ODD OLYMPICS

"Silly Sporting Events" can be held anywhere, anytime, in any weather, with anybody willing to participate in a bit of good cheer!

Here are some rather entertaining events to engage all those couch potatoes and wall-flowers you know!

So let the "Goofy Games" begin!

Balloon Squash -- You'll need a large tarp, two buckets full of shaving-creme filled balloons nearby, and two teams in bathing suits...the object of the event being to take turns sitting on each balloon until they pop.

Carrot Hopscotch -- Now here's a game for all those who love "jumping to conclusions". Winners get to pig out on carrot cake while losers get to chomp on leftover carrot sticks what else!

Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest -- Needs no explanation!

Hunt the Wocket -- For anyone who says this game doesn't even exist!

Penguin Soccer -- Each player must tie their knees together (with long rag or cloth), so that they are capable only of shuffling as opposed to kicking a beach ball between the goal posts.

"Toe Wrestling" -- Recommended by a pack of puckish podiatrists of course!

"Bellyflop and Cannonball Diving Championship" -- Time to find a backyard pool and those who want to make a big splash using their butt or their belly!

"Gobble Your Grub Marathon" -- This event combines the ability to chow down as many wieners as you can while jumping up and down on the same spot for as possible.

"Lawn Mower Racing" -- This is a cutting-edge sport for macho munchkins.

"Skateboard & Plunger Race" -- Yup, you guessed it, every player must sit on a skateboard and propel themselves using a rubber plunger!

"Tongue Twister Sprint" -- This involves running around in small circles for 15 minutes and reciting three tongue-twisters as fast as you can in the remaining three minutes!

"Hula Hoop Marathon" -- So how long can you swing those hips before passing out?

"Jabberwocky Jousting" -- Are you keen on talking nonsense til the cows come home...try this one on!

"Raisin Tossing" -- How many raisins can you toss in the air and catch in your mouth in 15 minutes?

"Marathon of Mirth" -- Class Clowns will love this one; the aim of this event is to see how many hours you can entertain your fellow couch potatoes and armchair athletes by telling silly jokes or fairy tales, singing bad ballads or playing a kazoo!

"Rock, Paper Scissors" -- An excellent game for those who can't keep their fingers out of the cookie jar or have a passion for letting their fingers walk through the Yellow Pages.

"Wiffleball" -- For those who can't whet their whistle worth a darn but need some holesome fun in their life!

"Tiddlywink Tournament" -- For those fusspots and flibbertygibbets only!

"Pin The Tail on Eeyore"! -- Sad sacks and blind mice will love this game!

Christmas Olympics is a great way to make sure that the very young and elderly stay as involved in the occasion as everyone else because they also choose a game they're good at.

While many people spend the five days before Christmas on shopping, my family are extra busy gathering "things" for their game or researching "party games" on the internet and that's half the fun!

The game each person chooses remains top secret right up until the moment they are designated to start their game. Each person's game time is indicated simply by where their name happens to be on the paper that tracks the game points. Christmas Olympics after all is meant to be fun with few rules!

If you have five family members, each game earns a player a point score from 1-5, depending on the position they ranked in a game.

The following is a small sampler of some of our Christmas Olympic Games:

-- "Poop the Potato" which really means hop around a table with a potato between your legs and while facing everyone, plop it into a bowl on the floor.

-- "Orange Peeling Contest" - The longest unbroken rind wins and everyone gets treated to a fun-filled fibre break from candy and chocolate.

-- "Snow Golf" - One or two holes on a short course (use food colouring around the hole).

-- "Staring Contest" (how long can you keep gazing into someone else's face without breaking a sweat?)

-- "Memory Game" - Involves reading a meaningful or funny short story and asking questions about it later. It's really astounding how well adults DON'T listen!

-- "Guessing Game" - Participants must guess how many jelly beans, loonies or quarters are in a designated jar. Winner gets points and the jar!

-- "Spin The Coin". Great for fickle fingers, the longest spin wins.

-- "Card or Dice Games of Chance" - like Fish, Crazy Eights, or Snake Eyes.

-- "Find the Apple Pot." Participants are blind- folded and must crawl along the floor smacking a wooden spoon to find a pot filled with water and an apple. Contestant must then retrieve the apple using their mouth. This is timed event. You can get creative by using a soft tomato or marshmallows (if someone has bad knees or back, place it somewhere on the counter).

-- "Stuff in the Christmas Stocking" - Time to guess what's in Santa's Sock? Each sock holds an item belonging to a family member. Contestants get a single ten-second feel for the object, one hint and only two guesses.

At the end of the day we've laughed, created memories and crowned the Odd Olympian with the coveted but tacky plastic head wreath, and surprisingly, everyone is always proud to wear it!

For those who have find coordinating their two left feet a challenge or keeping their eye on the ball, these ridiculous relays will be a real hit for you!

4X4 Four-Legged Relay -- Okay, so you can't do the Salsa or even a simple a Two-Step, the least you can do is enter the Four-Legged-Race (Yup that would be Four-Couples bound together at the heel...and all you have to do is hop to the finish line four times!

Egg-And-Spoon Relay -- Now this one is reserved for "eggheads" only, or those born with a silver spoon in their mouths...take your pick!

"Leap Frog Relay" -- And why not, after all this is "Leap Year" and "International Year of the Frog"!

One-Step-At-A-Time Relay -- For those who enjoy a slower pace of life...the question here is, does the team with large feet have an unfair advantage?

Dress-Up Relay -- Time to Don a too-too, hip-waders, clogs, and a winter outfit just like Santa Claus...cause that's what it will take to get you across the finish line without cracking a smile on your face!

Penguins on Parade -- Yup, you'll have to don your black and white bathing suit and put on a pair of flippers for this event...on land if you please...no cheating!

Face it, is does anyone really work on Monday, (the first groggy day back from a wild weekend) or Friday (the last day before the freaking weekend if you please)?

So, get out your sneakers, put on your tank-top, and crank up the music ...a perfect way hold an "Office Olympics"!

If you're not sure how to plan this potty performance, here are some helpful hints.

And if you're having difficulty coming up with high-performance Office Olympics events, here are some highly-entertaining events to get things going (provided of course you've also chosen some very nutty names for those titillating teams)!

"Balance Books On The Top of Your Head While Power Walking" -- Who said eggheads and bookworms aren't well coordinated?

"Four-Wheeled Chair Races": Mark a start and end point (the shorter the distance, the fewer lawsuits) and make sure that everyone uses only their feet to propel themselves to the finish line.

"Backwards Hopscotch": For those who think they're so brilliant, smart, and well-coordinated after three cans of any fizzy beverage!

"Feedlebaum Races": Each team has to strap boxes filled with paper to their feet and then race a minimum of 500 yards to the finish line.

"Musical Chairs": Place as many wheeled chairs as possible in a circle, then turn on some hot rock, and go to town. You find out who can run fast and land on the seat of their pants without flying out of the chair!

"Relay Race 'Round Your Building": Time for a team-building exercise! Use those fake torches you made earlier in the week as batons to pass along to the next team member.

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Photo Insert Credit: Illustration by Michelle Mia Araujo on flickr.com

The "Grin-And-Bear-It Games" have just been awarded to Great Cockup (in the Lakes District of England).

This stiff-upper lip sporting spectacular will be held in the Year of our Lord 2012, in order to allow sufficient time for the pie tossers, toe wrestlers, and pogo-stick players to get their acts together.

Official spokespersons for the "Odd Olympics", (the Duke of Doorknobs and the Duchess of Dithering), are pleased to announce that three new demonstration sports, "Tiddlywinks", "Marbles" and "Croquet" will be featured at the next Goofy Games Gala in Great Cockup!

These sports will be open to all wink wunderkins and finger folks not to mention vertically-challenged tree-dwellers with pointy hats and fashionably-attired females on stilts carrying long mallets.

Word has it that the use of live ostriches as mallets and live hedgehogs as balls have been banned from the sport of croquet due to numerous complaints registered by the "International Association for the Preservation of Mock Turtles, Lactose-Intolerant Hedgehogs & Environmentally-Friendly Flightless Ostriches".

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Photo Insert Credit: Game of Cockamammie Croquet (featured on Zombie37's photostream at Flickr.com).