Nonverbal Communication: Reading the Signals

The meaning behind our words can be enhanced or can be misconstrued depending on the body language that accompanies it. When a listener receives mixed signals, they are forced to choose between the verbal and the nonverbal communication. More often than not they will choose to believe the nonverbal aspect of the message. Mixed messages can create tension and distrust.

Everyone reads some Body Language, especially the visual cues. This included facial expression, eye movement, gestures and posture. Facial expression and eye movement are the biggest factors. We read them without being consciously aware of it. We count of those cues, a fact that becomes apparent when talking with someone that has blocked the signals with dark glasses or a mask.

Gestures are harder to read, especially when communicating with someone from another culture. When someone nods their head, I read it as agreement and the side-to-side movement indicates disagreement or disapproval. In many cultures the signals are opposite. Reading the cues wrong can add a great deal of confusion to the conversation.

Body posture is another strong indicator. It can denote self-confidence, aggressiveness, guilt, fear, even anxiety.

Tactile cues involves touching. It is the handshake, the pat on the back, and the hugs. Was the hug spontaneous or forced? Was the pat on the back consolatory or a way of saying well done? Taken alone, tactile cues are hard to read. A pat on the back can mean Good job! or Better luck next time. As with all Nonverbal Cues, they need to be teamed with the rest. None can truly stand alone.

It's not what he's saying, but how he's saying it. The meaning of words can be significantly altered by a change in intonation. No means no, but was it delivered with doubt in the voice? Anger? Amazement? Was its sharp? When listening we need to focus on the tone as well as what is being said. Communication Skills: Learn How to Listen explores the topic in more detail.