A Mom's-Eye View on Taking the President's Advice, One Day at a Time
Tucked among Lego models, sports memorabilia, and other treasures my 10-year-old guards carefully in his bed's built-in drawers is a letter from Barack Obama he got in July 2008, when he was 9. Long story short, it was in response to some peace-themed Ts from our Zazzle shop that my son sent along to the Obama girls with a little note. I got his okay to share with you some lines from the letter he got back a few weeks later.
Truth is, it most likely was a (very nice) form letter, penned by a campaign staffer. But its messages are pure Barack.
Our prez is known for balancing the lofty with the practical. In that spirit, I'll try to throw a little of both into this lens.
image: Shepard Fairey
"Don't take that
comfortable road."
"Creating change and making the world a better place is not always easy, and you will probably find in your life that it is more comfortable to ignore injustices that don't affect you directly," then-Sen. Obama wrote in his letter. "Don't take that comfortable road. Challenge yourself to make a difference."
As a parent, and a former kid ;), I feel like to care about injustices, children first need to know about them. Schools help with this, of course. Just looking at my older son's textbooks, I can see they're trying much harder now than in the old days to tell the full story about dark moments in American history--the Trail of Tears, the birth of slavery, the Civil War...
We need to talk about these things at home, too. I'll never forget washing dishes with my dad during the 1972 presidential race. Not sure how the subject came up, but Dad explained why he wasn't going to vote for Nixon. He told me, in ways a 6-year-old could understand, why he thought the Vietnam War was wrong. He also copped to basic self-interest: Choosing the anti-war candidate (then and in future elections) might help protect my brothers from a draft.
Sometimes my kids ask questions about injustices out of the blue, during mundane tasks like the dishes. More often, they're provoked by a book. One of the books we've read together in the past year or so is The Watsons Go to Birmingham--1963 by Christopher Paul Curtis. It sparked a conversation about the Freedom Riders, whether we would have been brave enough to join them had we been around back then. We talked about why Rosa Parks decided one day to stand her ground, and whether we would have been brave enough to do that. We agreed that no, we probably wouldn't have been, but that developing that kind of courage is not a bad long-term goal.
As a parent, and a former kid ;), I feel like to care about injustices, children first need to know about them. Schools help with this, of course. Just looking at my older son's textbooks, I can see they're trying much harder now than in the old days to tell the full story about dark moments in American history--the Trail of Tears, the birth of slavery, the Civil War...
We need to talk about these things at home, too. I'll never forget washing dishes with my dad during the 1972 presidential race. Not sure how the subject came up, but Dad explained why he wasn't going to vote for Nixon. He told me, in ways a 6-year-old could understand, why he thought the Vietnam War was wrong. He also copped to basic self-interest: Choosing the anti-war candidate (then and in future elections) might help protect my brothers from a draft.
Sometimes my kids ask questions about injustices out of the blue, during mundane tasks like the dishes. More often, they're provoked by a book. One of the books we've read together in the past year or so is The Watsons Go to Birmingham--1963 by Christopher Paul Curtis. It sparked a conversation about the Freedom Riders, whether we would have been brave enough to join them had we been around back then. We talked about why Rosa Parks decided one day to stand her ground, and whether we would have been brave enough to do that. We agreed that no, we probably wouldn't have been, but that developing that kind of courage is not a bad long-term goal.
"Look up
the word 'empathy.'"
"If you don't already know what it means," Obama's letter continued, "I want you to look up the word 'empathy' in the dictionary. I believe we don't have enough empathy in our world today, and it is up to your generation to change that."
I hope--I dare to believe--that our new president will model empathy in his dealings with other nations. It's not about putting their needs before ours. It's about balancing our needs with theirs and looking for areas where those needs intersect. That isn't going to be easy, but at this point it seems like the only way forward.
Kids can learn this, too. Simple friendships provide constant on-the-job training in balancing their own needs with someone else's. We don't even have to explain this to young kids: If you're 4 and you cheat at Go Fish, your friend won't play Go Fish again with you 10 minutes later. It's an instant, unspoken "performance review."
What we can do is give kids the chance to play with their friends. For some families, maybe that means scaling back the "Baby Monet" type enrichment classes to create more free time. For others it's a little more complicated. (If you're a single parent working 3 jobs to keep the house heated, it may be tough to host playdates. And your kid may need more structure in his nonschool hours, not less.) But the bottom line is that all adults--parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, paid caregivers--can promote empathy just by teaching kids to be good friends.
There are other ways, too. Maybe I'm just cheap, but I've always asked my guys to make homemade birthday cards. What does that have to do with empathy? When you make a card for someone else, I had to remind in the early days, you need to write or draw something that that person will think is cool. If you're, say, a 6-year-old male Star Wars fanatic who's been invited to a female classmate's birthday party, you can't just put light sabres on the card. You've gotta throw in a butterfly, or some flowers, or at the very least make sure Princess Leia is wielding one of those sabres.
Writing thank-you notes is another simple act that is "other directed." You'd think that after nearly a decade, our guys would be done grousing about having to write these, but occasionally one of them still does. Oh well. Some habits are worth the hassle.
I hope--I dare to believe--that our new president will model empathy in his dealings with other nations. It's not about putting their needs before ours. It's about balancing our needs with theirs and looking for areas where those needs intersect. That isn't going to be easy, but at this point it seems like the only way forward.
Kids can learn this, too. Simple friendships provide constant on-the-job training in balancing their own needs with someone else's. We don't even have to explain this to young kids: If you're 4 and you cheat at Go Fish, your friend won't play Go Fish again with you 10 minutes later. It's an instant, unspoken "performance review."
What we can do is give kids the chance to play with their friends. For some families, maybe that means scaling back the "Baby Monet" type enrichment classes to create more free time. For others it's a little more complicated. (If you're a single parent working 3 jobs to keep the house heated, it may be tough to host playdates. And your kid may need more structure in his nonschool hours, not less.) But the bottom line is that all adults--parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbors, paid caregivers--can promote empathy just by teaching kids to be good friends.
There are other ways, too. Maybe I'm just cheap, but I've always asked my guys to make homemade birthday cards. What does that have to do with empathy? When you make a card for someone else, I had to remind in the early days, you need to write or draw something that that person will think is cool. If you're, say, a 6-year-old male Star Wars fanatic who's been invited to a female classmate's birthday party, you can't just put light sabres on the card. You've gotta throw in a butterfly, or some flowers, or at the very least make sure Princess Leia is wielding one of those sabres.
Writing thank-you notes is another simple act that is "other directed." You'd think that after nearly a decade, our guys would be done grousing about having to write these, but occasionally one of them still does. Oh well. Some habits are worth the hassle.
"Look out
for other people."
"I leave you with three bits of advice that will make your life more fulfilling," the letter concluded. "Look out for other people, even when it does not directly benefit you; strive to make a difference everywhere you go; and get back up every time you are knocked down."
So the themes here are caring and resilience. And conveniently, the two go hand in hand. Kids who help others are better able to ward off depression and other emotional problems, because service feels good. People are just wired that way. We all need to be useful, to connect with a larger purpose in some small way. It's stressful when too many people seem to need you, but I would argue it's even more stressful when nobody does.
For kids, structured group efforts like team sports, scouting type clubs, etc., can be great building blocks for that sense of collective purpose the President hopes to rally in all our hearts. Family volunteerism and school-based service learning are powerful tools, too, and Obama seems committed to expanding those sorts of opportunities. I'm always excited to find realistic, manageable service projects for my kids (whatever we can squeeze around homework--don't get me started) and to try and help with the ones their schools coordinate.
But collective purpose starts, really, at home. For every youth service project that attracts local newspaper coverage, there are 10 boring piles of laundry that nobody cares about. The hubby and I make it our kids' job to care. Why? Well, for one thing, it's not fair for one or two people to be stuck managing five people's clothes. But more importantly, chores like this build the habit of doing something for someone besides yourself--one sock at a time. Yes, kids can evade these "life skills" now and figure them out later, in college or their first apartments. What's tougher to build from a cold start is the give and take involved in being part of a community, whether it's a bunch of roommates, a family, or a neighborhood.
So yes, I really do believe we reinforce Barack's themes--courage, resilience, community--when we push (our kids, the school, whoever) for a more balanced way of life.
So the themes here are caring and resilience. And conveniently, the two go hand in hand. Kids who help others are better able to ward off depression and other emotional problems, because service feels good. People are just wired that way. We all need to be useful, to connect with a larger purpose in some small way. It's stressful when too many people seem to need you, but I would argue it's even more stressful when nobody does.
For kids, structured group efforts like team sports, scouting type clubs, etc., can be great building blocks for that sense of collective purpose the President hopes to rally in all our hearts. Family volunteerism and school-based service learning are powerful tools, too, and Obama seems committed to expanding those sorts of opportunities. I'm always excited to find realistic, manageable service projects for my kids (whatever we can squeeze around homework--don't get me started) and to try and help with the ones their schools coordinate.
But collective purpose starts, really, at home. For every youth service project that attracts local newspaper coverage, there are 10 boring piles of laundry that nobody cares about. The hubby and I make it our kids' job to care. Why? Well, for one thing, it's not fair for one or two people to be stuck managing five people's clothes. But more importantly, chores like this build the habit of doing something for someone besides yourself--one sock at a time. Yes, kids can evade these "life skills" now and figure them out later, in college or their first apartments. What's tougher to build from a cold start is the give and take involved in being part of a community, whether it's a bunch of roommates, a family, or a neighborhood.
So yes, I really do believe we reinforce Barack's themes--courage, resilience, community--when we push (our kids, the school, whoever) for a more balanced way of life.
If I were president...
I'd have no clue what to do about the wacko economy, the Middle East, and most of the other mind-boggling issues Our Guy and his team are now attacking. (Although I do have hope, finally, that somehow these things will get better.) What I would do is push for immediate legislation on something I'd call Operation Balanced Kid:
--Fewer worksheets, more folding sheets
--Less texting, more talking--live and in person
--Fewer games on screens, more games in the 'hood (yeah, I know the Wii is a blast, but whatever happened to moderation? And don't you miss Kick the Can?)
--Service projects as a well-staffed, regular part of school for even the youngest kids, just like art, music, and P.E....which, by the way, would no longer be vulnerable to short-sighted budget cuts. Maybe some of these service coordinators could even come from the classroom corps the President hopes to recruit. Or high school and college students could fill these roles as part of the community service hours he hopes to expand.
and perhaps most importantly:
--Mandatory Pixar viewing
--Fewer worksheets, more folding sheets
--Less texting, more talking--live and in person
--Fewer games on screens, more games in the 'hood (yeah, I know the Wii is a blast, but whatever happened to moderation? And don't you miss Kick the Can?)
--Service projects as a well-staffed, regular part of school for even the youngest kids, just like art, music, and P.E....which, by the way, would no longer be vulnerable to short-sighted budget cuts. Maybe some of these service coordinators could even come from the classroom corps the President hopes to recruit. Or high school and college students could fill these roles as part of the community service hours he hopes to expand.
and perhaps most importantly:
--Mandatory Pixar viewing
mandatory what?
Hold on, you might say. Isn't that last idea a bit of a non sequitir? Well, sort of. But not really.
The best kids' movies don't just entertain us with cool visuals and hilarious characters, as appealing as those things are. (Heck, I love goofy stuff as much as the next gal. I put "I Like to Move It" from Madagascar in a dance music lens.) They inspire us with stories about pulling together to overcome adversity. The underdog ant colony in "A Bug's Life" prevails over grasshopper thugs; Buzz Lightyear gets rescued by his fellow toys; Nemo rallies a school of fish to break through the fisherman's net; Wall-E and EVE help humans take back the planet.
So despite all our differences, our grudges, our mutually inflicted injuries over the past couple centuries, we're here now, together, as Americans. It's our "Nemo" moment. I hope we get through that net.
The best kids' movies don't just entertain us with cool visuals and hilarious characters, as appealing as those things are. (Heck, I love goofy stuff as much as the next gal. I put "I Like to Move It" from Madagascar in a dance music lens.) They inspire us with stories about pulling together to overcome adversity. The underdog ant colony in "A Bug's Life" prevails over grasshopper thugs; Buzz Lightyear gets rescued by his fellow toys; Nemo rallies a school of fish to break through the fisherman's net; Wall-E and EVE help humans take back the planet.
So despite all our differences, our grudges, our mutually inflicted injuries over the past couple centuries, we're here now, together, as Americans. It's our "Nemo" moment. I hope we get through that net.
What do you think?
What are the best practical ways to promote empathy in our kids? How about service? Courage? Are these the qualities we should be targeting? Am I wrong to beat up on videogames? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for stopping by!
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Reply
- ChapelHillFiddler ChapelHillFiddler Nov 11, 2009 @ 3:04 pm
- I'm glad Kimberly pointed us here. I lensrolled you to my lens on another President's good advice (Washington). Thanks for this.
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Reply
- foovay foovay Nov 11, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
- What a great lens. Thank you for sharing. I really love how you take Obama's words and put them into action, and share them with your children - and us!
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Reply
- crosscreations crosscreations Oct 11, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
- Can't think of ANY advice I'd give to ANY person than this... quoting from YOUR letter...
""Look out for other people, even when it does not directly benefit you; strive to make a difference everywhere you go; and get back up every time you are knocked down."
Touche! ...and wishing the very Best 2U!
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Reply
- TeaJay TeaJay Aug 1, 2009 @ 3:22 pm
- Lovely lens. I hope to read more from you
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Reply
- genglo genglo Jun 14, 2009 @ 8:44 pm
- Oh I just love this. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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Try these
Many memorable characters in kids' lit are role models for courage and resilience. I'll kick off this list with some stories we've loved. Please add and/or vote for books that have affected you or the kids in your life.
2
Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls, Wilson Rawls
First published in 1961, a modern-day classic for more...3 points
3
Bud, Not Buddy (Readers Circle (Laurel-Leaf)) by Christopher Paul Curtis
It's 1936, in Flint, Michigan, and when 10-year-ol more...2 points
4
Island of the Blue Dolphins (Puffin Books) by Scott O'Dell
Twelve-year-old Karana escapes death at the hands more...2 points
6
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
It was a dark and stormy night; Meg Murry, her sma more...1 point
7
The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread by Kate Dicamillo
"Forgiveness, light, love, and soup. These es more...1 point
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Save the Children is the leading independent organization creating lasting change in the lives of children in need in the United States and around the world. Recognized for our commitment to accountability, innovation and collaboration, our work takes us
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Art lover, freelance writer, music nerd, mom of 3. Goals: raise decent humans, learn Spanish, more veggies, more sleep, keep on the sunny side, *breat... (more)
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