Only Children

Pip the Penguin: How Many? Too Many! (Pip the Penguin)

Ok...this isn't a book about only children, but I love it! Every page counts down till the end: Just one, says Pip. Just right!5 points

2

Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only by Susan Newman Ph.D.

I have this book and it's one I always recommend on the Parent's of Onlies board.2 points

3

The Seven Common Sins of Parenting An Only Child: A Guide for Parents and Families by Carolyn White

Another great book for parents of only children0 points

4

Only Children on Twitter

My Only Child, Theres No One Like You (Birth Order Books)

One of the few children's books written for onlies.0 points

Are you on Facebook?

You can add "Just One" flair with a quote from Pip the Penguin to your Facebook corkboard.

Go to apps.facebook.com/getflair and search for only child. You can get one for yourself and send it to friends.

Dr. Susan Newman

Author of Parenting an Only Child

Dr. Susan Newman on Family Size on Good Morning America

What's the right family size for you? Susan Newman, author of Parenting An Only Child, answers GMA hosts' questions about adding to their families.

Runtime: 5:01
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What did I like most about being an only child?

Its hard to say really...how about random great things?

I liked having dance recitals 14 years in a row and never having my mom or dad miss a single one. They were always at every recital, game, and show I was ever in. That is a feat in itself, but just being able to be in any activity I wanted was great too...I know for a fact that my extra-curriculars would have been dramatically decreased if I had siblings.

I loved having sleep overs. I think they are even more special for onlies because they don't have someone there everynight. I would think it becomes mundane that way...but for me it was a treat...my mom would make it a big deal and we would do tons of girly things all night and then stay up and talk till we couldn't keep our eyes open. Sleep overs with other onlies were especially cool because no matter which house we were at there was no one to bug us ;)

I loved the fact that there was no built in tattle tale or someone to blame me for something I didn't do. There was no competition to be the smart one, or the pretty one, or the funny one...no impossible expectations to be like anyone else by my parents or teachers or coaches...no worry that I wasn't the favorite, or worse that I was the favorite and have my siblings resent me for it.

I loved bringing friends with me to amusement parks and water parks and on vacation...I got to choose who to go with and not be stuck with a baby sib, or have a big sib feeling like they were stuck with me...and getting to go to Disney World at ages 2,4,6,8,10,13,15 with my parents (and a few friends), and at 16 & 20 with just friends.

I loved having the house all to myself after school or the few times my parents went away.

I'm so amazingly (is that a word LOL) happy that I got to go to the University of my choice. And while I did work part time during the year and summer and winter internships, there would have been no way I could have gone to a private school for 5 years (my major was Architecture) if my parents didn't pay for the majority of it. I worked my butt off for that degree and didn't take the gift I was given for granted at all. I also got to start my life off debt free when I graduated. I think that is the greatest thing my parents did for me and hope to be able to do the same for my daughter!

I feel very lucky to be an only and am excited to be raising one of my own. :)

Comebacks to some of those rude questions

If you'd like to change the subject, be equally rude, or answer honestly.

When is Jacob going to get a baby brother?
Distraction: Where are you guys going on vacation this year?
Wisecrack: As soon as you get some manners.
Polite: He's not. We only want one child.

Why would you only want one child?
Distraction: Are those new shoes?
Wisecrack: The dog is jealous enough as it is.
Polite: It's a family decision that seems right for us.

Don't you think Hannah will be lonely without a sister or brother?
Distraction: Pardon me; I think my cell phone is ringing.
Wisecrack: No, the voices in her head seem to keep her company.
Polite: She has lots of friends and classmates.

Is something wrong that you can't have any more?
Distraction: Is your son eating dirt over there? Oh no, my mistake.
Wisecrack: We lost the directions and can't figure out how!
Polite: No, it's simply a family decision.

Watch out, it's easy to spoil only children.
Distraction: Is is hot in here?
Wisecrack: Is that what happened to you?
Polite: We'll keep that in mind.

Custom gifts for your singleton

Have something made just for your only.

Sign Language - Kids T-Shirt

From: JCA temp

Your child's name in sign. Custom order. Before ordering contact us to request name and color choices.

Price: 15.99

Name Flower - Infant/Toddler T-Shirt

From: JCA temp

Your child's name becomes the flower's petals. Custom order. Before ordering contact us to request name and color choices.

Price: 10.99

Name Train - Teddy Bear

From: JCA temp

Your child's name turns into a train. Custom order. Before ordering contact us to request name and color choices.

Price: 14.99

Famous Only Children

Onlies are in good company!

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Ansel Adams
Steve Allen
William A. Anders
Hans Christian Anderson
Christina Applegate
Lance Armstrong
Lauren Bacall
Burt Bacharach
Jeff Bagwell

John the Baptist
Joy Behar
Candice Bergen
Frank Borman
Bill Bradley
Pierce Brosnan
Carol Burnett
Mark Burnett
Laura Bush
Ada Byron

Roy Cohn
Chelsea Clinton
David Copperfield
Walter Cronkite
Leonardo da Vinci
Sammy Davis Jr.
Robert De Niro
Nick Faldo
Gerald Ford
E.M. Forster

Indira Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Rudolph Giuliani
Selena Gomez
Tipper Gore
Cary Grant
Alan Greenspan
Teri Hatcher
William Randolph Hearst

Lillian Hellman
Anthony Hopkins
Beth Howland
Gayle Hunnicut
Samuel L. Jackson
Shawn Johnson
Shirley Jones
Tommy Lee Jones
China Kantner
Alicia Keys

Ted Koppel
Lenny Kravitz
Diane Lane
Charles Lindbergh
John Lennon
James A. Lovell
Phil Lynott
Jesse Metcalfe
Joe Montana
Iris Murdoch

Isaac Newton
Larisa Oleynik
Jerry Orbach
Al Pacino
Gregory Peck
Matthew Perry
Cole Porter
Natalie Portman
Ezra Pound
Enoch Powell

Elvis Presley
Lisa Marie Presley
Daniel Radcliffe
Nancy Reagan
Condoleezza Rice
LeAnn Rimes
Eleanor Roosevelt
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Richie Sambora
Jean Paul Sartre

Maria Sharapova
Brooke Shields
Frank Sinatra
Kirsten Smith
Danielle Steel
Barbra Streisand
Charlize Theron
John Updike
Kanye West
Betty White

Robin Williams
Tiger Woods
Alexei Yagudin

Famous Onlies

Autographed photos

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An Olympic Only

Shawn Johnson

The 4'-9", 16 year old, gymnast Shawn Johnson competed in the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games August 8-24 2008.

Shawn took home 4 medals. She was the women's balance beam gold medalist, floor exercise silver medalist, and the individual all-around silver medalist! The US Women's team also earned the silver medal.

Shawn lives in West Des Moines, Iowa, with her parents Teri & Doug. She has a Golden Retriever named Tucker and two tabby cats, Max and Vern.

"Unlike most elite gymnasts who train approximately 40 hours a week and have private tutors, Shawn trains 20-25 hours a week and goes to public high school where she is on the "A" Honor Roll and will be a junior this fall. Shawn, her parents and coaches think it's very important for her to have a life outside of gymnastics and have time for friends, family, hobbies and school activities. Shawn has a passion for school and sets very high expectations for herself. While math is her best subject, English is her favorite. Shawn enjoys writing and uses it as well as art as a way to express her creativity." - an excerpt from her bio.

Another recent accomplishment came from stepping outside her comfort zone and into the world of dance. Shawn was the youngest ever competitor on Dancing with the Stars, and on May 19, 2009 was crowned the winner of Season 8. It looks like she's mastered two sports!

Three is a Magic Number

Says School House Rock

Three is a magic number,
Yes it is, it's a magic number.
Somewhere in the ancient, mystic trinity
You get three as a magic number.

The past and the present and the future.
Faith and Hope and Charity,
The heart and the brain and the body
Give you three as a magic number.

It takes three legs to make a tri-pod
Or to make a table stand.
It takes three wheels to make a ve-hicle
Called a tricycle.

Every triangle has three corners,
Every triangle has three sides,
No more, no less.
You don't have to guess.
When it's three you can see
It's a magic number.

A man and a woman had a little baby,
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family,
And that's a magic number.

3-6-9, 12-15-18, 21-24-27, 30.
3-6-9, 12-15-18, 21-24-27, 30.
Multiply backwards from three times ten:

Three time ten is (30), three times nine is (27),
Three times eight is (24), three times seven is (21),
Three times six is (18), three times five is (15),
Three times four is twelve,
And three times three is nine, and three times two is six,
And three times one is three of course.

Now take the pattern once more:
Three! . . .3-6-9
Twelve! . . .12-15-18
Twenty-one!. . .21-24-27. . .30

Now multiply from 10 backwards:
Three time ten is (30 - Keep going), three times nine is (27),
Three times eight is (24), three times seven is (21),
Three times six is (18), three times five is (15),
Three times four is twelve,
And three times three is nine, and three times two is six,
And three times one...
What is it?!
Three!
Yeah, That's a magic number.

A man and a woman had a little baby.
Yes, they did.
They had three in the family.
That's a magic number.

Music & Lyrics: George R. Newall
Performed by: Blossom Dearie

Is this an only child thing?

Be honest...how many times have you had that thought?

For some reason people want to lump only children together in a neat little package. They want to believe there is a "type". Usually any negative trait seen in a child will be attributed to their Only status. And, ironically enough, the traits people have in mind typically conflict with each other. They are too shy or they need to be the center of attention. They always want to be in charge or they always follow the crowd. They are too quiet or they talk too much. They're a loner or they constantly want to be around other kids. They are too immature or they act too grown up.

All only children certainly can't be all of these things. ;)

Please don't ask anyone "Is this an only child thing?". No matter what the "thing" is the answer will most likely be NO. Only children are as unique as any child with siblings. Some will be very shy, some will be very outgoing, and most will fall somewhere in the middle. Pick a trait and the same can be said for ANY child.

If you are the parent of an only do not dismiss any bad behavior by believing it must be because they don't have a sibling. If a behavior is unacceptable work on it. Teach them the correct way to behave. All children have things that need to be worked on. All parents have to put in the effort. You are most definitely not alone.

If you are not the parent of an only do not form an opinion of only children as a general population. You know that each of your children are completely different from each other. If they are that different growing up with the same parents, in the same household, with the same experiences you can't possibly assume all only children growing up in completely different situations would act the same.

"I believe that the parts of my daughter's personality that I can influence will be affected by our parenting and by her experiences in the world--not by her being a singleton."

-MommaChop
Posted in guestbook July 27, 2007

Random, but related. Really.

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Do I think there is a downside to only-hood?

In my opinion any negatives are no different from kids with siblings.

You can say they might be lonely...but so can kids with sibs. As long as your child is in activities, and has friends over, and has you to play with they don't have to be lonely at all.

You can say when the parents are gone they will have no one for support...but again even people with sibs don't always have their support or help. They WILL have support from their spouse or friends or extended family...and losing a parent will hurt just as much no matter how many siblings there are.

You can say they will be spoiled...that's easy don't spoil them. Have them wait their turn, have them share, teach them to respect their belongings as well as the belongings of others. And just because you can afford anything they want doesn't mean you have to give it to them. The child can still earn their own money and save for things...I did :) and there are plenty of non-only families with money who "spoil" their kids.

Hmm...I'm all out of possible cons.

Check out the All kinds of Families Headquarters

It's group here on Squidoo!

All kinds of Families

My hope is that this group becomes a melting pot made up of lenses with stories and information about many types of families.

All families are welcome!

The Image of Family

Bronze Mother, Father and child Figurine

Bronze Figurine - "Family"
$170.00

Handcrafted, limited edition, solid cast bronze sculpture measuring 13" H x 5" W.

I found this small statue of a family of three purely by accident. The moment I saw it I thought 'Now that is the image of a perfect family.'

I thought you, other parents of Onlies, might agree. :)

Only Children on Squidoo

This lens was chosen as

Lens of the Day on July 26th 2007.

:)

You might also be interested in...

If you are on the fence about having an only child you may be wondering what your first born will think of their "only" status once they're older...maybe as a teenager or adult. Well...just to help you see that there are indeed people who love being...

The best gift you can give your child

If you are the parent of an Only I'm sure you've heard (or read) this line:
"The best gift you can give your child is a sibling."

Now, I'm certainly glad some folks have more than one child. Not everyone is fulfilled with one and what works for me won't work for them. But, really?...there is nothing you'd put ahead of a sibling?

I, as you would expect, completely disagree. First, a child should not be "given" to another child. Second, I can think of many things that a parent would want to give their child all of which, I would hope, are more important than a sibling.

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This lens got a mention in Joy!

October 2007 issue of Joy Magazine
from Southern Oregon's Mail Tribune

Family Wise
One Cherished Child
The joys and challenges of parenting a singleton

There is an online version of the full article here.

The image below is the sidebar where this lens is mentioned in the print version.

Only Children - October 2007 issue of Joy Magazine

One last thing

I should add that while I am an only my husband is not. He is the youngest of 4 children so he knows first hand what it's like to have siblings...and really great ones at that. Still, he has no worries about raising an only child and wouldn't want it any other way.

Are you an Only Child? Do you have one?

Come and say hi.

When commenting please remember this lens is to help others.

aj2008 wrote...

Just revsisiting all the lenses in the Children and Parenting Group to say how proud I am of the qaulity in the Group. Thank you for being part of it.

Posted May 20, 2009

Momtothezoo wrote...

Christene, thank you so much for your lens. I really enjoyed it. My husband and I have five children, two his natural, two my natural, and one adopted foster daughter but, believe me, they are ALL OURS! However, my sister only have one child by choice and my natural daughter only has one by choice. Her choices are very much like the ones listed in your lens. The way things are today, it is so difficult for young people and I totally understand the logic. It was hard enough raising all of ours, much less getting them all through college, but we survived. I think you child is a very lucky little girl. I have heard the excuse so many times, "oh, I don't want them to be lonely." They won't be if the parents are the parents that parents are supposed to be. Good Luck! Come over and read my lens on my grandmother. http://www.squidoo.com/my-grandmothers-time She lived in another world from either of ours.

Posted May 17, 2009

aj2008 wrote...

I l,ove the "comebacks" to those rude people. This excellent lens is Blessed by an Angel.

Posted April 13, 2009

KimGiancaterino wrote...

I don't have children, but when I married my husband I became step-mom to a 7-year old. He's a teenager now, and involved in many activities. It's hard to keep up sometimes. I really admire parents who can meet the needs of several kids at one time. One is definitely enough for me.

Posted April 10, 2009

Lensmaster

ADB wrote

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My husband and I are not only children but chose to have an only. You can't imagine the grief we get from almost everyone we know about making the decision to have an only. Neither my husband nor I are close to our siblings and we both were always the responsible children among our siblings. Thus, to this day we are the "forgotten" ones from both of our parents because they never had to worry about us like they did with our siblings. How sad is that? To this day both my husband and I wished that our sets of parents would just give us an ounce of attention and affection. We did not want this for our child. We want him to grow up feeling loved and needed. We want him to have the confidence that my husband and I have lacked over the years. In other words, we want our son to have every opportunity that we never had. Most importantly, we want our only son to know that he is and always will be wanted by us!

Posted February 25, 2009

Lensmaster

Annie wrote

Sally-
I ran over the word limit in my last post--I also think your emotional concern for your daughter is important--however, my mother and her sister haven't spoken in years. My best friend is closer with me than she is her siblings...

But again--I think the number is placed on your heart. I always thought I would have a lot of children--but our family felt 100% complete at one child (and a dog!) I think it makes it tough when you aren't 100%. For some people, it can be the hardest choice they will ever make!

Posted February 09, 2009

Lensmaster

Annie wrote

Sally-
Sally-It has been my observation that in most cases one child takes responsibility for the care of an aging parent-no matter how many children the parents had. For example, my mother is one of three. Her sister lives far away--and so does she. Their brother takes care of everything for their parents. I hope her parents did not have two other children just to make sure they were taken care of! The same happened in my dad's family.

Maybe it is the same thing as if you are injured and there is only one person around--that one person is more likely to help you than if there is an entire group of people. (The group of bystanders think--someone else will help, I don't need to take personal responsibility.)

Anyway, I think my husband and I will be more financially able to provide for ourselves since we will not be drained by raising several children.

I do think the number of children a person should have is placed on their heart. I wish more people would accept this!

Posted February 09, 2009

Lensmaster

Sally wrote

I am very comfortable with every aspect of having one child apart from my daughter not having siblings when her Dad and I pass away. My husband tells me this is silly to try to plan for as we never know what life my bring. We may have another child and the two might not be close, etc.

I really want to say thank you for this site. I have been going over this decision in my head for the last nine months, it was such a breath of fresh air to come across it! I am excited to show my husband. He is very comfortable with one child and says he will have another if i'd like another, but he is very content with one.

I am also content, but I tend to worry. I don't want to regret not having another child. I always thought I would have four or five kids, but I think that is because my parents did! Thank you for putting this site up. It is so nice to know I'm not alone with how I feel. (i read all of the reasons you love having one, and i feel the same way!)

Posted February 04, 2009

Lensmaster

Sally wrote

I had my daughter when I was very young. I felt it was best to wait to have another child until we could 'afford' it. Life went on and now that I am 33 and my husband is 37 we feel we could afford to have another child. My daughter is now 14 and after reading a gentlemans response above about wishing he had siblings to talk about old times with now that his parents have moved on, I feel very worried that we have made a terrible mistake.

I have absoultely loved having so much time and attention to give to my daughter. We are a very close and happy family. She is very well ajusted and I have never bought into this whole only child syndrome thing. I am the oldest of five children, and I felt extremely lonely growing up. I also feel my daughter is much better at sharing than I am! She tells me she loves being an only child. In school they learned about overpopulation and she thinks being an only is the way to go! She has decided that she too wants to have one child.

Posted February 04, 2009

Lensmaster

Jessica (labdogs42) wrote

I AM an only and my son is an only. I loved it and I think he will, too. my husband is the oldest of two and he is happy to have an only. Sure, having a family made up of three oldest/only children is its own challenge, but we manage to work it out!! We all like to be in charge -- wheeeee!!! Love your lens. Thanks for writing it. It is like you were inside my brain!

Posted January 29, 2009

Snozzle wrote...

I was an only child and it didn't effect me too much when young. Now, as the years have shot by and my parents are no longer around, I wish I had brothers or sisters who had known me all of my life. It would be good to talk over old times.

The advantage of being an only child is that I've grown up happy with my own company - even though I have my own family.

Interesting 5* lens.

Mike.

Posted January 27, 2009

freddi wrote...

I'm not an only, but I have an only. People can be unintentionally thoughtless about asking. It's often hard to know how to respond. I've often worried about having only one. Thank you for your uplifting perspective. Great lens!

Posted January 19, 2009

Lensmaster

Juanita wrote

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

DH and I have made a conscious decision to have an only. My daughter just turned 15 months and for the last 12 months, everyone has asked when the next one is coming. When I say that we're "one and done" they look at me like I've suddenly sprouted a second head. I want to do what's right for my DD. After reading your lens and the articles and support on here, I feel 100% confident in our decision. Plus, I have some really good comebacks now too! Thanks again.

Posted January 16, 2009

Lensmaster

aimee wrote

You have a smorgasboard of great things to look at! A variety of resources for the pensive person!

Posted January 16, 2009

EverythingMouse wrote...

I am the youngest of 3 and have 3 children myself. My siblings are older by 9 and 13 years so for many years I think I had the benefits of being treated like an only child.....

Blessings to you Christene for such a thoughtfull, detailed and wonerfully 'crafted' lens.

Posted January 11, 2009

Lensmaster

Tracey wrote

Although I have three sons I often tell people that each individual child wishes they were an only child. In fact the youngest often gives a look to the other two as if to say "Are you two still here? And when are you leaving?" Which brings me to my point of the childs perspective. I think many parents feel that their child will be lonely or miss out on something without a sibling. I don't think that is a accurate thought and that the child would be just fine as an only, having their own unique childhood just like eveyone else. I think the "down side" of being an only is nothing more than a projection of the parents feelings toward the situation.

Posted January 09, 2009

Ramkitten wrote...

I sometimes forget that I'm not an only child, since my brothers and I are so far apart in age--they're 16 and 20 years older--so I basically grew up like an only child. So when I started to read this lens, I had to remind myself that I'm not technically an only child, though I could totally relate to it. I've always thought the stigma about only children was ... well, hogwash. Great lens and 5*.

Posted January 01, 2009

Lensmaster

j wrote

Just wanted to drop a note to say thank you so much for those comebacks! I read them an hour ago and I am still laughing. I needed them.

Posted November 29, 2008

love4free wrote...

Hey Christene, good luck on your lens, seems like you are doing great.
I have some great information in my lens for single mothers who needs support. Feel free to visit my lens : Low-Income-Families
Mali

Posted November 27, 2008