Online AA

Spiritus Contra Spiritum

Hello, I am Kate, a grateful recovering alcoholic.

After Bill W's retirement from AA leadership in 1961, he expressed his gratitude and thanks to those who had contributed to the creation of AA. One of those people was C. G. Jung, the great Psychologist. The letter from Bill W. to Jung and Jung's response is on page 276 of "Language of the Heart" by Bill W.

In Jung's letter to Bill, he states in regard to his patient, Roland H.: His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our Being for Wholeness, expressed in medieval language: the union with God..........

"You see, alcohol in Latin is "spiritus" and you use the same word for the highest religious experience as well as the most depraving poison. The helpful formula is, therefore, "Spiritus contra Spiritum."

Bill W. expounds on this experience of "replacing spirits with spirit" in a talk given at the 33rd AA aniversary sponsored by the NYC Intergroup.

In reference to Dr. Jung as well as William James, another spiritual AA founder, he said: " Long before I was sober, long before there was any idea that there would be this AA way for Alcoholics to help themselves, certain men and women were gaining skills and insights that were to make all the difference to us in later years. The thing that characterized all of these early friends of ours who were to donate their skills and wisdom to us in AA was this: In each case where telling contributions were made, the man or woman was Spiritually Centered, Spiritually Animated."

The statement "going any length to achieve sobriety" is all about a total dedication to the spirit within, however a person wishes to define that--and to have a moment to moment experience with spirit, or HP (Higher Power), and to experience this as actual Presence.

When I started out drinking and drugging, I honestly thought I was looking for God, and most of our generation experimenting with drugs in the 1960's, particularly LSD, thought that religious/spiritual experiences were mysteriously wrapped up in getting high, and also in drinking alcohol.

I remember thinking that the bar room was a better church than the Church, which I saw as hypocritical.

Spiritus contra spiritum helps me to see that I was not totally deluded. That the real spiritual life must be sought within the heart of compassion--not in the bottle or magical pill.

What is your experience with spiritus contra spiritum?

How does this effect your sobriety today?

Thanks for being apart of my spiritual recovery.

Kate S. 22202

Beauty

Hello--Kate here and a grateful recovering Alcoholic.

One of my favorite poetic lines is: "Beauty is Truth, and Truth is Beauty, and that is all Ye know on earth and all Ye need to know." John Keats

He wrote these words at age 25 and died the following year.

Beauty is eternal and is directly related to the silence where god can be found and where truth resides, resting in the spiritual qualities of love, joy, acceptance, tolerance and compassion.

Yet I know that beauty is in all things, even in that which at first glance appears to be ugly. And when something appears ugly to me I know I have some work to do in my attitude, PRONTO! There are no exceptions to this. (Similar to another AA Axiom: Whenever I am upset, there is something wrong with me).

Talking about Beauty in this way can insult people. I can best understand the meaning of these stanzas when I am in deep meditation or coming out of deep prayer. But to express this to people who are normally into viewing life in a dualistic way--such as that life is either good or bad, right or wrong, rich or poor, masculine or feminine--feels like casting pearls before swine.

I had the experience this summer of going on and on about beauty in all things to one who normally is very black and white in his perspective--and his response was very negatively emotional.

So now, I keep thoughts like this to myself, with the exception of this wonderful forum where I feel I can express these things!!

Peace (of mind) to all--

Kate S. 22202

Resentments

Hello to all you Kiss Sisters. I am Kate, an alcoholic in recovery.

Welcome to all the newcomers. Congratulations to everyone celebrating an important milestone. Thank you Ann, for this timeless topic, and for your service to this wonderful group.

My first spiritual realization in AA came about with Bill W's simple observation that resentments are the downfall of all alcoholics. I remember putting down the Big Book after reading that, just so the full impact could settle into my newly sober and foggy brain.

I did not want to ever forget this principle.

Then, to think of all the different types of resentments. Like the knee jerk kind, when a car cuts in front of my car. Or the kind I thought I let go of, and I find a tape rewinding in my head going over and over a wrong or injustice that happened years ago.

Or if a patient tells me of a wrong committed to her and I find myself rising up in indignation, as if that is going to save the day.

At the very least, this program has taught me so far, to be conscious of when I have any resentments at all. And to ask for help, and let it go.

I see that the 12 steps (of Alcoholics Anonymous) are meant to free me of the blocks to the full reaiization of my Higher Power. Steps 4-9 especially are meant to liberate the soul of any more tendencies toward rancor or malice.

I see that the negatives either gradually or dramatically fall away, if we do sincerely work each step, and rework them and rework them again. (At least, I foresee that as my journey).

A light has turned on in my consciousness. I know what I am thinking as I am thinking it. There is a wiser part of myself that I am aware of now.

I give that Self full reign over my entire destiny!

Thanks for letting me share!!

Kate S. 22202

Regrets

Hello everyone! Kate, here, recovering alcoholic.

Welcome to all the newcomers. I am enjoying everyone's share on this, as always. Thank you Ann, for your service to this group.

Regrets, resentments, playing victim as well as all the other negative ways we harm ourselves, are especially dangerous to the alcoholic. Let's face it, these negatives project us directly into the past, where ODAAT (one day at a time) is not a reality. Sliding into the black hole that is alcohol or perhaps into a consciousness that is distinctly separate from god/HP is the resulting state-of-mind.

But repressing these negatives does not work. Going to meetings, being honest about where our hearts have strayed, and giving god our bad as well as our good in every moment is the only true remedy. It is an act of remembering--remembering god. As soon as we forget, the demons come to haunt.

AA spirituality is a mind retraining. I am training my mind to think and to love with god, with god's help and with the help of this program.

An old timer told me tonight that all the fear, resentment, regrets and self-pity vanish the moment we get down on one knee, or two, if we are able, and ask for divine help. Maybe we have to be in that position many times a day--or all day and all night!!

But according to him, the negatives vanish quickly, and we can go about the business of living (and let living).

Thank you!

Kate S. 22202

Acceptance and Expectations

Hello all--Kate here, and an alcoholic. Thanks Lorna, for your week of service to this wonderful group!

Detachment is necessary to truly accept people, places and things and to authentically drop expectations. Meditation and prayer are central to this process. The times that arise to try the soul--and then prayer and meditation is practiced more fervently --serve to strengthen the will and the spiritual practice. Certainly abandoning prayer and meditation in the face of crisis is a recipe for terror and disaster.

It all comes back to self-will. I want, I expect, I demand--how could you, how unfair, poor me.

Abandoning self-will is also central to this process of acceptance and dropping expectation, done through prayer and meditation.

A certain level of maturity and sustained effort assures that this process moves forward. I see it all so clearly this morning. I wish there was such a thing as an acceptance vitamin I could dutifully take every morning.

Ah, and there is--a daily conscious contact with god done morning and evening that gains momentum the more it is practiced with an open heart.

Thanks for reading!

Kate S. 22202

The "G" Word

Hello Everyone. Kate here, and I am an alcoholic!

One of the most negative things that happened to me as a practicing Alchy was a complete separation from god. I could not find that source of spirit. I read spiritual books and could not retain the meaning of the words. I tried to meditate yet could not.

I did not automatically connect with HP the day, week or month I became sober. In fact, I began to meditate again 6 months into my sobriety and within a few days I began to feel like the human being I am meant to be. I had to gradually come out of the fog of 30 years of alcoholic drinking. That kind of abuse and the damage done takes years to undo. I am thankful I am allowing the process to enfold in its own time--not my time.

I used to thank god I found AA. Now I thank AA I found God!!

I thank all of you for being apart of my recovery today!

Kate S. 22202

Complacency

Hello everyone--Kate here, and an alcoholic. I am behind in my shares so thought I'd take what I have to say to the newcomers.

"There is nothing so bad that a drink will not make worse."

I have not tried to see if this is true, but intuitively I know it is true! The momentum that builds by working this beautiful program knows no bounds. However I have heard many others say that the first drink happens due to complacency. The disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. One woman said that the disease is like a tiger lying in wait--sometimes for many years. She will strike at a moment of weakness, when we have stopped working our own spiritual plan for survival.

This isn't a game. It is life and death. Our program needs a kind of daily concentrated focus in order to work. Some days will reveal more spiritual insight than others. One day may feel like a catastrophe waiting to happen.

But prayer, working the steps, staying close to our spiritual mentors and to the god of our understanding--and to our support network--will light the way to inner peace and serenity.

Guaranteed.

Peace to all in recovery--

Kate S. 22202

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