? Clankety clankety.

Of course, enterprising people can get around all of this by hiring stand-ins, the same way they pay people to take the SAT in their stead. With sufficient wherewithal, in fact, you can knock out your entire bucket list in a weekend. Just marshal your minions, dole out their tasks, and set them loose.

Get that Bucket List out of the way early and then you can go back to living your life. Just make sure that your life partner has been similarly efficient, or you'll be stuck working through someone else's bucket list.

Why are there no rules? Bucket lists are tricky, I tell you. There ought to be rules. And maybe a branch of law. And monitors. And enforcers.

These bucket lists are serious business. Some people are very secretive about their lists -- keeping them private and sharing the contents with only a select few at most. Others publish and proclaim their lists -- posting them to web sites, trading copies with friends and even complete strangers.

Already there are dedicated web sites to enable people to post their lists and manage them. Total access is necessary -- even when you don't have your computer with you -- because you never know when an opportunity to check off a bucket list item will come your way.

I predict that eventually there will be bucket list competitions (similar to, but hopefully not as revolting as those hot dog eating competitions). Perhaps bucket list exhibitions with judging and ribbons will become a feature of county fairs. And perhaps these smaller, local gatherings eventually will evolve into national -- and international -- awards shows with red carpets, fancy gowns, and bucket-shaped trophies in crystal or bronze.

In fact, I also predict that Bucket List: The Reality Series will soon appear on a network near you. But don't sit around waiting for the movie. That bucket has already been emptied.

Of course, adults who are just beginning to make bucket lists are at something of a disadvantage because they are starting so late. Fortunately, their children and grandchildren won't be similarly fettered (except. of course, by the weight of expectations). It's never too early to start setting goals, so courses in bucket-list-making should be offered from a very early age. If necessary, math or social studies should be dropped from the curriculum to make room. In college, a bucket list major should be established. Those with a natural talent for making these bucket lists will, of course, go on to advanced study -- eventually earing a Ph.B. for their achievements. Nobel and Pulitzer prize categories will expand to include Bucket Lists.

Naturally, Bucket List badges will be added to the roster of scouting achievements.

I believe that Bucket Lists may serve as a catalyst for eventual peace in the Middle East -- although this could go awry, if each country happens to include "annihilate [fill in country of choice]" on its list. Perhaps the U.N. can step in to mediate.

In terms of the general future, will bucket lists become as standard a part of our lives as a driver's license or bank account? Perhaps there will be bucket list accounts. Or perhaps accomplishing appropriate items on a bucket list will result in lower insurance rates, merchandise discounts, or frequent flyer miles.

I can certainly envision people sending cards to each other to mark milestone bucket list accomplishments.

What did I tell you? Hallmark(TM). Definitely.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, a straw.

The straw is too long,
Then cut it, dear Henry,
With what shall I cut it
With an ax, dear Henry,
The ax is too dull,
Then sharpen it,
With what shall I sharpen it,
With a stone,
The stone is too dry,
Then wet it,
With what shall I wet it,
With water,
In what shall I carry it,
In a bucket,

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

At this point, she upends the bucket on his head and leaves town. At least, that's what happens in my fantasy.

For some people, a scribbled list on a sheet of paper will be sufficient documentation for the bucket list. Others might prefer to pursue online solutions. Beyond these options, however, are physical representations of the list and subsequent accomplishments.

One way to organize a determined bucket list effort is to make a Bucket Book. This might become the end product or it might be an interim step before a scrapbook or other memory album is created.

A Bucket Book will keep all list-related material in one neat location. Photos can be filed there; notes and anecdotes can be recorded. While a lot of information may reside in one's computer, it can be very satisfying to thumb through an ever-enlarging notebook of accomplishments.

Want a more sociable option? Get together with friends and work on your lists together. Form a club. Perhaps a Bucket[list] Brigade.

This is a great gift idea. In fact, you could start a family tradition. Give each family member a bucket notebook and a couple of times a year (on Thanksgiving, for example) people can share their books and add new goals to their own bucket lists. Perhaps there would even be a family bucket item that goes on everybody's list.

Start with a great, personalized 3-ring binder. I just happen to have one... It's fully customizable. Or create one from scratch on Zazzle.

Oh -- and no need to worry about formatting your pages. On the Microsoft Office web site you can download a Bucket List Template.

Bucket List Book
by aresby

If you know someone who is working diligently on his/her bucket list and they've reached a special milestone (or of if you just want to offer encouragement), consider sending one of these cards. Fully personalizable and customizable.