Only Children

I guess the main reason is because I liked being an only so much that I want the same for my daughter :) I suppose if our family didn't feel complete to either my husband or myself that reason wouldn't be good enough, but nothing is missing for us...we don't have to try again, to do it over or do it better, or fill a void.

We both have a million and one reasons for wanting an only child.

* We like being able to focus on our daughter.
* We want to enjoy everything about her without having to miss out because we have other children to take care of.
* We like having the time and ability to be the best parents we can be for her.
* We don't want our daughter to ever feel that she isn't as smart or as beautiful or as talented as a sibling or to ever question who in the family is loved more.
* We like that while other parents have to limit what they do for each child we don't.
* We want to be able to take our daughter with us all over this country and all over the world.
* We like to have time to ourselves and time as a couple...in addition to having time for our child
* We like to be organized and are people who stress easily.(well, I am)
* We like being able to have a calm household at times and an active household at others...with the ability to choose which one at which time.
* We want to pay for her education.
* We want our daughter to learn how to be an independent person, feel comfortable with being alone at times, and know how to keep herself entertained.

Neither of us feel the need for our daughter to have a sibling for any reason.

* We don't believe a baby should be born for another child to provide a playmate.
* We don't believe parents should have a second child incase something happens to their first.
* We don't believe there are any lessons that our daughter can't learn without a sibling.
* We know that having a sibling is not a magic cure all for boredom, or loneliness, or character flaws, or dealing with aging parents.
* We don't care what societies "norm" is, or how many people give us their unsolicited opinion on why we need to have another.

We have always wanted a singleton even before we met each other this was our decision for ourselves. No one has ever made a comment to either of us that made us question this decision. We have gotten angry at some of the things that come out of people's mouths (or fingers here online), but have never felt uncertain because of them.

You can add "Just One" flair with a quote from Pip the Penguin to your Facebook corkboard.

Go to apps.facebook.com/getflair and search for only child. You can get one for yourself and send it to friends.

I liked having dance recitals 14 years in a row and never having my mom or dad miss a single one. They were always at every recital, game, and show I was ever in. That is a feat in itself, but just being able to be in any activity I wanted was great too...I know for a fact that my extra-curriculars would have been dramatically decreased if I had siblings.

I loved having sleep overs. I think they are even more special for onlies because they don't have someone there everynight. I would think it becomes mundane that way...but for me it was a treat...my mom would make it a big deal and we would do tons of girly things all night and then stay up and talk till we couldn't keep our eyes open. Sleep overs with other onlies were especially cool because no matter which house we were at there was no one to bug us ;)

I loved the fact that there was no built in tattle tale or someone to blame me for something I didn't do. There was no competition to be the smart one, or the pretty one, or the funny one...no impossible expectations to be like anyone else by my parents or teachers or coaches...no worry that I wasn't the favorite, or worse that I was the favorite and have my siblings resent me for it.

I loved bringing friends with me to amusement parks and water parks and on vacation...I got to choose who to go with and not be stuck with a baby sib, or have a big sib feeling like they were stuck with me...and getting to go to Disney World at ages 2,4,6,8,10,13,15 with my parents (and a few friends), and at 16 & 20 with just friends.

I loved having the house all to myself after school or the few times my parents went away.

I'm so amazingly (is that a word LOL) happy that I got to go to the University of my choice. And while I did work part time during the year and summer and winter internships, there would have been no way I could have gone to a private school for 5 years (my major was Architecture) if my parents didn't pay for the majority of it. I worked my butt off for that degree and didn't take the gift I was given for granted at all. I also got to start my life off debt free when I graduated. I think that is the greatest thing my parents did for me and hope to be able to do the same for my daughter!

I feel very lucky to be an only and am excited to be raising one of my own. :)

When is Jacob going to get a baby brother?
Distraction: Where are you guys going on vacation this year?
Wisecrack: As soon as you get some manners.
Polite: He's not. We only want one child.

Why would you only want one child?
Distraction: Are those new shoes?
Wisecrack: The dog is jealous enough as it is.
Polite: It's a family decision that seems right for us.

Don't you think Hannah will be lonely without a sister or brother?
Distraction: Pardon me; I think my cell phone is ringing.
Wisecrack: No, the voices in her head seem to keep her company.
Polite: She has lots of friends and classmates.

Is something wrong that you can't have any more?
Distraction: Is your son eating dirt over there? Oh no, my mistake.
Wisecrack: We lost the directions and can't figure out how!
Polite: No, it's simply a family decision.

Watch out, it's easy to spoil only children.
Distraction: Is is hot in here?
Wisecrack: Is that what happened to you?
Polite: We'll keep that in mind.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Ansel Adams
Steve Allen
William A. Anders
Hans Christian Anderson
Christina Applegate
Lance Armstrong
Lauren Bacall
Burt Bacharach
Jeff Bagwell

John the Baptist
Joy Behar
Candice Bergen
Frank Borman
Bill Bradley
Pierce Brosnan
Carol Burnett
Mark Burnett
Laura Bush
Ada Byron

Roy Cohn
Chelsea Clinton
David Copperfield
Walter Cronkite
Leonardo da Vinci
Sammy Davis Jr.
Robert De Niro
Nick Faldo
Gerald Ford
E.M. Forster

Indira Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Rudolph Giuliani
Selena Gomez
Tipper Gore
Cary Grant
Alan Greenspan
Teri Hatcher
William Randolph Hearst

Lillian Hellman
Anthony Hopkins
Beth Howland
Gayle Hunnicut
Samuel L. Jackson
Shawn Johnson
Shirley Jones
Tommy Lee Jones
China Kantner
Alicia Keys

Ted Koppel
Lenny Kravitz
Diane Lane
Charles Lindbergh
John Lennon
James A. Lovell
Phil Lynott
Jesse Metcalfe
Lea Michele
Joe Montana

Iris Murdoch
Brittany Murphy
Isaac Newton
Larisa Oleynik
Jerry Orbach
Al Pacino
Gregory Peck
Matthew Perry
Cole Porter
Natalie Portman

Ezra Pound
Enoch Powell
Elvis Presley
Lisa Marie Presley
Daniel Radcliffe
Nancy Reagan
Robert Reed
Condoleezza Rice
LeAnn Rimes
Joannie Rochette

Eleanor Roosevelt
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Richie Sambora
Jean Paul Sartre
Maria Sharapova
Brooke Shields
Frank Sinatra
Kirsten Smith
Ringo Starr
Chelsea Staub

Danielle Steel
Barbra Streisand
Charlize Theron
John Updike
Kanye West
Betty White
Robin Williams
Tiger Woods
Alexei Yagudin

The 4'-9", 16 year old, gymnast Shawn Johnson competed in the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games August 8-24 2008.

Shawn took home 4 medals. She was the women's balance beam gold medalist, floor exercise silver medalist, and the individual all-around silver medalist! The US Women's team also earned the silver medal.

Shawn lives in West Des Moines, Iowa, with her parents Teri & Doug. She has a Golden Retriever named Tucker and two tabby cats, Max and Vern.

"Unlike most elite gymnasts who train approximately 40 hours a week and have private tutors, Shawn trains 20-25 hours a week and goes to public high school where she is on the "A" Honor Roll and will be a junior this fall. Shawn, her parents and coaches think it's very important for her to have a life outside of gymnastics and have time for friends, family, hobbies and school activities. Shawn has a passion for school and sets very high expectations for herself. While math is her best subject, English is her favorite. Shawn enjoys writing and uses it as well as art as a way to express her creativity." - an excerpt from her bio.

Another recent accomplishment came from stepping outside her comfort zone and into the world of dance. Shawn was the youngest ever competitor on Dancing with the Stars, and on May 19, 2009 was crowned the winner of Season 8. It looks like she's mastered two sports!

Three is a magic number,
Yes it is, it's a magic number.
Somewhere in the ancient, mystic trinity
You get three as a magic number.

The past and the present and the future.
Faith and Hope and Charity,
The heart and the brain and the body
Give you three as a magic number.

It takes three legs to make a tri-pod
Or to make a table stand.
It takes three wheels to make a ve-hicle
Called a tricycle.

Every triangle has three corners,
Every triangle has three sides,
No more, no less.
You don't have to guess.
When it's three you can see
It's a magic number.

A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that's a magic number.

3-6-9, 12-15-18, 21-24-27, 30.
3-6-9, 12-15-18, 21-24-27, 30.
Multiply backwards from three times ten:

Three time ten is (30), three times nine is (27),
Three times eight is (24), three times seven is (21),
Three times six is (18), three times five is (15),
Three times four is twelve,
And three times three is nine, and three times two is six,
And three times one is three of course.

Now take the pattern once more:
Three! . . .3-6-9
Twelve! . . .12-15-18
Twenty-one!. . .21-24-27. . .30

Now multiply from 10 backwards:
Three time ten is (30 - Keep going), three times nine is (27),
Three times eight is (24), three times seven is (21),
Three times six is (18), three times five is (15),
Three times four is twelve,
And three times three is nine, and three times two is six,
And three times one...
What is it?!
Three!
Yeah, That's a magic number.

A man and a woman had a little baby.
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family.
That's a magic number.

Music & Lyrics: George R. Newall
Performed by: Blossom Dearie

For some reason people want to lump only children together in a neat little package. They want to believe there is a "type". Usually any negative trait seen in a child will be attributed to their Only status. And, ironically enough, the traits people have in mind typically conflict with each other. They are too shy or they need to be the center of attention. They always want to be in charge or they always follow the crowd. They are too quiet or they talk too much. They're a loner or they constantly want to be around other kids. They are too immature or they act too grown up.

All only children certainly can't be all of these things. ;)

Please don't ask anyone "Is this an only child thing?". No matter what the "thing" is the answer will most likely be NO. Only children are as unique as any child with siblings. Some will be very shy, some will be very outgoing, and most will fall somewhere in the middle. Pick a trait and the same can be said for ANY child.

If you are the parent of an only do not dismiss any bad behavior by believing it must be because they don't have a sibling. If a behavior is unacceptable work on it. Teach them the correct way to behave. All children have things that need to be worked on. All parents have to put in the effort. You are most definitely not alone.

If you are not the parent of an only do not form an opinion of only children as a general population. You know that each of your children are completely different from each other. If they are that different growing up with the same parents, in the same household, with the same experiences you can't possibly assume all only children growing up in completely different situations would act the same.

"I believe that the parts of my daughter's personality that I can influence will be affected by our parenting and by her experiences in the world--not by her being a singleton."

-MommaChop
Posted in guestbook July 27, 2007

In my opinion any negatives are no different from kids with siblings.

You can say they might be lonely...but so can kids with sibs. As long as your child is in activities, and has friends over, and has you to play with they don't have to be lonely at all.

You can say when the parents are gone they will have no one for support...but again even people with sibs don't always have their support or help. They WILL have support from their spouse or friends or extended family...and losing a parent will hurt just as much no matter how many siblings there are.

You can say they will be spoiled...that's easy don't spoil them. Have them wait their turn, have them share, teach them to respect their belongings as well as the belongings of others. And just because you can afford anything they want doesn't mean you have to give it to them. The child can still earn their own money and save for things...I did :) and there are plenty of non-only families with money who "spoil" their kids.

Hmm...I'm all out of possible cons.

All kinds of Families

My hope is that this group becomes a melting pot made up of lenses with stories and information about many types of families.

All families are welcome!

Bronze Figurine - "Family"
$170.00

Handcrafted, limited edition, solid cast bronze sculpture measuring 13" H x 5" W.




I found this small statue of a family of three purely by accident. The moment I saw it I thought 'Now that is the image of a perfect family.'

I thought you, other parents of Onlies, might agree. :)

This lens was chosen as

Lens of the Day on July 26th 2007.

:)

October 2007 issue of Joy Magazine
from Southern Oregon's Mail Tribune

Family Wise
One Cherished Child
The joys and challenges of parenting a singleton

You can read the full article at mailtribune.com.

The image below is the sidebar where this lens is mentioned in the print version.

I should add that while I am an only my husband is not. He is the youngest of 4 children so he knows first hand what it's like to have siblings...and really great ones at that. Still, he has no worries about raising an only child and wouldn't want it any other way.