(by 131 people)
Only Children
I'm an only child with an only child of my own by choice. When I close my eyes and imagine the perfect family size this is it.
When I was in college I started a yahoo club (they were clubs back then) for onlies. That's been abandoned for a while but I am now host of the Parents of onlies board at BabyCenter. I'm always on the search for only child related information and I love being able to help parents, who have an only not by choice, see all the benefits of having an only even though they were hoping for more.
Why would I choose to have an only child?
I guess the main reason is because I liked being an only so much that I want the same for my daughter :) I suppose if our family didn't feel complete to either my husband or myself that reason wouldn't be good enough, but nothing is missing for us...we don't have to try again, to do it over or do it better, or fill a void.We both have a million and one reasons for wanting an only child.
* We like being able to focus on our daughter.
* We want to enjoy everything about her without having to miss out because we have other children to take care of.
* We like having the time and ability to be the best parents we can be for her.
* We don't want our daughter to ever feel that she isn't as smart or as beautiful or as talented as a sibling or to ever question who in the family is loved more.
* We like that while other parents have to limit what they do for each child we don't.
* We want to be able to take our daughter with us all over this country and all over the world.
* We like to have time to ourselves and time as a couple...in addition to having time for our child
* We like to be organized and are people who stress easily.(well, I am)
* We like being able to have a calm household at times and an active household at others...with the ability to choose which one at which time.
* We want to pay for her education.
* We want our daughter to learn how to be an independent person, feel comfortable with being alone at times, and know how to keep herself entertained.
Neither of us feel the need for our daughter to have a sibling for any reason.
* We don't believe a baby should be born for another child to provide a playmate.
* We don't believe parents should have a second child incase something happens to their first.
* We don't believe there are any lessons that our daughter can't learn without a sibling.
* We know that having a sibling is not a magic cure all for boredom, or loneliness, or character flaws, or dealing with aging parents.
* We don't care what societies "norm" is, or how many people give us their unsolicited opinion on why we need to have another.
We have always wanted a singleton even before we met each other this was our decision for ourselves. No one has ever made a comment to either of us that made us question this decision. We have gotten angry at some of the things that come out of people's mouths (or fingers here online), but have never felt uncertain because of them.
Only child clothing and gifts
JCA custom designs
Links worth clicking.
Message boards and only child info
- BabyCenter: Parents of onlies
- Did you choose to have an only child or is that just the way things have turned out so far? Are you thrilled with your decision to have an only or do you worry how your child will behave and what people will think? Whether you have an only by choice or by circumstance this is the board for you.
- Moobers
- Moobers, "Mothers of Onlies who Oppose Bush", is a private online group of ultra-liberal, potty-mouthed, zany-but-lovable moms who have one child. They like to consider themselves an online secret society that will one day take over the world. There is even a sub-board for mooblets...those are the onlies themselves. For a taste of moobers, you can visit their shared blog.
- Only Child
- Only Child is a quarterly publication devoted to one of the fastest growing segments of our society... Only Children of all ages. There are an estimated 20 million only child households in the United States alone. Their goal is to constructively address the concerns and interests of only children, their parents, grandparents, family and friends... from child care to eldercare.
- Dr. Susan Newman
- This author of Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only, has studied only child families since the 1980s and shatters the myths of the lonely, spoiled only child.
- Singletons: The World of Only Children
- Psychology Today magazine asked Susan Newman to blog about only children. She will use it to discuss only children, societal views, parental pressures, stereotypes, new only child findings, and more.
- Myths about only children
- An article written by Dr. Toni Falbo, a professor of educational psychology and sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. Read why only children are no more lonely, selfish or maladjusted than others and what possible advantages this upbringing allows.
- BeingAnOnly
- Resources for only children of all ages with information and links for adult onlies and parents of onlies.
Books for Onlies and their parents
Pip the Penguin: How Many? Too Many! (Pip the Penguin)
Ok...this isn't a book about only children, but I love it! Every page counts down till the end: Just one, says Pip. Just right!5 points
Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only by Susan Newman Ph.D.
I have this book and it's one I always recommend on the Parent's of Onlies board.2 points
The Seven Common Sins of Parenting An Only Child: A Guide for Parents and Families by Carolyn White
Another great book for parents of only children0 points
My Only Child, Theres No One Like You (Birth Order Books)
One of the few children's books written for onlies.0 points
Dr. Susan Newman
Author of Parenting an Only Child
Dr. Susan Newman on Family Size on Good Morning America
What's the right family size for you? Susan Newman, author of Parenting An Only Child, answers GMA hosts' questions about adding to their families.
Runtime: 5:01
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What did I like most about being an only child?
Its hard to say really...how about random great things?
I loved having sleep overs. I think they are even more special for onlies because they don't have someone there everynight. I would think it becomes mundane that way...but for me it was a treat...my mom would make it a big deal and we would do tons of girly things all night and then stay up and talk till we couldn't keep our eyes open. Sleep overs with other onlies were especially cool because no matter which house we were at there was no one to bug us ;)
I loved the fact that there was no built in tattle tale or someone to blame me for something I didn't do. There was no competition to be the smart one, or the pretty one, or the funny one...no impossible expectations to be like anyone else by my parents or teachers or coaches...no worry that I wasn't the favorite, or worse that I was the favorite and have my siblings resent me for it.
I loved bringing friends with me to amusement parks and water parks and on vacation...I got to choose who to go with and not be stuck with a baby sib, or have a big sib feeling like they were stuck with me...and getting to go to Disney World at ages 2,4,6,8,10,13,15 with my parents (and a few friends), and at 16 & 20 with just friends.
I loved having the house all to myself after school or the few times my parents went away.
I'm so amazingly (is that a word LOL) happy that I got to go to the University of my choice. And while I did work part time during the year and summer and winter internships, there would have been no way I could have gone to a private school for 5 years (my major was Architecture) if my parents didn't pay for the majority of it. I worked my butt off for that degree and didn't take the gift I was given for granted at all. I also got to start my life off debt free when I graduated. I think that is the greatest thing my parents did for me and hope to be able to do the same for my daughter!
I feel very lucky to be an only and am excited to be raising one of my own. :)
Comebacks to some of those rude questions
If you'd like to change the subject, be equally rude, or answer honestly.
Distraction: Where are you guys going on vacation this year?
Wisecrack: As soon as you get some manners.
Polite: He's not. We only want one child.
Why would you only want one child?
Distraction: Are those new shoes?
Wisecrack: The dog is jealous enough as it is.
Polite: It's a family decision that seems right for us.
Don't you think Hannah will be lonely without a sister or brother?
Distraction: Pardon me; I think my cell phone is ringing.
Wisecrack: No, the voices in her head seem to keep her company.
Polite: She has lots of friends and classmates.
Is something wrong that you can't have any more?
Distraction: Is your son eating dirt over there? Oh no, my mistake.
Wisecrack: We lost the directions and can't figure out how!
Polite: No, it's simply a family decision.
Watch out, it's easy to spoil only children.
Distraction: Is is hot in here?
Wisecrack: Is that what happened to you?
Polite: We'll keep that in mind.
Custom gifts for your singleton
Have something made just for your only.
Sign Language - Kids T-Shirt
Your child's name in sign. Custom order. Before ordering contact us to request name and color choices.
Price: 15.99
Name Flower - Infant/Toddler T-Shirt
Your child's name becomes the flower's petals. Custom order. Before ordering contact us to request name and color choices.
Price: 10.99
Name Train - Teddy Bear
Your child's name turns into a train. Custom order. Before ordering contact us to request name and color choices.
Price: 14.99
Famous Only Children
Onlies are in good company!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Ansel Adams
Steve Allen
William A. Anders
Hans Christian Anderson
Christina Applegate
Lance Armstrong
Lauren Bacall
Burt Bacharach
Jeff Bagwell
John the Baptist
Joy Behar
Candice Bergen
Frank Borman
Bill Bradley
Pierce Brosnan
Carol Burnett
Mark Burnett
Laura Bush
Ada Byron
Roy Cohn
Chelsea Clinton
David Copperfield
Walter Cronkite
Leonardo da Vinci
Sammy Davis Jr.
Robert De Niro
Nick Faldo
Gerald Ford
E.M. Forster
Indira Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Rudolph Giuliani
Tipper Gore
Cary Grant
Alan Greenspan
Teri Hatcher
William Randolph Hearst
Lillian Hellman
Anthony Hopkins
Beth Howland
Gayle Hunnicut
Samuel L. Jackson
Shirley Jones
Tommy Lee Jones
James A. Lovell
China Kantner
Alicia Keys
Ted Koppel
Lenny Kravitz
Diane Lane
Charles Lindbergh
John Lennon
Phil Lynott
Jesse Metcalfe
Joe Montana
Iris Murdoch
Isaac Newton
Larisa Oleynik
Jerry Orbach
Al Pacino
Gregory Peck
Matthew Perry
Cole Porter
Natalie Portman
Ezra Pound
Enoch Powell
Elvis Presley
Lisa Marie Presley
Daniel Radcliffe
Nancy Reagan
Condoleezza Rice
LeAnn Rimes
Eleanor Roosevelt
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Richie Sambora
Jean Paul Sartre
Brooke Shields
Frank Sinatra
Kirsten Smith
Danielle Steel
Barbra Streisand
Charlize Theron
John Updike
Kanye West
Betty White
Robin Williams
Tiger Woods
Alexei Yagudin
Famous Onlies
Autographed photos
Fetching new data from eBay now... please stand by
An Olympic Only
Shawn Johnson
We will be seeing the 4'9", 16 year old, gymnast Shawn Johnson at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games August 8-24.
She came in first place at the Olympic Trials in June, and she was just named Choice Female Athlete at the Teen Choice Awards. :)
Shawn lives in West Des Moines, Iowa, with her parents Teri & Doug. She has a Golden Retriever named Tucker and two tabby cats, Max and Vern.
"Unlike most elite gymnasts who train approximately 40 hours a week and have private tutors, Shawn trains 20-25 hours a week and goes to public high school where she is on the "A" Honor Roll and will be a junior this fall. Shawn, her parents and coaches think it's very important for her to have a life outside of gymnastics and have time for friends, family, hobbies and school activities. Shawn has a passion for school and sets very high expectations for herself. While math is her best subject, English is her favorite. Shawn enjoys writing and uses it as well as art as a way to express her creativity." - an excerpt from her bio.
I'm sure there are many more. If you know of other only children Olympians at this year's games let me know!
Three is a Magic Number
Says School House Rock
Three is a magic number,Yes it is, it's a magic number.
Somewhere in the ancient, mystic trinity
You get three as a magic number.
The past and the present and the future.
Faith and Hope and Charity,
The heart and the brain and the body
Give you three as a magic number.
It takes three legs to make a tri-pod
Or to make a table stand.
It takes three wheels to make a ve-hicle
Called a tricycle.
Every triangle has three corners,
Every triangle has three sides,
No more, no less.
You don't have to guess.
When it's three you can see
It's a magic number.
A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that's a magic number.
3-6-9, 12-15-18, 21-24-27, 30.
3-6-9, 12-15-18, 21-24-27, 30.
Multiply backwards from three times ten:
Three time ten is (30), three times nine is (27),
Three times eight is (24), three times seven is (21),
Three times six is (18), three times five is (15),
Three times four is twelve,
And three times three is nine, and three times two is six,
And three times one is three of course.
Now take the pattern once more:
Three! . . .3-6-9
Twelve! . . .12-15-18
Twenty-one!. . .21-24-27. . .30
Now multiply from 10 backwards:
Three time ten is (30 - Keep going), three times nine is (27),
Three times eight is (24), three times seven is (21),
Three times six is (18), three times five is (15),
Three times four is twelve,
And three times three is nine, and three times two is six,
And three times one...
What is it?!
Three!
Yeah, That's a magic number.
A man and a woman had a little baby.
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family.
That's a magic number.
Music & Lyrics: George R. Newall
Performed by: Blossom Dearie
Is this an only child thing?
Be honest...how many times have you had that thought?
All only children certainly can't be all of these things. ;)
Please don't ask anyone "Is this an only child thing?". No matter what the "thing" is the answer will most likely be NO. Only children are as unique as any child with siblings. Some will be very shy, some will be very outgoing, and most will fall somewhere in the middle. Pick a trait and the same can be said for ANY child.
If you are the parent of an only do not dismiss any bad behavior by believing it must be because they don't have a sibling. If a behavior is unacceptable work on it. Teach them the correct way to behave. All children have things that need to be worked on. All parents have to put in the effort. You are most definitely not alone.
If you are not the parent of an only do not form an opinion of only children as a general population. You know that each of your children are completely different from each other. If they are that different growing up with the same parents, in the same household, with the same experiences you can't possibly assume all only children growing up in completely different situations would act the same.
"I believe that the parts of my daughter's personality that I can influence will be affected by our parenting and by her experiences in the world--not by her being a singleton."
-MommaChop
Posted in guestbook July 27, 2007
Random, but related. Really.
Fetching new data from eBay now... please stand byDo I think there is a downside to only-hood?
You can say they might be lonely...but so can kids with sibs. As long as your child is in activities, and has friends over, and has you to play with they don't have to be lonely at all.
You can say when the parents are gone they will have no one for support...but again even people with sibs don't always have their support or help. They WILL have support from their spouse or friends or extended family...and losing a parent will hurt just as much no matter how many siblings there are.
You can say they will be spoiled...that's easy don't spoil them. Have them wait their turn, have them share, teach them to respect their belongings as well as the belongings of others. And just because you can afford anything they want doesn't mean you have to give it to them. The child can still earn their own money and save for things...I did :) and there are plenty of non-only families with money who "spoil" their kids.
Hmm...I'm all out of possible cons.
Check out the All kinds of Families Headquarters
It's group here on Squidoo!
All kinds of FamiliesMy hope is that this group becomes a melting pot made up of lenses with stories and information about many types of families.
All families are welcome!
The Image of Family
Bronze Figurine - "Family"
$170.00
Handcrafted, limited edition, solid cast bronze sculpture measuring 13" H x 5" W.
I found this small statue of a family of three purely by accident. The moment I saw it I thought 'Now that is the image of a perfect family.'
I thought you, other parents of Onlies, might agree. :)
Only Children on Squidoo
The best gift you can give your child
If you are the parent of an Only I'm sure you've heard (or read) this line:
"The best gift you can give your child is a sibling."
Now, I'm certainly glad some folks have more than one child. Not everyone is fulfilled with one and what works for me won't work for them. But, really?...there is nothing you'd put ahead of a sibling?
I, as you would expect, completely disagree. First, a child should not be "given" to another child. Second, I can think of many things that a parent would want to give their child all of which, I would hope, are more important than a sibling.
This lens got a mention in Joy!
October 2007 issue of Joy Magazinefrom Southern Oregon's Mail Tribune
Family Wise
One Cherished Child
The joys and challenges of parenting a singleton
There is an online version of the full article here.
The image below is the sidebar where this lens is mentioned in the print version.
One last thing
Are you an Only Child? Do you have one?
Come and say hi.
When commenting please remember this lens is to help others.
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TwoBrightHeads
Very interesting lens. I am dad to my single daughter. She didn't really mind being a single child. I learn many things here. A 5* and thank you. Posted August 05, 2008 |
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annetteghallowell
My only child is just leaving for college in 2 weeks. People are asking me what I will do when she leaves. We are extremely close. Don't get me wrong, she did go through her teen rebel stage, but I am so thankful that I have had the time to give her the experiences she has had. Thank you for such an affirming lens! Posted August 04, 2008 |
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Spook
Thoughtprovoking, although am not an only child and have three children of my own, found this lens fascinating and has given me a lot to think about. Posted August 04, 2008 |
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njppa
My husband and I are raising an only child and quite happy with that decision. While I don't remember a lot of only children growing up, I am seeing a larger trend of people choosing to do the 1 child family. Out of 10 children in his class last year, over half were singletons and planning to stay that way. Very nice lens. Posted July 25, 2008 |
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InspiredWritingResearch
Lovely, well-rounded and thought-provoking lens, especially for me - my husband and I have a big family and both come from big families too!Faved! Posted July 17, 2008 |
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Christene
Never having a sibling in the house, and having one there for years before they move out are two totally different things. Of course you will miss your sibling, and your life is different all of a sudden. I can image the void that would create. Growing up as an only child we don't have that to go through. It's just normal every day life. Posted July 07, 2008 |
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thrivingmom
I think this is a very interesting lens. I wrote my college thesis about the different characteristics that people has has a result of their birth order (only children, oldest children, middle children, babies of the family, etc). I have a sister, but she is 11 years older than me. So, for part of her life she was an only child, then she was an older sibling. I then lived part of mine as a little sister, and then when I was 8 she went off to college and later married, so the rest of my time at home was much like an older child. My husband and I got a surprise pregnancy when our daughter was just 11 months old, so we are living a totally different experience than either one of us had. I personally think siblings are important because I lived with one in the house for 8 years, and then when she moved out I was very lonely and had a very difficult time. But, I don't believe only children are strange or at a disadvantage than the rest of us. Each family needs to do what suits them best. Posted July 07, 2008 |
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poddys
I just happened on this lens, really interesting. 5***** well deserved. I am an only child, my first wife was also an only child, and we only had 1 child. He had no brothers or sisters, aunts, uncles or cousins. However, he has always been able to make good friends, which is good. I on the other hand used to be really shy, and didn't have many friends growing up. My favourite phrase was "I'm bored!". I got better though :) Posted June 28, 2008 |
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debnet
I'm not an only child, but I enjoyed reading about your thoughts & feelings on the subject. Posted June 28, 2008 |
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Karen_Knight_Bennett
Thanks for you lens. It broadens people's perceptions of only children. I am the eldest of three siblings and could not imagine having only one child. My daughter was five when I had my son. I did not want her to be an only child. Both my children are truly blessings and I am so thankful for them. Posted June 28, 2008 |
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ricarde
Great lens! This proves that you can do anything and write about any topic using Squidoo. 5 stars for the great and useful content. Posted June 19, 2008 |
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ElizabethJeanAllen
I was raised when large families were the norm. I'm very close to my sisters. I can't imagine not having them. Posted June 19, 2008 |
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sharepcat
Excellent ... Posted June 18, 2008 |
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2inlaws
I, too, am an only child. I LOVED it growing up! I watched all my friends fighting with their siblings all the time. I was spoiled to a point. Now, however, as an adult kind of wish I had a sibling. I now see those same friends who fought all those years with their sibs now having loving, respectful relationships with the same sibs. I'm torn. It is true though, only you and your spouse know the right number for your family. I myself have two girls and wouldn't change it for the world. It was right for us! I cannot imagine anyone ever commenting on the choice of how many children you choose to have! What if you didn't have a choice??? Posted June 17, 2008 |
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SherryHolderHunt
I love this lens, I lensrolled it to my EZ Doodle lens for children. 5*'s from me. I only have one child, I like it that we are able to spoil him a little. His father has other children that are grown and we have grandkids. I agree with qmom, there is no magic number, it is whatever works best for you. Posted June 15, 2008 |
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spirituality
I'm the oldest of three. I wouldn't miss my brothers for the world. Posted June 14, 2008 |
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ShannonC
I grew up with a sibling and can't imagine it another way, however my husband and I have thought about having only one child for all of the reasons you mentioned in this lens. Thanks for sharing this great lens! Posted June 11, 2008 |
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WhippetTalk
What a brilliant lens! I too am and only child. But I have no children at all. Just never happened, not by choice. And now I'm too old. But I do have a great dog and he's like a child to me. I adore this lens though! Posted June 10, 2008 |
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jeffwend
I'm not an only child, but I did enjoy this lens, blessings for you. Posted June 09, 2008 |
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kellywissink
As an only married to an only, we are celebrating our 21st anniversary in a few weeks. We had a desire to have either no children or more than one. We both had great childhoods and experienced so much of what you shared. We are celebrating our THREE children ages 11, 9, and 7 as homeschooling, work at home parents and each child, to us, is our only! Posted June 03, 2008 |
