Why You Shouldn't Wear Pajama Pants in Public

So I'm in Wal-Mart doing some shopping over the weekend. That was my first mistake. Suddenly I come across Pajama Pants Guy. There were a few obvious observations to be made here:

1. Pajama Pants Guy has a complete lack of fashion sense.
2. Pajama Pants Guy is aloof in that he doesn't feel the need to conform to accepted societal norms.
3. Pajama Pants Guy has a raging boner.

Now, stop, go back to number 3, and re-read that sentence. Horrifying, no? The only thing separating me and "Lil" Pajama Pants Guy is a very thin layer of 100% cotton. After recoiling in horror, I made like Snagglepuss and exited stage left (even).

Think about your last visit to Wally World. Was there anything even remotely arousing about your experience? Between the offensive odors, Cousin Eddie's brethren roaming around, and the Wal-tards at the checkout I'm typically disgusted within a matter of minutes. "Aroused" doesn't even enter the equation. Flaccid at best here.

That having been said, here's the takeaway. Listen up 'cause I'm giving you diamonds, here. Pajama pants are made in such a way that they are not intended for public wear. Apparently they possess magical powers that are boner-inducing, all the more reason they should not leave the comfort of your home. So please Mr. Pajama Pants Guy, do us all a favor and throw on a pair of (loose) jeans.

I can think of only a few exceptions to the rule here:

* If you're running outside to grab something out of your car, pajama pants are acceptable.

* If you have to sign for a Fed Ex package (boners aside), pajama pants are a go.

* One may wear pajama pants to take out the trash.

On your way to court, Michael? That's a fashion felony, brotha.