Positive Parenting Through Divorce Class

Divorce is an ongoing process in a person's life. As people pass through the different stages of divorce, their experiences are unique to their situations. There is no such thing as a typical divorce. All parents must strive to find out what works effectively for their individual family. When children are involved, the result does not have to end with a negative impact.

Becoming healthy, cooperative parents and working together for your children's sake is one of the most beneficial things that parents can do for their children. Parents who successfully transition from being a married couple to supportive divorced parents will be able to establish a healthy emotional environment for their children. read more...

Parenting through divorce process can become even more challenging for parents because of the emotional process parents themselves are experiencing. Parental support at this critical time can be the most powerful buffer from the severe stress during a time when children usually feel rejected, abandoned, and hurt. During this stressful period, parents may feel overwhelmed with their own stress and emotions; however, it is crucial for parents to recognize their children's needs.

It is important for parents to help children understand that the loss is that of the current family structure. The parental roles will continue after the family structure is altered. read more..

Parenting through divorce also brings about financial issues. Economics are a big consideration in the divorce process. It is estimated that over one third of all marriages that end in divorce can be attributed in part to differences over financial matters. One of the biggest challenges for divorcing couples is dividing their money and financial assets. Some parents can sit down with one another and equitably divide their assets.

When this is possible it can actually save a lot of money in attorney's fees. The more parents can agree to on their own, the better. Should a person feel however, that any agreement is not in their best financial interest, they should consult an attorney for expert advice. However, as previously mentioned, you should interview several attorneys before retaining one's services and you should feel comfortable that he/she understands your needs and is not interested in fostering an adversarial relationship with the other spouse. read more...

Parenting through divorce will require each parent to relate in a different way with the other parent. Developing a new sense of objectivity about your ex-spouse as a parent can be difficult. This is especially true in cases where there was a lot of bad or difficult feelings prior to the divorce.

It is helpful to remember that what you have in common now is your interests in the health and well-being of your children.
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Parenting through divorce can become more challenging if behavior difficulties surface in children. The following checklist offers tips on how to understand and prevent behavior problems in children.

1. Help children talk about their feelings, accept them and be understanding.
2. Help them to see why they are behaving as they are.
3. Distinguish between feelings (which are okay) and acting out feelings in destructive behavior (not okay).
4. Set clearly defined rules and limits for behavior.
5. Consistently enforce consequences if rules are broken (do not use physical punishment).
6. Teach children to remove themselves from the situation when losing control.
7. Help them find acceptable outlets for their anger.
8. End conflict with your spouse in your child's presence.
9. Be supportive; reassure children of your love, and work on building their self-esteem.
10. Realize that behavior problems are symptoms of children's pain and distress.

Parenting through divorce may feel more challenging during emotional stages accompanied by the transition. The pain of divorce moves through a process that is very much like what happens to us when someone we love dies.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross did extensive work with terminal patients and studied how their feelings changed from the process of initial discovery to eventual death. These stages are useful in understanding how children grieve about the loss of the family as they imagined it. The grieving process is a progression of feelings and emotional states that move by stages.

Grief is a normal way children deal with loss. These stages may vary in order; may be experienced simultaneously, or may be revisited after having progressed into the next stage. The grief process is painful, difficult, and inevitable, but the end result is healing, which will ultimately lead to growth. read more...

Parenting through divorce presents new and changing relationships for everyone. Adjusting to the process of letting go of the concept of the two-parent family and accepting the idea of new relationships takes time. Take the time to go slow when initiating a new relationship to give children time to deal with different lifestyles and eventually the possibility of an extended family. Rushing into dating may be viewed by your child as competition for your love and attention. Old fears of abandonment may surface as the fantasy dissolves that the divorcing parents will unite. As a result of the divorce, some children lose trust in adults and are slow to accept a new adult into their life. It is important to talk to your children about their feelings and their role in the new step-family. Communication, reassurance, and time will help your child make the needed adjustment.

Before dating, give your children enough time to adjust to the idea that mom and dad will be seeing other people. Make your activities with your date a part of a group function. Starting your social life with friends the children already know may also help them get the point that you are dating. In the beginning of a new relationship, meet your dates away from home to avoid having a number of different people in your home and your child's life. Your child had lived through difficult changes and should not be asked to adjust to something else this significant unless it is necessary. Choose with care whom you let get close to your family. Before you introduce them, let your children know the nature of your relationship. Begin with a few short outings to take the pressure off forced conversation. If it looks as if the relationship will be long term, outings can gradually become longer.

It is important to reassure your children of your love for them. They are less likely to accept someone they perceive as a threat to their relationship with you. It is crucial that they know that the person is not a replacement for their absent parent.