What is Parent Alienation Syndrome?
Ranked #35 in Relationships & Family, #4,547 overall
Parent Alienation and Child Custody Disputes
PASabout is not necessarily about domestic abuse, yet certainly IS emotional abuse and brainwashing the mind of a child. Alarming numbers of innocent and loving parents have become separated from their own offspring after divorce. Custody battles have become an easy target for the 'family court' system and for vindictive spouses who will use their own children as pawns in a battle to WIN. To win what? Read on...
Contents at a Glance
POLL: Ever Heard of PAS?
Is the term PAS new to you?
PAS is a critical condition which drastically effects the lives of many many families worldwide, and yet many people have never even heard of it. Have YOU?
A Brief Introduction to PAS
PAS Awareness Organization
provided by the PAS Awareness Organization.
I pray that mine do, and yours too. Amen.
Dr. Amy J.L. Baker Speaks about PAS
"The Ties that Bind"
Dr. Baker's Book about PAS
"Breaking the Ties that Bind"
Read what these people, who as children were manipulated into hating one of their parents, had to say once they "woke up" in actual quotes from numerous interviews.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
Amazon Price: $25.24 (as of 06/03/2012)
Two important lessons learned from the quotes in this book::
1. The average length of time it took these kids to "wake up" was 20 years! (Many never do).
2. The overwhelming majority said they wished the targeted parent had tried harder to re-develop the relationship, regardless of how much they were "hated".
PAS could be described as:
the emotional rollercoaster of disbelief and a shattered heart experienced when a parent watches their adored and loved children fall prey to the hands of someone who hates their ex more than they love their own kids.
Adult Child Speaks about PAS
Child custody rights: Hear a story first hand from a victim of PAS
Talk Show Reveals Alarming Facts About PAS
Watch these interviews from the Gregory Mantell show for excellent perspectives for understanding parent alienation.
Alienators, Dr. Phil and the Wizard of Oz
PAS on TV Talk Shows: Editorial Review of Dr. Phil from the Amputated Mom
A few talk show hosts have aired episodes about PAS and Dr. Phil has done several. Television COULD be an effective route to educate the public about PAS, but this Dr. Phil' Show used a ludicrous strategy that may even do more harm than good.Dr. Phil invited the broken family to 'reunite' within an hour long show (?!) filled with 'he said - she said' nonsense, giving the alienating parent an audience for a false facade to 'say all the right things' just to impress and get validation. What a ridiculous notion that Dr. Phil might 'solve' a problem in 60 minutes that has no quick fix.
The Gregory Mantell show (video above) had a more effective and reasonable approach by interviewing experts and authors about parent alienation. Those interviews reveal the real facts and hidden truths that tend to fly under the radar and make PAS such a complicated topic.
That Dr. Phil would even air such a 'he said - she said'' type of show reveals his own ignorance about the realities behind PAS. His refusal to accept reality is not much different from that of the alienating parents themselves. Will Dr. Phil's next show interview the Wizard of OZ defending why he is so great and powerful even though he was found hiding behind a curtain pushing buttons to create that facade?
-Dr. Reena Sommer
Many alienating parents will be smart enough to avoid actually calling the kid a traitor, yet will punish that child in other subtle ways and reward them for being an ally in equally subtle ways. This is brainwashing and very damaging to the child, who will feel confused and yet know on some level that loving the other parent will cause trouble.
Divorce Poison - Take ACTION about PAS
The #1 Most HIGHLY Recommended Book for Alienated Parents
Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing
Amazon Price: $8.88 (as of 06/03/2012)
It would be a different world if this perspective about children, parenting and custody were required reading for every family court judge, for every family law attorney and for every parent going through a divorce. "Divorce Poison" is a classic that must be read by anyone who truly cares about children and the impact that divorce has on them. .
The Politics of Parental Alienation Syndrome
Controversy within family courts in part due to no established definition of PAS as a disorder in the DSM manual.
As with any condition, there is always a lag period between the time it was first identified and when it is fully embraced by the community at large (and included in such legal references). It took 95 years before Tourett'es syndrome was listed in the DSM! There are many examples of this such as: schizophrenia, cancer, attention deficit disorder, anorexia, dyslexia, HIV and AIDS. ALL of these conditions existed long before they were fully acknowledged by legal authorities and listed in references such as the DSM-IV named above. Also homosexuality was once described in the DSM as a deviant condition - but no longer.
Given that modern internet technology makes it possible for the transmissions of information and publication of research to occur much faster than ever before, one might expect that PAS will be included in legal references as a mental condition much more quickly than were the other conditions named above. Efforts are underway to classify PAS as an official mental health syndrome in the DSM manual. However due to controversial nature of the term PAS and heavy resistance to change within the family court system, it could take years before that official listing and documentation is in place. Meanwhile, to discount the existence of PAS is to turn our backs on children who are being deprived of their right to love and be loved by both parents.
While there's broad agreement that PAS occurs and is usually triggered by a divorce and child-custody dispute, the bitter debate is about whether the condition should be formally classified as a mental health syndrome. What do YOU think? Vote below.
POLL: YOUR Take on the PAS Controversy?
Parent Alienation Controversy
Gender wars, false accusations, lack of documentation in court manuals and lack of education about the syndrome among professionals keep the controversy alive.
* Originally PAS was under attack from female groups as a male tactic used against mothers in high conflict divorce. However, both men and women are victims of PAS just as both men and women file false charges or commit acts of abuse.
* Just as there are accusers who file false charges of abuse, accusations of parent alienation are also being used falsely against innocent parents. This only makes PAS even more difficult to prove.
* While there are volumes of books and articles published regarding the subject of PAS, the family court system has yet to officially include PAS in their own accepted legal resources regarding mental disorders. Efforts are currently underway to change this, however that publication will likely take years to be updated.
* Many of the people involved have not been properly educated about this syndrome, such as lawyers, judges, counselors & therapists, teachers and pediatricians. Therefore, they often make the very opposite recommendation than what might actually be in the best interest of the children involved.
"What Tigers Do" Film Based on Actual PAS Events
New film depicts actual events in a child custody battle.
Parent Alienation and Child Support
Getting out of paying child support is one part of the alienating parent's personal victory.
Of the many questions people tend to ask about PAS, one of the most common is something like...'but WHY would any parent DO such a thing to their own child?' Good question... especially given that this condition tends to be very insidious - under the radar sneaky and apparent only to those closely involved or have been educated about such a condition. Parents who would go as far as to do such are not very stable mentally in the first place, however they tend to be pros at creating a personal facade indicating otherwise, and will go to great lengths to impress others. Deep down it's only about THEM and only them - a narcissistic personality. If one understands that as the frame of mind that created the problem, then the notion that a parent might make false accusations and even brainwash their own child in order to get out of paying child support is not that hard to fathom. The custodial parent who pays child support will no longer have to pay it if they can convince the child (children) and the court system that the other parent is bad. The narcissist is a ME-ME-ME person, one who 'needs' the child (and everyone else) to adore them alone. Given such selfishness, getting out of child support is just another victory in the ME and only ME sickness.For example, one alienated parent writes: "After my ex left for his girlfriend, I managed to keep the house for 5 years somehow, but it was killing me financially to do so on my own. Finally I had to let it foreclose and declare bankruptcy. Shortly afterward, my ex had me served with legal docs. No surprise that he wanted to get out of paying child support, I knew that was one of his ultimate goals all along and since he had persuaded my sons to live with him, no reason to fight it. Yet even I was shocked that he had the nerve to demand things like that I would pay his attorney fees and even backpay of child support. I was flat broke, bankrupt and homeless, for Pete's sake...and he KNEW it! Sick, sick man!
Where to Learn More about PAS
Take advantage of the ever-growing network of support for alienated parents online.
- Breakthrough Parenting - PAS
- Comprehensive discussion about PAS and stories about families who have been through it.
- Custody & PAS
- A history of the family courts system and the origins of the term PAS related to high conflict divorce.
- Dr. Amy Baker is author of 'The Ties that Bind' and a expert on paret alienation syndrome.
- Learn about 17 signs of parent alienation, why PAS can be compared to a cult, and what alienated parents can do.
- The American Psychiatric Association (APA) considers acceptance of Parent Alienation (October 2010).
- As the APA updates its updates its catalog of mental disorders, huge interest and controversy surround the condition of parent alienation.
- A licensed marriage and family therapist explains the denigration.
- ...but then WHY would the child be saying such negative things about the other parent?
- Articles about PAS from Child Custody Experts Dr. Bricklin & Dr. Elliot
- Excellent advice about handling custody disputes in the court system when PAS is involved.
- Dr. Phil Show about Parent Alienation
- October 20, 2010 - Dr. Phil interviews parents in PAS custody battles.
- Keeping Families Connected
- Organization run by alienated parents themselves, providing support for each other.
- Why Alienating Parents are Like the Wizard of Oz
- Consider the metaphor in that BOTH the alienating parent and the wizard hide behind a very false and phony facade in order to create an image of one great and powerful. The 'great and powerful wizard' was hiding behind a slick facade, similar in many ways to alienating parents.
- Non-Custodial Mothers - Research and Trends
- Comprehensive research regarding trends within both the courts and in society about non-custodial moms.
- Audio Interviews wiith Experts about Parent Alienation
- Hear discussion about Parental Alienation - interviews with Jill Egizii, Judge Michele Lowrance and J. Michael Bone.
- BlogTalk Radio Show with Mike Jeffreis
- Mike Jeffries was a guest on BlogTalkRadio speaking about Parent Alienation. Listen to that interview here.
- Mothers for Justice
- Mothers for Justice began in 2009, and the organization is growing fast as a support network for victims of PAS. Their website includes a wealth of information, support, a forum for questions and more.
- Hope and Support for Victims of Parent Alienation
- For those who 'get' what PAS means and now want to know what to DO about it, get some good tips here.
Duel: What's YOUR take about PAS?
Without evidence of wrongdoing on the part of the parent being alienated, then ... what?
Tensions over child custody are common in divorce. PAS is NOT about these usual tensions over custody. Instead PAS refers to situations when the issues escalate to the point where one parent is totally alienated with no logical reason, yet the child (children) have begun to act very hateful toward that parent when there once was a close and loving relationship. Given that, what action shall the courts and other involved legal reps take toward this controversial issue? Many claim that parent alienation is criminal, child abuse at its worst! ...while others claim that evidence is not sufficient to make a custody decision at this time. What do YOU think?
What points should the family courts & all concerned consider heavily with regard to PAS?
No child should ever be alienated from a parent without any real evidence of wrongdoing.
dariameister says:
It's important to remember that the child would not just be being alienated from a person, but from a network of people; the parent's family and social circle.
j.cunningham says:
I have been going through this for eight years and now the judge is allowing her to move across Canada with my children and it has cost me 6000.00 .I don;t have the money to file an appeal. She has not answered my calls so I can talk to my children, her new husband . even documented won't work. there is nothing left to do. The judge said he is granting this so her nd her husband can spend more time together nd she can be a stay at home mom. I have called cps to report physical and emotional abuse and the check it out but come back saying it was accidental. my children lived with me for a year with an occational call from their mother. when I spoke to maintenace they became extremely rude with me. So I lose my children because it came down to money.
Linda Gottlieb, LMFT says:
correction: publisher is; Charles C Thomas
Linda Gottlieb, LMFT says:
Watch for my book coming in 4/4/12:The Parental Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration. Trawls C Thomas, publisher.
jercow75 says:
It is WRONG. I have heard of some of the characteristics of PAS but never to the severity of the aforementioned. Law guardians shoud be required to have this knowledge and make judgements in the best interest of the kids of course. Let's not overlook this or minimize the effects it has on all.
PAS is an interesting concept, but until legally documented it cannot be considered in the courtroom.
says:
Unto you therefore which believe [he is] precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner,
1 Peter 2:7
MoiraCrochetsPlarn says:
This issue about breaking families is so strange to me although I know it happens. I've seen a lot of movies depicting PAS but never knew anyone who experienced it.
Sometimes I think that anything that's wrong with how people cope with pain, Americans always bring to court. It's like people want to control other people's behavior, to conform to a certain behavior - which is like an oxymoron because America is founded on the concept of freedom. The way they treat their children, protecting them from all possible pain, is like a statement that pain is not essential to life, that we should all shun pain.
But in order to have a full life a person must endure pain to fully appreciate happiness. If PAS is the route that God gave to a person, then surely, God has a plan for that knot to be unraveled in due time.
But then again, I'm just a person from a third world country. Who am I to tell people how to live their lives, much more how to run their country.
curious0927 says:
No matter what the Family Court decides, If a parent alienates his children, even though the court as recorded that he have then every Wed, + every other week-end, the parent that is alienating, does not have to have these visit's. Like Diane James said, I also did all the raising without anything for myself. I was glad he didn't pick them up very much. I knew one or all three would come home upset. He is a miserable person and spreads it to his children. He is toxic, I am happy to give up any future "husband" or relationship as this would be bad for them too,. He treat's his dog's better than he treat's his children. If a court forced him to be with his children, it would devastate them. I have not said bad things about him, I cannot talk to him or even exchange emails as his tone is always negative. They are older now and hurt over the absence of their father. There are seemingly small hurts that have turned out to be very hard on my children due to his behavior, however, I thank God no one forced him to take them on the required dates, they would not have survived it. I gave everything to them, they are good students and good people. I did it alone. The worst of it all is that we now have to move because of financial difficulties and there is really not anyway we can get him to help us. What's done is done. My issue is one that our Government should be looking at., We have worked, taken care of them alone and now are broke with no good jobs in site to finish raising them. We get no food stamps as they changed the "limit" on income. It goes on..won't bore you anymore with details. We are slipping through the cracks with NO HOPE.
diane james says:
The child has a right to a relationship with both parents, it is not either parents right to anything. I try my best to cushion my kids from their fathers plain evil treatment of them, I beg them to keep in contact with him so that they don't grow up not knowing their roots. (also I would love a break from them at weekends, I'm constantly parenting and while he has had lots of relationships I haven't been able to have one, because the kids are here most of the time, I have no life now!) They dislike their father as he has always let them down, he gets his mum to care for them on his weekends, he refuses to buy them things they need at his house (like sanitary towels for my eldest daughter) and he puts girlfriends needs before theirs. Now he is accusing me of PAS because his kids don't like him!!! PAS...maybe in some situations, but sorry dad's if your kids don't like you , maybe you should look at your behaviour first! Calling PAS is just dumping yet more rubbish on single mums, we are demonised at every turn yet most of us are just trying to shield the kids we love from irresponsible fathers.
gypsyman27 says:
I went to my son on this one (God, I'm getting old!) as he is a law student. He agreed that this shouldn't be considered in court as it would be difficult to prove. He is a child of divorce and he grew up with me (may God forgive me:~)) and so he had some experience with this problem. I encouraged him to love his mother despite what he imagined she might have done to hurt him. (she left him and his older brother, literally on my doorstep and went off to smoke crack with her new male friend) I always kept my feelings out of the equation, I did not encourage him to hate his mother, but he never got over being left like he was. Sometimes the children will have their own thoughts on what should be right. No court can override that. See you around the galaxy...
Google Blog Posts about Parent Alienation
Latest Blog Posts About PAS
oh MY... how very SLY! PAS in Action
A not so funny cartoon... too true & too sad!
Personal Stories from Parents about PAS
Hear this story about PAS from a man who is devoted to helping others get through this nightmare of abuse via parent alienation.
A Family's Heartbreak
Michael Jeffries' book about the trauma and tradegy of PAS, excellent book. about what unbelievable nightmares can occur as a result of parent alienation.
A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation
Amazon Price: $12.85 (as of 06/03/2012)
A Family's Heartbreak" is a must read for anyone who suspects that PAS is working its way into his or her life.
See links to an active blog sponsored by the author of this same title below.
A Family's Heartbreak: Blog
Live Blogfeed about PAS from Michael Jeffries, author of the book 'A Family's Heartbreak' above.
Parentectomy - A Clever Book PAS Book Title
Highly recommended by this amputated mom, this clever title provides the emotional support that is crucial to survive the nightmare of PAS.
The Parentectomy ~ A Memoir: A Perspective On Rising Above Parental Alienation
Amazon Price: $10.53 (as of 06/03/2012)
"This book is an eye-opener for parents and professionals to witness the breakdown of parental bonds due to revenge. You will find comfort in this
emotional roller coaster as a mother finds her way in the world while battling her ex to continue to be what she always was -- a mother."
--Chrissy Chrzanowski, Founder-Parental Alienation Hurts --PAHurts
FILM: "Jake's Closet" about Child Custody Nightmares
If only the judges, lawyers and couselors were required to watch this heartwrenching film about PAS through the eyes and heart of a child...
JAKE'S CLOSET
Amazon Price: $19.95 (as of 06/03/2012)
"Jake's Closet" delivers an unforgettably powerful suspense film seen through the eyes of a little boy coping with his parents' divorce. It takes you on a deeply moving journey as Jake painfully views the horrors of his parents' escalating divorce. He finds himself haunted by something ominous lurking in his bedroom closet. When Jake finally confronts the presence in his closet, it leads him to a chilling revelation in a climax you'll never forget. Hidden inside the heart of this edge-of-your-seat haunting tale is a profound and long overdue film that reveals the loss of innocence and heart-wrenching pain suffered by children of high conflict divorce
"A Kidnapped Mind" True Story
Heartbreaking True Story of a Suicide as a Result of PAS
"A Kidnapped Mind" takes readers on a real life emotional roller-coaster ride. Its message is that whenever possible, former partners and the justice system should work together to ensure that children maintain strong and positive relationships with BOTH parents.
A Kidnapped Mind: A Mother's Heartbreaking Memoir of Parental Alienation
Amazon Price: $14.08 (as of 06/03/2012)
This story details one mother's efforts to stop her ex husband from alienating her son from her ... and his ultimate death through suicide. She does everything she thinks is the right thing to do, but ultimately it did not work. She shares her painful hindsight advice to all parents who are going through
PAS. Parental Alienation Syndrome is real, this heart-wrenching story is proof. Maybe someday the courts will notice it.
-- Pisarra
"Welcome Back Pluto" Film - Divorce Poisin
This unique film portrays PAS in a way designed for both parents and children affected by parent alienation.
Welcome Back Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation
Amazon Price: $28.99 (as of 06/03/2012)
"Dr. Warshak has done it again. . . .This moving and trail-blazing DVD - the first program designed for parents and children to watch together -- is
an indispensable and welcome addition to the growing field of information about parental alienation of children. "Pluto" should be a standard part of
the curriculum of co-parenting classes, parent education workshops, and anger management groups. Lawyers and therapists will want to hand out copies to clients to prevent children from becoming casualties of divorce and to help those at various stages of alienation to restore positive relationships with their parents."
--From The American Journal of Family Therapy
“...but what can I DO?
How can I help fight
against PAS?”
HOW to HELP Fight Against PAS
Speak UP! Get PAS out of the closet and into the media and minds of especially those closely involved.
How to Help? We're glad you asked. Simple...just speak UP and SPREAD THE WORD about PAS!
Do that in whatever way (s) you can.
Here are just a few examples:
*E-mail a link to this web page or others about PAS to people you know.
*Post on facebook about PAS.
*Give a book to a friend, even a stranger, as a gift.
*Ask your local library to order a book.
*If you have a web site or blog, consider writing something about PAS.
*Write a book review for your local paper or web site.
*Ask your favorite radio show to book the author as a guest.
*Own a shop or business, or know someone who does? Consider a display of books about PAS.
*Buy books and donate them to homeless shelters, prisons, rehabilitation and group homes.
*College students in psychology, counseling, social work or any mental health field might ask professors to incorporate parental alienation into their course overviews and put parental alienation books on their reading lists. This author has had personal experience with several counselors who were unable to 'see' the abuse hidden behind a charming facade. They fell for his act, and the situation worsened.
"Children do not naturally lose interest in and become distant from their nonresidential parent simply by virtue of the absence of that parent. Also, healthy and established parental relationships do not erode naturally of their own accord. They must be attacked."
-- Michael Bone and Michael Walsh, Florida Bar Journal, March 1999
'Joint Custody with a Jerk'
Excellent book to support those who are stuck in the tragedy of PAS nightmares with an uncooperative spouse in child custody.
Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex, A Hands on, practical guide to coping with custody issues that arise with an uncooperative ex-spouse
Amazon Price: $10.64 (as of 06/03/2012)
An excellent book that reveals the horrors of parent alienation and offers specific suggestions regarding how to respond to this type of conflict.
"Split in Two" - PAS Support Organization
Click the pic below to go to Split in Two and learn more about support for parents who are targets for child custody nightmares from family courts..
Common Questions about PAS
Disbelief is a common reaction...how could this BE? Get educated and spread the word, because this disbelief reaction must be faced.
The basic questions most everyone ask about this controversial issue of PAS include:1. How can he/she [the parent] DO that to their OWN child ?
2. Doesn't he/she realize how badly that child is being hurt?
3. Why can't (fill in the blank -- your attorney, the judge, the psychologist, the police) do anything to help?
These are questions any affected parent will ask, desperately looking for an answer. But these are also key questions professionals should ask, and often do NOT.
These question should open up a new, very important perspective. From a mental health view point, consider that most often these questions relate to a parent who is often very highly educated, one that we'd expect to fully understand the dramatic, even life long consequences of destroying the relationship of the child with the other parent.
In such severe cases of parental alienation, the alienated parent will not develop any insight into what he or she is doing to the child, will not see that it is psychological abuse. Such a parent also will NOT see a mental health professional with a genuine desire of being helped, but will reject anyone who does not exactly support their own view. So conventional psychotherapy will not work. Therefore, the legal and mental health system fail to prevent child abuse by parental alienation with its serious long term consequences.
What Causes Parent Alienation?
Parent who alienate have serious unresolved personal issues.
* An alienating parent may have unresolved anger toward the other parent for perceived wrongs during the relationship and may be unable to separate those issues from parenting issues.
* An alienating parent may have unresolved issues from their childhood, particularly in how they related to their own parents, which he or she projects onto the other parent (whether or not it's factually accurate).
* An alienating parent may have a personality disorder, such as narcissism or paranoia, which makes him or her unable to empathize with the child's feelings or see the way their behavior is harming the child. Such personality disorders may also make the alienating parent more likely to be jealous of the other parent's adjustment to the breakup and cause the alienating parent to have extreme rage toward the other parent.
* An alienating parent may be so insecure as to his or her own parenting skills that he or she projects those concerns onto the other parent, regardless of reality.
* An alienating parent may be so wrapped up in their child's life that he or she has no separate identity and sees the child's relationship with the other parent as a threat.
* Sometimes new spouses or grandparents push the alienating parent into inappropriate behavior for their own inappropriate reasons, and the alienating parent isn't strong enough to resist them."
SOURCE: Lawyers.com
http://family-law.lawyers.com/visitation-rights/Parental-Alienation-Syndrome.html
The Child and PAS
What causes a child to buy into the alienating parent's brainwashing?
* Feel the need to protect a parent who's depressed, panicky or needy
* Want to avoid the anger or rejection of a dominant parent, who's also often the custodial parent
* Want to hold onto the parent the child is most afraid of losing, such as a parent who is self-absorbed or not very involved with the child."
SOURCE: Lawyers.com
http://family-law.lawyers.com/visitation-rights/Parental-Alienation-Syndrome.html
The child may also be manipulated by the alienating parent with money and privileges that the other parent would refuse to give (and rightfully so). This tactic works especially well with teenagers. If dad will buy him a car and let him hang with his friends for extended periods of time regardless of grades and personal responsibility, this leaves an easy choice for a teenager wanting to escape the entire mess in the first place.
Comment from an amputated mom: After helping this 17 year old kid buy a car with no communication with me whatsoever, a few months later my son was arrested for possession of drugs. Did he take the car away? Nope. Instead he hired a lawyer to delete the charge, and changed it to littering. No communication with me about THAT either, which it totally out of bounds in terms of the 'parenting agreement' - yet he still got away with it."
PAS Alerts to Psychologists
Training about PAS and Narcissism is Critical.
True story: A woman who insisted on counseling in a high conflict divorce involving PAS was finally able to get cooperation from her spouse. However the therapist was totally duped by the charms of her ex and supported his lies. The woman ended the counseling after only a few sessions and eventually lost her sons. The same woman was in marriage counseling prior to this with the same man and that therapist also was not able to see through the charming behavior until the same man actually attacked his wife in counseling. This was years prior to the divorce and sessions regarding custody, yet repeated trips to counselors offered no real understanding nor support about the reality of the situation.
Parent Alienation: Books on Amazon
Search amazon here for any book title about parent alienation.
HOPE for PAS Victims
PAS Support & Strategy: What Can I DO?
Get Support for Recovery from Abuse
Parents involved in custody battles and PAS cases are going through a horrible form of abuse, one not easily recognized. Get support.
Rising from Ashes
Amazon Price: (as of 06/03/2012)
"Rising from Ashes' supports abuse victims on the journey to recovery with supportive words that help to restore confidence and dignity.
How it Feels to be an Alienated Parent
Healing is a process that seems never-ending. PAS is a nightmare.
--amputated mom
Update March 2011: "Things are somewhat better, I've seen both of my sons in the past few months. They've attended a few events with my family and the older one seems to especially be coming around. He and I meet for lunch every now and then and we are planning a celebration for his upcoming high school graduation. Their 'dad' is still attempting manipulation games with his lawyer and the courts, but with little success. I feel more hopeful. He can't hurt me any more than he already has done. Still I have moments of rage at the mind games he continues to play with my sons. He'll always need some victim. I pray they'll eventually escape his hold on them. He has now married the girlfriend. My sons live with her, and yet we have never met. I know exactly why my ex doesn't want us to ever meet each other. Will it ever occur to her?"
--amputated mom
A Video Collection of Happy Memories
... words can't really describe the deep hurt of losing them.
PAS RESOURCES
- Myths about Parent Alienation
- Perspectives about parental alienation are often shrouded by myths.
About This Alienated Parent
... another amputated mom
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Shout OUT about Parent Alienation
PAS Comments Welcome and Appreciated
I'm always happy when readers leave comments...thanks!
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noveltwist
May 27, 2012 @ 10:33 am | delete
- PAS is an untested and unproven theory, the inventor of which committed suicide last year. It is often used by abusive parents in custody issues as an excuse for the accusation of children against the abusive parent. In the U.S.A. there are now lawsuits being brought against the state by the children, now adults, who suffered from state support for the Pass theory and were often forced to live with the abusive parent as the non-abusive parent was condemned for believing the children. It is a very dangerous theory and expert questioning of children regarding accusations of abuse of any form can reveal if they have been told to make such accusation by lack of detail etc. However, as the safety of children should always be paramount any accusation by a child should be considered very seriously. Tragically, the PAS theory and support for it has led to thousands of children suffering, what is essentially state-sanctioned abuse for many years beyond their disclosures when they are forced to have contact or live with their abusers. Treat the PAS theory with the utmost caution and bear in mind that abusive adults are very good at gaining sympathy with a good sob story.
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musicaplenty
May 24, 2012 @ 2:45 am | delete
- A Judge Judy has often stated:
"Parents should love their children more than they hate each other."
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musicaplenty
May 24, 2012 @ 2:45 am | delete
- A Judge Judy has often stated:
"Parents should love their children more than they hate each other."
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musicaplenty
May 24, 2012 @ 2:53 am | delete
- sorry 'bout the duplicate post!
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Millionairemomma
May 18, 2012 @ 2:01 pm | delete
- Thank you for the courage to share your story. You confirm the bond I feel for my child. Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up.
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geraldine
May 14, 2012 @ 11:40 pm | delete
- PAS is very real. I am witnessing this happen to my son by his ex wife, it is sad to see what is happening to formally loving grandchildren. these children used to hug me, call me, tell me they loved me, laugh with me want to visit me and now they say don"t touch me you are not my family my mother is my family
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Ruthi
May 10, 2012 @ 12:44 pm | delete
- Excellent albeit heartbraking information on PAS. I believe the term should be more child-focused; Child Alienation seems to me to be the ultimate abuse here. My spirit cries for the pain the children suffer, as well as for the parent who is subjected to undeserved alienation. Of course, my heart goes out to you, as I am touched by your pain too. Thank you for bringing PAS to the attention of others in the battle against all forms of abuse. You have my blessings and a bit o' sunshine.
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JJNW
Apr 16, 2012 @ 3:34 am | delete
- It seems to me that any parent who would act in such a cruel way has got to have other issues of control and manipulation. So sad. We do need to shed light all all types of family violence. It is way more widespread than many people think.
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attorneys001
Mar 30, 2012 @ 4:00 am | delete
- The major victim of a divorce case is none other than the child itself.The couple get into the scene of divorce without paying any heed to the child.If the mother wants money she can get from her spouse and love from her child,but what about the child.He doesn't want any money and cannot get all the love from one parent.Both the sides are equally important,.
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beaworkathomemom
Mar 22, 2012 @ 9:37 pm | delete
- I think that a divorce is already a very tough time for any child to go through. PAS will just make everything more difficult. Thanks for sharing this.
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daria369
Mar 17, 2012 @ 9:29 pm | delete
- Not an easy time for anyone involved...
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pinkrenegade
Mar 17, 2012 @ 6:18 am | delete
- Thank you for sharing this information. I think it's a very important topic that needs to be shared.
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Wedding_Mom
Mar 15, 2012 @ 9:15 pm | delete
- I liked what you've done here and your topic is very relevant. Thank you for sharing this information.
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sousababy
Mar 11, 2012 @ 11:40 am | delete
- Ohh, I just realized that this needs to be included in the section of my 'Living Articles on Squidoo' lens in the devoted section titled: Teen years, what every parent should know. Hope it helps!
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sousababy
Mar 11, 2012 @ 11:30 am | delete
- Deserves a google +1 and I shall be featuring you and your work on my Part IV of Squidoo people with a good heart (hope to be completed today or tomorrow). Take good care,
Rose
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sousababy
Mar 11, 2012 @ 11:24 am | delete
- This is just soooo important in our society. Whether divorced or not, this can occur in children. Sometimes witnessing spousal abuse has the same effect when parents also 'stay together' when really divorce would be healthier for all involved. Good to see a purple star and LotD on this one.
My sister is going through divorce and I have tried to tell her to love your child more than you hate your ex. Do NOT speak badly about your ex - for your son will internalize that - and fear he is also unlovable. Children derive half of their esteem from each parent, so do not poison them by speaking badly about your ex (even if it is well-deserved). For the child, they internalize that hate and blame themself . . I know that isn't fair, but this is what children 'feel inside.' Somehow kids feel responsible for their parents' actions, even though they are not.
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Terry
Mar 4, 2012 @ 1:14 pm | delete
- I believe the fear of a parent being alienated from their children happens prior to a separation/divorce. People don't just wake up one day and separate. There is always going to be one parent who views themselves as the better parent in these situations. Eventually the parent who would never even think to alienate their children from a parent has no choice but to concede so the children aren't hurt. When that occurs I guess you HAVE to mourn like their is a death. It's a death of a relationship between parent/child for a time being anyway. The bond will ALWAYS be there though, so don't ever give up.
Either way the children will be hurt because they no longer have both parents. There isn't a parent who can save their children from all heartache and pain in life.
You will always question whether you should have tried harder in the marriage, or stayed in it to avoid all of this. But trust me staying only hurts the children even more.
However you will risk alienation if you play the he/she said/or did game. Choose your battles wisely. Sometimes it's best not to defend against every allegation which really is only an opinion of the ex. Simply say "Your Honor, I disagree w/ ex, we are in a custody dispute, I can not defend myself when Mr./Mrs. has not provided evidence to the court for such an opinion. I am relying on this court to discern what is fact, what concerns Mr/Ms. may not be of concern to this court." Defending yourself against allegation which can not be proven shows the court you misplace your energy and become emotional. Which is exactly what the ex wants to show the court. Choose what you will defend wisely. If ex makes a claim that you are a bad housekeeper. That's an opinion. Ensure that the claims are labeled irrelevant to the court & irrelevant to the best interest of the kids. Don't come back waving arms saying "Well, maybe if he/she didn't....." That makes you look like you're actions are contingent upon what the ex does/doesn't do, this really is not in the kids best interest. If you just stick with the facts and one of those facts is your ex IS the mother/father to your children and you want what is in the kids best interest you have a better chance of the ex accomplishing alienating you. If the ex is out to destroy you it will be easier to prove this is what they are doing. Always welcome a loving relationship between your ex if you know they are a good parent!
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Namymartyn
Mar 2, 2012 @ 6:35 am | delete
- nice lens..........
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Wednesday_Elf
Feb 29, 2012 @ 4:08 pm | delete
- I'll bet this article will help many people who find themselves in this situation.
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perrybenard
Feb 29, 2012 @ 3:44 pm | delete
- what an informative lens this is my first time hearing about this issue it is very sad thank you for sharing
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SammySpam
Feb 28, 2012 @ 5:45 am | delete
- A very interesting read.
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kevingomes13
Feb 27, 2012 @ 2:26 am | delete
- teriffic lense
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TTMall
Feb 26, 2012 @ 7:47 am | delete
- Loved Your Lens! You really put a lot of good information in it.
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CarlittoDunaway
Feb 25, 2012 @ 11:58 am | delete
- Thank you for a great lens! Some food for thought isnt it?
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dannystaple Feb 23, 2012 @ 4:02 pm | delete
- Wow. This goes deep. I bought The Ties That Bind - however, I had to buy in the Uk (Amazon Kindle books can only be bought in the same country, come on Squidoo - Uk amazon bits too?)
In those 17 strategies mentioned by Dr Baker - does she include the "unfulfillable promise" - where a parent promises something on behalf or in the name of the other, which the doesn't know about and can not fulfil of course. This makes the child feel that the other parent keeps breaking promises to them.
The four words depressed, panicky, needy and paranoid resonate. This is a really important article - something people should be talking about.
Blessed, and featured on my blessed lenses 2012 page.
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- Load More
PAS Index
- POLL: Ever Heard of PAS?
- A Brief Introduction to PAS
- Dr. Amy J.L. Baker Speaks about PAS
- Dr. Baker's Book about PAS
- Adult Child Speaks about PAS
- Talk Show Reveals Alarming Facts About PAS
- Alienators, Dr. Phil and the Wizard of Oz
- Divorce Poison - Take ACTION about PAS
- The Politics of Parental Alienation Syndrome
- POLL: YOUR Take on the PAS Controversy?
- Parent Alienation Controversy
- "What Tigers Do" Film Based on Actual PAS Events
- Parent Alienation and Child Support
- Duel: What's YOUR take about PAS?
- Google Blog Posts about Parent Alienation
- Personal Stories from Parents about PAS
- A Family's Heartbreak
- A Family's Heartbreak: Blog
- Parentectomy - A Clever Book PAS Book Title
- FILM: "Jake's Closet" about Child Custody Nightmares
- "A Kidnapped Mind" True Story
- "Welcome Back Pluto" Film - Divorce Poisin
- HOW to HELP Fight Against PAS
- 'Joint Custody with a Jerk'
- "Split in Two" - PAS Support Organization
- Common Questions about PAS
- What Causes Parent Alienation?
- The Child and PAS
- PAS Alerts to Psychologists
- Parent Alienation: Books on Amazon
- HOPE for PAS Victims
- Get Support for Recovery from Abuse
- How it Feels to be an Alienated Parent
- A Video Collection of Happy Memories
- PAS RESOURCES
- About This Alienated Parent
- Squidoo members, like this lens?
- Online Support - PAS Guardians
- Shout OUT about Parent Alienation
- #paawareness
- #parentalienation on twitter
Latest on Twitter: PAS
Parent Alienation on Twitter: PAS News Feed
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- xxmizzdanishxx
- @monicatherese @joseluvsmonica it's called parent alienation, it's going to look very bad in court.
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- x93purple
- alienate (v.) 疎外する <from> ☆ It's important not to alienate young children from either parent. ○ 幼い子どもを両親から離さないことが大切だ。 ◇ alienation (n.) 疎外
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- igualdadeparent
- "EARLY IDENTIFICATION AND PREVENTION OF PARENT–CHILD ALIENATION: A FRAMEWORK FOR BALANCING RISKS AND BENEFITS OF... http://t.co/VZCQULcx
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- igualdadeparent
- "EARLY IDENTIFICATION AND PREVENTION OF PARENT–CHILD ALIENATION: A FRAMEWORK FOR BALANCING RISKS AND BENEFITS OF... http://t.co/UB4Qton3
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- AbbotsfordPA
- Make #Abbotsford Aware applauds Minister Abbott's anti-bully program, this will be an added weapon in the war against #parent #alienation.
#paawareness
Parental Alienation Newsfeed
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- envykarma
- A great organization to join in the best interest of the child! #parentalalienation #PAS http://t.co/8DwfztUf
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- digitalgirl12
- http://t.co/8ViG9fpJ everyone that is searching for the answer to why they are keeping their child from their mother,father or(step)
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- paawareness
- http://t.co/xWMfDlfz One in ten are faultly accused another tool for Parental Alientation #divorce
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- paawareness
- June is False Allegation Awareness month, this is very common in Parental Alienation as a weapon with children... http://t.co/m4oi4Fw4
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- paawareness
- Such a sad but common story. Parental Alienation is abuse and it hurts the children. Sharing helps people to... http://t.co/NfmWBm6R
#parentalienation on twitter
Parental Alienation News Feed
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- Mothers4Rights
- #ParentalAlienation To my children - A Thousand Years - Christina Perri Lyrics http://t.co/TAmCBrFb
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- LitMargaretNan
- RT @YouNork: Horrific example of INEPT judge who abused power n #FamilyCourt ParentalAlienation leads 2manipulation ~ MUST C http://t.co/brLaRY37 #RHOC
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- Retroloco
- PA-PAS, what is it? http://t.co/HyQ3MqVW #childabuse #paao #fb
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- StepfamilyTalk
- #ParentalAlienation is harmful2 #children & they should B freed from guilt & encouraged 2love & accept the love of both #parents. #family
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- Tightlettuce
- “@mensrightsblogs: SAVE: June is False Allegations Awareness Month http://t.co/7f7pSaVH” #parentalalienation
by crosscreations
Retired teacher, amputated mom & PAS advocate. more »
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Ever wonder what happens to these kids?
Victims of PAS Speak UP!
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
Amazon Price: $25.24 (as of 06/03/2012)
Read interviews of the KIDS (now adults) who were poisoned by parent alienation. Their words reveal the crux of the matter in a unique way.
Divorce Poison
If you only want ONE book about PAS...make it THIS one!
Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing
Amazon Price: $8.88 (as of 06/03/2012)
You'll find tons of book titles about parent alienation syndrome that define and describe the condition. This title stands above and beyond in that it gives concrete suggestions regarding WHAT to DO about it. The TAKE ACTION sections of this book are the real value.
Adolescence, Divorce & Fighting pARENTS...oh MY!
I don't want to choose: How middle school kids can avoid choosing one parent over the other
Amazon Price: $9.75 (as of 06/03/2012)
As if all the challenges of adjusting to middle school and adolescence weren't enough, now let's dump a divorce on top of it all. This book is very friendly to teens. It identifies and defines feelings, relating them directly to common scenarios faced by kids whose parents are divorcing. Divorcing parents, might consider giving this book to your kids. Read it with them and discuss how you can help them feel comfortable going between two homes.
