Oil Filled Radiators

If you are, say, a student (OK, easy target, I know) with no knowledge of how to use cooking appliances or even what they look like, when you bring back that takeaway pizza you may be tempted to prolong its little cardboard-encased lifespan by placing the box on top of the oil filled radiator. So why is this a bad idea? Can you guess children? No, it will not catch on fire. But it could damage you in other ways. This is because by the time the heat gets through the cardboard box and into Mr Pizza it's simply not going to be high enough to prevent the growth of any bacteria that happens to be in there. In fact, the warm, moist environment could be just perfect to grow a whole lab full of germs. So, (are you paying attention at the back?) the best thing to do with that takeaway pizza is eat it immediately. No, actually that's the second-best thing. The best thing is to file it under "b" for bin and next time, don't even "b" for buy it!

It's so tempting, when your bed is so cold and the radiator is so warm, to bring the two together in a beautiful union. But listen up old love, it would simply not be a romance made in heaven, this one. Hauling your radiator up off the floor and flinging it down onto your sheets is pretty much a weight-lifting feat for a start because most oil filled radiators are not exactly lightweight. Then there are the perils that could await you after returning from a night on the town with a sudden bout of alcohol-related memory issues. Imagine throwing yourself on the bed and landing on the hard metal fins, hot hard metal fins at that. I mean, whatever shakes your sugar, but it's not MY idea of a good time. So, using your oil filled radiator as an electric blanket is really not one of your better bed-heating ideas.

If you keep hens and raise chicks from the eggs, who needs an incubator when you can use the oil filled radiator to turn those little egg-bound embryos into your fluffy Easter chicks? (Can you guess where this one is going? You're probably thinking - hmm - will he go down the boiled egg route, or will he go for the exploding rotten egg outcome...?) OK, to put you out of your misery - you guessed it - it's the exploding rotten egg ending! Yes, the heat from the radiator is just a little too high for a fluffy yellow finish, and actually just a little too low to guarantee a mouth-watering boiled-egg-and-soldiers finale. Leave those ovoids on your finials... sorry, lapsed into Greek or something again... leave those eggs on the fins of your radiator for more than a couple of days and BOY will it go ballistic!. Take my word for it - eggs and radiators don't mix.

Having read my lens on oil filled radiators, I can only conclude that I need some therapy, and I know the boss will hate what I've written. Good - I'm publishing anyway..