One Man's Befuddlement Over Womankind

Face it guys, women get to play by a set of rules which men can only dream of trying to get away with. A guy can tout his airtight, indisputable case to his lady all day long, but when was the last time doing that ever made a difference? No, by the time your case has reached the altercation stage, your lady's values will be well ensconced in the feminine realm of "feelings". At that point, if the guy ever hopes to get back into her good graces, then inevitably he shall wind up apologizing to her, preferably upon his knees. But, your case was irrefutable? That is of "mere consequence" compared to your "boarish zeal" in trying to substatiate yourself to her. As far as "being right" is concerned, in no way, shape, or form is that ever going to enhance your prospects of winning over a lady's "feelings". You might as well take solice in an Eastcoast idiom describing the only course of action you have remaining: "Fuhgedaboutit!"

Hey, I've stepped in it also with the ol' "but honey, if you look at it this way, surely you will see the logic.....". Stop! Wrong! That aint never gonna fly, and trying to drone that home will only get you into deeper hot water with those "feelings". If a man fails to yield here, odds are the woman's defense arsenal will soon brandish an emotional release the likes of which he will desperately wish he had sought refuge from. And if that doesn't shut the guy up, she may even pull out the dreaded feminine trump card and turn on the waterworks. Caution guys, if you think you can handle that, think again. Many a brave man who opted out of diving on their knees for forgiveness, changed their minds soon after cowering in submision to her merciless tears. Nah, guys if you want to get somewhere in these situations, you'll hafta try and picture yourself strapping on a braziere to get into her mindset. Forget about steak, sports cars, and swimsuit models, and start dreaming about dainty frills, cuddly bunnies, and butterflies dancing on dafodils. If you can do that, you have established common grounds upon which communication with your lady can be re-attempted.

Good luck on that by the way. Not many guys can relate to their feminine side. And even if they can, half the time that's still no gaurantee of letting them off the hook easilly. At least when a guy is broad-sided by emotions and waterworks, he sees it coming and can take cover. Not so if she opts for "the silent treatment". In that case the guy goes merrilly about his business believing he is getting along splendidly with his lady, until an eery sense of the atmosphere choking begins to make itself apparent. Pretty soon its "Uh, oh! I remember the last time she was this quiet, what did I do this time?!" We all make the mistake of asking "anything wrong honey?" only to be made painfully aware of our lack of psychic skills from her sure to follow "If you have to ask, then that's what's wrong!" Right then and there you know you've commited some sort of cardinal sin for which no earthly reprieve exists, but you can't for the life of you figure out what that sin was. Don't try reasoning it out here. You'll hafta forego your manly repertoire and try something completely alien to your base instincts. Please read on.

Nothing like personal experience to illustrate a point. On occasion, I might comment on something my beloved wife is doing and naively assume the comment is casual. Then I'll be contently going along thinking everything is dandy, when out of the blue the earth tumbles into a wild shift off of its axis! "Whoa!" I'll think while grapling with the realization that the source of this sudden predicament is my wife's explosive disposition. No point asking "whodunnit?!" Clearly I "dunnit", if only I knew what in blazes I "done". Know what I do then? Here's where I reveal my secret to a successful marriage. First I eat a lotta crow, and swallow a hefty piece of my pride. Then, I reach deep under my metaphorical braziere cup and plead with my heart for a peek into my [*ahem* *cough*] "feelings". Before long, my view of the world is filtered as though I had the same delightfully mascara adorned eyes as those of my wife. Uncanny how that can change a man. Now my own sensitivities are such that I am prepared to try the unthinkable, namely, singing my way out of the doghouse. I'll pick something romantic like Luther Vandros "Always and Forever", and find myself slowly winning her over again. And I'll let you in on another little secret. My singing is about as pleasing to the ear as a gaggle of geese squawking their way through a wood chipper. Surprisingly though, that doesn't seem to matter too much, because its all about getting in touch with your heart and expressing those confounded "feelings". Learn 'em guys. They work. Go figure. Who knew?