Funny Quotes
Ranked #281 in Books, Poetry & Writing, #13,888 overall
Have A Little Laugh
I am starting a collection of not so serious quotes from famous people.
So far I don't have too many that I really like and my hope is that it grows to be quite a sizable collection of not so serious quotes.
Funny but wise at the same time, that's how I like them.
I would appreciate any quotes that you can post in the Guest Book, providing that they are clean and funny. Thanks.
CLIP ART
This Squidoo lens was updated on May 27/12
A JokeTo Put A Smile On Your Face
A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job,but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position.
"Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
From The Archives
Photo
Funny Billboard Found While Surfing
Love Those Quotes From A Very Funny Guy
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.-Rodney Dangerfield-
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- Rodney Dangerfield-
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
--Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked
at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
--Rodney Dangerfield-
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield -
Interesting Quotes Books
Quotes From A Woman's Point Of View
Men are so willing to respect anything that bores them.- Marilyn Monroe-
I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller-
If you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
-Marilyn Monroe-
The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
-Nancy Astor -
I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time.
--Marilyn Munroe-
If it's true that men are such beasts,
this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers.
--Doris Day-
I have always wanted to be somebody,
but I see now I should have been more specific.
-Lily Tomlin-
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to
read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot.
-Marilyn Monroe-
Photo
Make Money With Free Plants
More Quotes From Famous Women
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."- Katharine Hepburn-
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her."
- Agatha Christie-
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
-Mae West-
Never go to bed mad.
Stay up and fight.
-Phyllis Diller-
Photo
Funny Quotes From Wise Ben
There are three faithful friends -an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
-Benjamin Franklin-
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,
half shut afterwards.
-Benjamin Franklin-
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin-
Franklin
A Few More Poutine Lenses
How Often Do You Enjoy Reading Funny Quotes?
I would like to know if you enjoy reading quotes and if yes how often?
Loading poll. Please Wait...
We Interrupt This Lens For A Friendly Commercial
Curious George Sleepy George Set of Two Cotton Pajamas for Boys
From: CrazyForBargains.com
Who's Blogging About Funny Quotes
- Interesting Matt Flynn Quotes
- And yes, I have a beautiful girlfriend? Ok, that might now count as a particularly interesting quote, but I found it funny. Everyone gets asked how they like the new City they just moved to. I just thought it was awesome that he found a way to mention ...
- Stage reviews: 'Starcatcher' is fun; 'Clybourne' reflective
- Everywhere the dialogue is rife with funny anachronisms and butchered near-quotes ("no man is an archipelago"), running from Shakespeare to Dr. Dolittle. The result is a dual tribute, to the glorious make-believe of Victorian/Edwardian adventure tales ...
- Top 5 Funniest Quotes from Khloe & Lamar Season 2, Episode 12: “The Truth Will ...
- Here are the top five funny quotes from last night's finale. Khloe: So do you think I should get a peacock? Khloe: I'm still waiting on my brown lamb. Oh my god, maybe in Texas I can find one. Khloe (to Kourtney): No matter what, you're still my twin ...
- Boston comedian peddling humorous US history book
- The Nazis have invaded France and are coming for England, and Donovan quotes Winston Churchill, standing before the British Parliament, delivering one of his famous speeches. "We shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, ...
A Lens To Check From Another Canadian Squidooer
Come and enjoy a few laughs.Quotes From Woody Allen
I don't want to be immortal through my work.
I want to be immortal through not dying.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans
A stockbroker is someone who invests other
people's money until it's all gone.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away.
They make it into television shows.
Picture
A Few More Funny Quotes
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'. Thena voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.
-Charles M. Schulz-
A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.
-Oscar Fingal O'Flaherie Wilde-
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.
It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
- Arthur C. Clarke, -
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
Joey Adams
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not
giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
-Albert Einstein-
Everything is changing.
People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
-Will Rogers-
Of course I believe in luck.
How otherwise to explain the success of some people you detest?
-Jean Cocteau-
Clipart
Do You Have A Funny Quote To Share With Me?
-
-
cynthia-ann-leighton
May 26, 2012 @ 10:04 pm | delete
- Maybe it's only funny because of the verrry long string of disasters I've survived? 'Tis true... on a good day 'tis funny too:-)
"That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" Friedrich Nietzsche
-
-
-
Camden
May 16, 2012 @ 3:59 pm | delete
- My daughter always shares this one:
"Never trust anything you read on the Internet" ~ Abraham Lincoln
-
-
-
futurefocus57
May 11, 2012 @ 12:55 pm | delete
- Here is my all time favorite: "You're only as old as the woman you feel." Groucho Marx
Enjoyed this immensely!@ Take care.
-
-
-
marsha32 May 11, 2012 @ 1:14 am | delete
- laughter is the best medicine :)
-
-
-
RinchenChodron
May 2, 2012 @ 4:01 pm | delete
- Enjoyed your lens!
-
- Load More
Giant Squid Geeks
Senior Geek Squids Who Are Also Giant Squids
If you're a member of this group and you're also a Giant Squid, add your Squidoo Lensmaster Profile link to this list. Snag it: add this list to your blog, lens or web site!
4
Poutine - Squidoo Lensmaster Page
Poutine is a French-Canadian Senior Geek who loves more...2 points
created by Pastiche
by poutine
Not So Serious quotes to Brighten Your Morning
Rodney Dangerfield wise quotes.
Create Your Badge
Remember today to do a kind thing. It doesn't...
more »
- 111 featured lenses
- Winner of 18 trophies!
- Top lens » Kids Who Make A Difference In This Crazy World
Feeling creative?
Create a Lens!
Explore related pages
- Quotes From American Presidents Quotes From American Presidents
- Sewing Kits For Kids Sewing Kits For Kids
- Emily Bear Emily Bear
- Top 10 Most Comforting Things Top 10 Most Comforting Things
- Comfortable Crocs Shoes For Women And Kids Comfortable Crocs Shoes For Women And Kids
- yellow has always been my favorite color yellow has always been my favorite color
The New Yorker Book of Teacher Cartoons
Funny Monkey Trucks Romper with Hanger
Cutie Pie Baby-boys Infant 2 Pack
Cutie Pie Baby-boys Infant 2 Pack Funny Monkey Trucks Romper with Hanger
Amazon Price: (as of 06/03/2012)
100% cotton
Machine Wash
Funny monkey
Franco Apparel Baby-Boys Newborn
Peanuts Terry Coverall Rompers Set
Franco Apparel Baby-Boys Newborn Peanuts Terry Coverall Rompers Set
Amazon Price: (as of 06/03/2012)
100% cotton Terry coverall keeps baby warm comfortable and cute
