Online Dating: Making First Contact

When you first make contact with the person whose profile you've become interested in, make sure that you sound upbeat and lively - like someone that would be fun to hang out with. After all, if you sound like a dud from the beginning, you probably won't get past the first email.

Make sure to stay away from the whines ("I'm sick" or "The weather sucks" or God forbid, "Life sucks"). Keep in mind the type of person YOU want to hang out with and why this person's profile attracted you in the first place.

As tempting as it may be to try and tell the person who you are contacting, "Oh, I have TONS of guys after me" or "The ladies just love me," try to refrain from making yourself sound like the mack daddy or the hawt mama of the dating scene. For most, the instant reaction will be an eyeroll and a click of the delete button.

"I'm sorry to just contact you out of the blue...."

This is a bad foot to start out on. Don't apologize off the bat and, unless you've really done something to be sorry for such as run over their cat or insulting their mother (in which case, the relationship is probably already doomed), don't spend time on apologies. It makes you sound as if you have a low self-esteem and no confidence.

Anoter thing to stay away from are the negatives. For instance:

"You probably won't want to go out with me, but I thought I'd try anyway."

or

"You probably won't go out with a girl like me, but...."

How bad does that sound? Horrible. And you're right, they definitely won't want to go out with a person who is so down on themselves that they'll feel obligated to spend the first date building them up. Uh uh.

Did her profile mention that she likes Star Trek? And by chance, is that something that caught your eye? Then by all means, bring it up!

"I love Star Trek! Did you ever see....."

It's a great way to let him or her know that you are paying attention to them already.

And guys - here's a word of advice, when you see that a girl likes something that you consider to be a "boy thing," don't preface your email by saying, "A GIRL that likes Star Trek! How novel!" You're putting her into a box from the beginning and leave her in an awkward position.

Likewise, girls, if he says he likes "Sleepless in Seattle," don't make a big issue of him being a guy who likes romantic comedies. Consider it a common interest! Not something that is abnormal.

Try Perfectmatch.com - The Best Approach to Finding the Right Person for You.

While you might be tempted to write your life story in that first email - don't. Keep it short, but interesting. A paragraph or two will be fine. Preferably one paragraph that really sells who you are.

This is a big one: As much as you want to believe that person on the other side of the computer might be "the one," by no means do you begin to project onto them your hopes and dreams. Telling them that you "feel a connection" from their profile is going to send up a red flag.

Try to keep a certain level of detachment in your first email while still maintaining an interesting introduction. If all goes well, you can start talking marriage when you've been dating six months.

"You have such beautiful eyes."

If you use this one, you better make sure that they are the most unique set of eyes you've ever seen.

While compliments are great and very effective when true and heartfelt, they're also a put off when they're transparent and generic. If you found something in their profile to be really witty, tell them you found that bit funny.

But stay away from lines that sound like something you'd hear as a pick-up line. It will, again, seriously hamper your chances at second contact.

This sounds like a generic point, but it's true: don't put yourself in a predicament where you are made to feel as if your entire life and future depends on the outcome of this email and/or contact. Be easy going and this will come across in all your correspondence and make them want to get to know you even better.