How To Properly Be Owned By A Cat

I am currently owned by two cats. Yes, two...that's a different story. Calypso is my girl and she is a tortoiseshell lovely who is quite possibly the softest thing on the planet. Mister Giles is my boy and he is an all white delightful baby. I call them positive names so that you won't think I am a terrible cat mom when I also tell you that they are evil and cruel. If, for instance, their food dish should happen to become empty in the middle of the night, it should be filled immediately. No matter that I am deep asleep. I am about to be nudged relentlessly. Or, my favorite is to be poked in the eye with a very cold and wet kitty nose. Good times. Good kitties.