You know you own an old house when...

1) Every time you get up from your desk the chair rolls across the slanted floor

2) There really are bats in your belfry (and the house's too - not to mention the bat skeletons in the furnace)

"Bats in the Belfry"
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3) You can't flush the toilet if someone is taking a shower, doing laundry, or washing dishes.

4) You scan the curbs on garbage day to see if there is something you can scavenge (a rusty hinge? An old screen?) because you might need it some day.

5) Others go to dinner and a movie on the weekends. You hang out at garage and tag sales and antique auctions. Instead of a trip to the mall or home depot, you head to the local salvage yard.

6) When you finally take a night off and rent a movie (see #5), you rate it by how much attention you pay to the woodwork, wallpaper, and furnishings. (You've sat through some of the worst movies because you didn't want to miss any of the details of the room settings.)

If this strikes a chord, you may enjoy reading and/or contributing to "Movies for Old House Buffs." (Page will open in a new window.)

Available at AllPosters.com

7) A vacation means you have a chance to a) paint the side of the house that needs it most b) strip the carved black walnut window frames that someone actually painted BROWN! c) pull up that peel-and-stick tile/Astroturf/or commercial carpeting and install an encaustic tile floor in your foyer.

8) There is no such thing as a "weekend" project (or a week-long one for that matter). Projects have no ends as they always lead to another.

Photo of stripping and painting an old house is available at AllPosters.com

9) You can't find a plumber or electrician willing to work on your house.

10) Contractors offer you a refund to NOT have to finish a job despite a signed detailed contract and payment by the hour.

11) When you finally take a night off and rent a movie (see #5), you rate it by how much attention you pay to the woodwork, wallpaper, and furnishings. (You've sat through some of the worst movies because you didn't want to miss any of the details of the room settings.) If this strikes a chord, you may enjoy reading and/or contributing to "Movies for Old House Buffs" .

12) You are so used to your homes' idiosyncratic creaks and squeaks (not to mention the sounds of the heating system and ticking of the clocks) you can't sleep anywhere else because it is too quiet.

13) You choose wallpaper by how it will look on walls that are only plum(b) because a previous owner painted them that color.

14) You rip up the bathroom floor and discover a previous owner cut the floor joists to run the pipes across. You are actually very happy about this because you discovered the damage before the water-filled tub crashed through the floor when you stepped into it.

15) A couple who owned the house in the 1970s stop by and brag to you about drilling holes in the 3 Eastlake mantles and inserting a door knob and mechanism to operate the flues so they did not have to bend down, reach under the chimney, and pull the chain originally installed for that purpose. They expect gratitude but all you can manage is a frozen smile while all you can think about is how much you'd like to drill a hole in the center of their foreheads.

16) Someone introduces you to a stripper at a party and you ask how they'd recommend stripping your fancy woodwork. When she answers you realize she isn't that kind of stripper -- and you're actually disappointed!

17) You use and insist that contractors use common/slotted screws because crosspoint/phillips screws were not used when your house was built.

18) You freak out when someone suggests replacing your old cast iron radiators with baseboard heating.

19) As soon as you (yes, you - who can find a painter willing to paint your "lady" in 12 different colors, let alone afford it even if you could) finish painting the last side of your house, the side you painted first is ready to be re-done.

20) You consider words like "polyurethane," "plastic," and "vinyl" as expletives.

21) It is difficult to stop your own list at 20, since "old house lovers" also love to share the miseries, joys, and discoveries of the buildings we are enamored of.

21. You own more "work" clothes (for working on your house) than clothes for work (to wear to the office).
         ---TheCheshireCat

22. When the exterior walls of your house are "insulated" with 5 parts wood shavings, 4 parts cold air, and 1 part mouse droppings.
         ---flycatcher

Money Pit Movie Poster
is available at AllPosters.com

23. You hate the 1970s. And the '80s. And most of the '90s.
         ---Athelyna

24. You're not sure if putting in a half-bath for the house that previously had one bathroom and six occupants was worth sacrificing the original "sewing closet" on the first floor.
         ---Athelyna

25. Is waiting for YOU!

SquiDirectory - A categorized Squidoo directory featuring an interesting variety of different subjects ranging from arts and literature, shopping, and eco friendly tips, to vehicles for sale, travel, and everything in between.

Isle of Squid The Isle of Squid is a Directory of the Best lenses on Squidoo. All of the submissions are hand-reviewed for quality and we're proud to have our lenses included among them.

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