Online Dating Guide for Men

A picture greatly increases your odds. Women are much more likely to give you consideration if you post a picture. If you don't her first instinct is that you may be hiding something. We encounter all sorts of things on a dating site. Married or unavailable men will not post a picture on a dating site. Don't think we are being shallow for wanting a picture, we are just being cautious. Experience has taught us that a man who does not post a picture is hiding something. You may not be, but we assume you are.

More than one picture is good. We really don't want to see all the places you have been or your pets. Just a close up shot and maybe a full body shot is good. A picture of you doing something you enjoy is good. We really don't care about your cars, motorcycles and other toys. Save that for future emails or dates. Leave something to talk about later. A picture from a distance tells us nothing. 3 to 6 pictures is good. We don't need 18 shots of all the places you have been or of your pets and toys, really, we don't care. We want to see you, it's you we are considering dating not you cute little dog.

Now what is up with the pictures of men with no shirt? Please spare us. Leave something for our imagination. If you have a 6 pack then let that be a nice surprise. We understand that you as men are visually stimulated, but seriously we are not. Stimulation for us starts in the mind. We don't expect you to be all emotional like we are so why on earth do you think we would be visually stimulated like you are. Embrace our differences.

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These are entertaining to say the least. We do pay attention to your choice here. It's part of that first impression. Some screen names and captions are boring, some scream desperate and some are just downright ridiculous. The screen name and captions alone can be a turn on or a turn off. Choose wisely.

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Some just use their name and some number afterwards like Jimmy3462. MikefromNY, well we know where you are, we are the ones in control of the search. These take no thought and are just boring. We will discover your name and where you are later thank you. Skip these when choosing your screen name.

Then there are the screen names that just make us roll our eyes. Some examples: theone4u, looking4u, soulmatewanted, justlooking, honestman, funluvin and Mrromance. Please please be original, use something that conveys your personality and has a unique quality to it. We know you want to tell us how much you want to have fun, how honest and romantic you can be and that you are searching for true love. That goes without saying. We know that because we see you on a dating site.

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If you want to say something about what you do or like in your screen name that is ok. Screen names can be a challenge. If you sail and you want to be sailor boy, fine. Just don't use sailing4yu.

Now the captions, here is where the entertainment begins. Trust me we pay attention to these. Don't say what you are looking for, we know it's a woman. Don't tell us how great you are either, we know you think you are great. If you can bring a smile to our face with your captions, we are more likely to respond to you. I just browsed over 50 pages on a dating site and only 3 stood out. Here they are, so get some ideas here. Top shelve merchandise only, Scarlett, this is Rhett, I just won the lottery. What I see here, a man with high expectations, a man that is romantic looking for fiesty, and a man with a sense of humor.

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Another safe bet on captions could be song titles. Be careful here, no Desperado, Looking for Love, I Wanna Know What Love is, you know the mushy stuff. Avoid alcohol and party songs too please. It's 5 o"clock somewhere, Whiskey River, Family Tradition, Red Neck Yacht Club, you get the point. Song titles that show your humerous side are good. Just a few that the meanings can be viewed in a dating sense, Stuck in the Middle with You, Nowhere to Run, Stop in the Name of Love. Just browse different genders on Google and see what strikes you and what songs scream your personality.

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The profile, wow, 98% of them say about the same thing. You tell us all of your wonderful qualities. You are honest, caring, sincere, affectionate, respectful and know how to treat a lady. These qualities are grand, it beats dishonest, selfish, liar, cold hearted and disrespectful and will treat you like trash. Don't try to sell yourself, we are not shopping for a car.

Then there is usually the line about not playing games. So many times you men think we are playing games when we are not. We are just following the natural role of being the selector. We know most of you don't want games and neither do we. Leave that information out.

When describing your ideal mate we don't need to see your long list. When you have all of these expectations, you are only hurting yourself. Setting high specific expectations may just scare off the perfect woman for you. You may prefer blondes and that fabulous brunette just got away. You may want a fitness buff but the lounging laid back woman may be everything else you ever wanted.

Scroll the profiles, most of them start out and continue with "I". The best profiles are written like you are just talking, put your personality in there with a few facts. Leave something for the imagination. We don't want to read a novel, and we don't want to read an advertisement either. Somewhere in the middle please. We know you are looking for a good woman, we already know a lot of things, so don't repeat them. Tell us something we don't know.

One more thing about profiles. If you have had some bad experiences, don't let that show in your profile. We have all played the fool at some point in our lives. When you mention it or allude to it, we see you as bitter. We also assume you are not over the woman before us. Big turn off. We want to know you are ready to embrace us and if you have your hands full of the past, well you just won't be able.

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Here is you chance, you one shot to get her to reply and hopefully meet the woman. Your chance to stand out and not be like all the others that land in her inbox. Accept first off that you will get rejected, but don't take it personally, it really is a numbers game but understand there are things you can do to increase your odds.

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We already know a lot of you type one email and copy and paste it and send it out to many women. I guess there is nothing wrong with that providing it is a good one. Remember this though, a lot of us have single girlfriends on the same site and you might get busted with that.

A few lines are good for the first email and not about you. Notice something in the woman's profile, remark on it, be humerous if at all possible. Let her know you payed attention and not just to her picture. We know you are visually stimulated, that's a given. Don't be scared. We know the scared ones, they just send a "hi, how are you today?". They are hoping we will then take the lead. Wrong, we want you to take the lead.

Expect to exchange a few emails, we are sizing you up as are you. Don't ask us to go to dinner in the first email. We probably want to chat for about a week then meet somewhere there is a door close by. We hope you want the same. Don't talk about what you want in a relationship right off the bat either. We then think you are not really looking at us but more looking to fill the spot in the passenger seat of your truck with a body. If we get the feeling you are looking for an instant relationship and you will settle if we tell you what you want to hear, we will lace up our sneakers and run. Think about it, what flags do you look for? We look for the same.

Make your first email humerous, make her smile and don't try to sell yourself. Show your personality and if you click then you will know it may be something real. Don't be boring or suggestive. Leave room for her to reply. Ask open ended questions, not a yes or no question. I received an email the other day and all it said was "You can relax now, your search is over." Hmmmm, that wasn't bad really. It did require some thought be put into my reply. Just be different. Make her feel safe and make her smile and you are in.

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Here are the five most bothersome sorts of folks you'll run into online:

The Impersonal Pete
On Datepad you can "nudge" people. On Facebook, it's the "poke". Lots of social networking websites have these easy, random means of making contact. It can be a fun, silly way of getting someone's attention but it can also be a confusing, message-less alert, especially when there's no follow-up.

One of the most annoying types of people you meet online are the ones who initiate this two second kind of contact and then expect you to do all the work. Nope. If you want to talk to someone, you can nudge and poke all you want, but when it comes down to it, you're going to have to do a lot better than that.

The Impatient Polly
I'm not just hating on P-names right now, I swear! But this person really sucks too. They're the ones who are pushing for an in-person meet up from the very beginning. Don't mistake me, I'm all about moving things to the in-person realm just as soon as you feel comfortable doing so; there's only so much you'll learn and only so far you can progress the relationship online.

But come on, it takes a little time and a few meaningful exchanges before anyone is going to want to book that first real date. Those people out there who get bothered if you don't dive in right away are a little shady.

The I-Know-What-You-Want Guy
This is the guy who is all about traditionally romantic things and spouts a list of domestic aspirations that is probably longer than his well, it's long. And as you're exchanging messages and having conversations with this person, he's sounding more like a cheesy romance novel or family-centric real estate ad than person.

The truth is, not all women are online looking for someone to marry and have babies with. And even if we do want that, our only criteria for a mate isn't "must want same things". We want to experience a whole, well-rounded person. If we think you're just telling us what we want to hear, it's going to be a trust-shattering turn-off and you might be wrong about what we want anyway.

The Stalker
Plain and simple, these people are almost as terrible online as they are in real life. They are the ones who refuse to get the idea that you aren't interested and continue to relentlessly email you, nudge you, write on your Facebook wall and generally, cyber badger you like it's somehow going to magically make you fall in love with them.

The upside is that, if you've been a smart cookie, they won't have enough of your real life information to actually stalk you. The downside is they are still bothersome as a yeast infection and almost as difficult to get rid of.

The Disappearing Act
This is saddest of them all. Have you ever encountered someone wonderful online, had lots of great, witty, stimulating communications and really thought you were laying the foundation of a lovely little love connection? Yeah? And smack in the middle of this, did that person just randomly disappear?

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