ODD JOBS CLUB

WANTED: A bible-thumper who's capable of slaying a dragon, grabbing a tiger by the tail, not to mention a blue devil by the horns.

If you're recently received your pink slip, and don't seem to fit in anywhere, it's time to play in another sandbox!

Forget all those dull, dweebish jobs in the newspaper or the front page of your virtual job board. No need to follow the herd, unless you're a lemming, a buffalo or a sheep. And, trust me you aren't...because you're reading this bit of bump.

You are destiny's darling! So, listen up, put your crazy thinking cap on (I did not say "dunce cap" ...that belongs to someone else who shall remain nameless.

You need to create your own jest-in-time job. First, you'll need a title...and you'll need to use your imagination, but if you need a boost...here are some helpful hints.

The "Copenhagen Institute of Technology" came up with the following as job titles for the future...maybe with you in mind:

-- Director of Mind & Mood (Are you a Prozac People Person?)
-- Vice President of Cool (If you're willing to wear a red and blue breathable spandex body suit to work with non-matching sneakers -- you're a shoe-in!)
-- Chief Imagination Officer (It's your chance to prove why you're the right person to guide the team to "Never Never Land" and back)
-- Creatologist (Anyone who can come up with a better tasting recipe for mud-pies will be reward with this crazy culinary title)
-- Intangible Asset Appraiser (If you can answer how much does a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, you've got the job!)
-- Director of Intellectual Capital (Must be able to count to 10 and sing the alphabet song backwards)
-- Visualiser (The one who can navigate the team through corn mazes or at least knows the difference between smoke and mirrors)
-- Storyteller (Someone who can entertain the team while waiting for Godot to show up, or answering that imponderable question "when are we going to get there?")
-- Chief Enacter (The first person to put his/her toe in the water, launch a trial balloons, or pull a cat out of a hat without the help of Dr. Seuss)
-- Court Jester (Everyone knows only fools rush in where wise men never go...and frankly, who else would dare to tell the Emporer he's not wearing any clothes than you?)

Okay, you get the point. So, what'll it be: Chief Morale Officer, Goddess of Great Guffaws & Grand Schemes, Chief Dreamer, Evangelist of Everything's Coming Up Roses, Chief Catalyst of Cubicle Conundrums, Co-ordinator of Synchronicity & Serendipity, Ego Enhancement Consultant, Dream Broker, Misconception & Misspoken Eradicator, Spiritual Fulfillment Counsellor, Chief Fulfiller of Niche Needs or Empressario of Equalities & Entertainment.

Then write your own job description and cover letter. Tweet your twitty title around as much as you want especially all the other tweetie pies out there. The world is waiting for your wit, wisdom and wonk...so don't delay!

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Image Credit: JoeAlterio@flickr.com

Tis the season to be jolly, so why not in the job market!

Here are some hilarious help wanted ads:

-- Someone who can sing a song about an apostrophe to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree".

-- Cat Nanny. (The p-e-r-r-rfect job for those adore fetching felines.)

-- Seasonal Short Order Cook. (Must be able serve cold beer and make pickled eggs for Santa on Christmas Eve.)

-- Donkey Trainer. (Must not mind getting the last hee-haw from Mary and Joseph.)

-- Ice sculpture carver. (A great opportunity for those who don't like skating on thin ice.)

-- Laser Tag Referee. (If your last name is Skywalker, you know how to handle the Force, and you've got oodles of Galactic Alliance experience, you've got the job!)

-- Parachute tester. (Warning: This is a profession that not everyone will fall for!)

-- Quality Control Taster in a Chocolate Factory. (Sweet work if you can get it...so, head on over there lickety split!)

-- Mistletoe Maker. (These people love their work...but be warned, kissing Santa Claus beneath the green garland is not permitted on the job!)

-- Turkey Wrangler. (A job where things can quickly run a "fowl" pretty quickly, so saddle up pardner!)

-- Wallpaper Peeler. (Note: This job may send you up a wall unless they permit a bit of wassailing at work!)

-- Yawn Counter at a Sleep Clinic. (This is definitely a dream job come true for someone out there.)

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Image Insert: Courtesy of J.W. Gonzo on flickr.com

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