The Twisted 'paths' In Our Lives: Anti Social Disorders

Yes, there are psychopaths walking among us, and we deal with them every day, whether we know it or not. In fact, about 4% of the population is affected by this anti-social disorder.

The images that come to mind when thinking about the word psychopath are pretty scary; like Norman Bates, wielding that knife as he approaches the shower. However, most psychopaths are not violent murderers. They are people we deal with regularly; like the bank teller, the shop keeper, or even your neighbor, or spouse.

So what is a psychopath?

Basically, a psychopath is a person without emotion; without conscience or fear. They engage in social activities only if there will be some sort of personal gain from doing so, and typically take advantage of others to inflate their feelings of power and control. They tend to establish relationships with others only to further their own goals. Once a person has served their purpose to the psychopath, they are often cast aside as being unimportant to the psychopath.
www.freewebs.com/zafiranet/psychopathssociopaths.htm

In today's society, the word sociopath is used more frequently than psychopath, but the words are not completely interchangeable. The psychopath tends to act out more aggressively, with criminal or perverted behaviors, without empathy or remorse, while the sociopath demonstrates abnormal social behavior, it is typically more focused around some personal benefit for the sociopath.

The sociopath is completely self-absorbed, caring nothing for others. The sociopath tends to be more of an outcast, socially, than the psychopath. Sociopaths lack empathy, are emotionally vacant, and manipulate others to their own ends.

Both the psychopath and the sociopath suffer from anti-social disorders. Both wear masks to keep others from seeing their true selves. This is why most people fail to recognize the psychos (paths) in their own lives. It is far easier to manipulate other people if you are liked by them than if they are afraid of you.

Basically, the psychopath is a sociopath who is a doer. As my understanding of it goes, the sociopath is just more subversive than the psychopath. The sociopath is more of a mental abuser, while the psychopath has no problem adding violence to the mix.

In my own life I have dealt with several 'paths'. My first husband is a classic example of a sociopath; he loves to mess with others' minds. My second husband was/is a psychopath. Fortunately for me, I escaped both of them and my third husband is neither; he is the most wonderful man on earth.

However, I still have to deal with a 'path' in my life. Thankfully I do not live with this person. It is much easier to keep them at arm's length when they are not related to you in any way.

My 'path' seems to want to be as much like me as possible. She follows me and tries to add as much to her life as she can to make it resemble my own. She even tries to establish relationships with my friends. I guess I should be flattered, but I am not. Actually, I find it quite scarry. Fatal Attraction?

If you were to ask her to describe herself, her bio would resemble mine so closely that in cannot be coincidental.

I have been married to my husband for 12 years, and we've known each other for 30 years. I have one published book and have another finished manuscript that is 50,000 words. I've been earning a living as a freelance writer for the last five years now. I have been advocating for victims of domestic violence since 1997 following my own escape.

Unlike most stalkers, she actually hates me; she does not adore me like most stalkers do their victims. I believe she hates me because I represent all that she is not but wants to be. It is this hatred of me that makes me believe that she could be potentially dangerous.

She also tells other people that I do the freakish things that she does, when in reality I do not. She is a manipulator and a schemer.

My 'path' is also a freak! She is in her late thirties and dresses like a gothic teenager. Her children are freaks too. When they walk together, down the street, they look like a circus parade. (No, I do not dress this way. I'm a jeans and T-shirts kind of gal.)

She is a prolific liar, except that she sometimes forgets the lies she tells, and her stories get retold differently. For example: the day she tied to kill me... She tried to run me down with her vehicle. I have heard more than one version of this story from her. First she says that all she was doing that day was returning from taking her kids to school, then she tells it that she was home in bed, sleeping when the event took place. Then, a couple of years after the incident, she approaches me to tell me that she wasn't trying to run me down at all, "...it was just a joke." The best part of the whole thing is that she keeps telling people that I am the one who can't keep her story straight. My story, well, it's all there in the police report.

My first husband, the sociopath, was verbally and emotionally abusive to me during our relationship; before and after marriage. (Ours was a 10 year relationship at the point I had left him for good.)

My second husband, the psychopath, was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive throughout the relationship; however, the violence did not begin until after we had been living living together and the ring was on my finger. I am still unable to write about some of the things that psycho did to me, as they were very humiliating to live through and remembering them is still unpleasant. (Fortunately, I left the psycho after only four years. We were only married for a year and ten months of that time.)

I had been single for approximately six months between these two relationships. I had so much yet to learn.

What did these two men have in common besides me? Well they were/are major control freaks. It has to be their way or no way. The highway is not an option, because with them, if you don't comply immediately, you will be forced to eventually. They both loved to drink, which only made matters worse for me. They both had very low self-esteem, and made up for it by hurting others.

My first husband wanted me because he could control me. My second husband looked upon me as his trophy wife. (I am nine years his junior.) He'd parade me around and show me off to his friends, but if another man looked at me with any interest, I was in for hell when we got home. Never mind that he always told me what to wear when we went any place, it was my fault that other men found me something to look at.

Story: My 29th birthday was one I'll never forget.

Psycho bought me a sexy outfit for my birthday. It was a black suede halter top and mini skirt. He told me that I was to wear it out for dinner that night. So, I got dressed up and was in the bathroom, putting on my make up when he strolls up and says, "You look like a French whore." I was wearing the outfit he'd bought and told me to wear, and when I reminded him of this, he told me it wasn't the outfit, it was my make up. Then he said this, "When you have an old car and give it a paint job, it is still an old car under the paint." Nice guy, eh?

We ended up having dinner at the restaurant of his choice, not mine. The most expensive restaurant in the area too... He didn't have enough cash to pay the bill, so I got stuck paying for our dinners. To make a long story short, I ended up spending that evening sleeping on the couch; I was in bed, fuming by 10:30 P.M. too.

My thirtieth birthday was much better. I had filed for divorce the day before.

photo [Psycho Path] courtesy of
http://www.leelanaupost.com/2006/02/department_of_dubious_honors.html

So, do you know who the 'paths' are in your life? I could name mine... Here's a list of 'path' characteristics:

* Glibness and Superficial Charm

* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

* Incapacity for Love

* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities: if that's what you call 'em.

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

Author Unknown

A sociopath/psychopath does not necessarily demonstrate every single one of these traits. Being that these traits also apply to the psychopathic personality as well as the sociopath many use the terms interchangeably.

To me, one of the most terrifying traits of the psychopath is their intelligence. Most seem to have above average intelligence, which is what can be so potentially dangerous. High intelligence; no conscience or fear.

Whereas most psychopaths never actually become outwardly violent, the potential is there. All serial killers are psychopaths, but not all psychopaths are serial killers.

Photo courtesy of: funnypics4all.com

Who have been the most prevalent 'Paths' in my life? What are the characteristics they demonstrate?


First Husband Sociopath



1. Intelligent

2. Egotistical

3. Low self-esteem

4. Liar

5. Emotionally shallow

6. Lack of empathy

7. Controlling

8. Unreliable

9. Selfish

10. Verbally abusive


Second Husband Psychopath



1. Paranoid

2. Low self esteem

3. Compulsive liar

4. Emotionally shallow

5. Controlling

6. Selfish

7. Unreliable

8. Verbally and physically abusive

9. Lack of empathy

10. Impulsive



Both of these men abused alcohol and or drugs while I was married to them. Being drunk allowed them to feel more in control of the world around them and to inflate their self esteem. My second husband referred to it as having beer muscles.



My stalker Sociopath


1. Unreliable

2. Inflated sense of self

3. Low self esteem

4. Impulsive

5. Compulsive liar

6. Emotionally shallow


And I am sure there are several other characteristics that I have left out because I do my best to keep my distance from her.


The solution to ridding myself of my 'paths' was to avoid them. I divorced the first two and I keep as far away from the third as I am able.

The Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The decep -tion wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someon e points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York State convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sew age. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost .

Remember, they walk among us!

Domestic abuse Resources

It was sent to me from my great-uncle, a man whom I barely know, but love dearly; a man generous with kindness. I am grateful for this message from him; it reflects how I feel about life and offers some very profound wisdom. At least I think it does. It got me to thinking, at any rate.





Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio



"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.