The Art of Building Solid Parent-Child Relationships

Parents must build a concrete foundation with their children before a genuine relationship can be established. Without a solid relationship, and sometimes even with one, parenting can become a nightmare and since you're the parent, it's your job to set the groundwork. The last time I saw a baby initiating relationship groundwork was...uhhh...never.

So what constitutes a solid foundation for creating a healthy parent-child relationship? Again, besides love, I find the most important things are trust, respect, time, security, honesty and chocolate. Okay, maybe not chocolate for the foundation, but it does come in handy down the road. I'm sure I've missed some other vital aspects, but these are the top qualities in my relationship with my son. If you have suggestions, please add them to the guestbook, just don't mock me for forgetting. My memory is bad and as I tell my son, I am old and have a lot to remember, so I miss things.

Yes, we're building a relationship, but I like metaphors. I'm a writer, it's just how I am ~ you'll get used to it. While the foundation establishes a long-lasting and reliable base, the framing shapes the structure of the relationship. Framing involves: affection, nurturing, building a healthy self-esteem, commitment, setting proper boundaries, discipline (when I use the word discipline I am referring to teaching, not to punishing), genuineness, responsibility, understanding, open communication and chocolate. Framing enforces parental expectations and enhances consistency, plus the chocolate comes in handy when you need an endorphin boost. Framing holds everything together, especially during the tough times (another perfect chocolate time). Each family will frame relationships with children differently, based upon their own experiences and values. Since the improbability of covering every scenario is 100%, it will be easier to share my own experiences and then you can draw similarities to yours.

Let me preface this by saying, I'm a single mom, and my ex-husband was out of the picture within a month of our son being born. I believe me and my son have a remarkably strong bond, in part, because it's always been just the two of us (which, by the way, is our song ~ the Will Smith version of it). I also value family above anything else. Tons of people will tell you their family is most important, yet they work twelve or more hours a day, leaving little time to spend with them. Yes, earning a living is important and helps put a real roof over your family's heads, but so often careers take precedence to families, even by those who rank careers as less important. I simply challenge you to honestly evaluate your priorities and then walk the walk that truly matches your values.

Since family is my top priority, I am mindful when making decorating choices. I am currently finishing a college degree that will place me in a new career after twenty years, yet I will not take summer classes to finish quicker because my son's out of school, and I prefer to spend the longer, more carefree days with him. Since my son ranks first, I do my best to ensure we have a good chunk of quality time together every day. Once in a while something prevents it (like being sick, in the hospital, etc.) but summers help make up for those times. Decorating time, for us, takes many forms: snuggling time before bed, playing games, reading, bunny walks, swimming, eating, going to the park, watching a bit of television, making dinner, listening to music and dancing, talking, playing with our dog, cookie Fridays, and so many other things that I couldn't list them all without boring you to tears.

What house, or relationship, would be complete without the roof? Personally, I'm a little leery of roofs. Yes, they keep the elements at bay and prevent furniture from getting wet (in a literal way) but we all must deal with life's elements (in a figurative way) and if a little wet furniture is the worst I get, well I don't know about you, but I'll be thanking my lucky stars. Roofs can also stifle so many things that are intended to flow freely into the world (we're talking figuratively again). Love, laughter, creativity, kindness, understanding, et cetera...should waft up from homes everywhere and fill the world with rainbows and glitter and baby animals and, OMG ~ did I get bit by the happy bug today or what? Okay, time's up! Go hunt down those kids and start having some fun!

On a serious note, many families, for a variety of reasons, aren't lucky enough to have a physical home, which I find incredibly sad. It's an issue with a complex solution that will not be solved overnight, but if you know someone in need, see what your family can do to help out. You never know when you might need a helping hand.

Squid graphic courtesy of Squidoo Squid Lens Graphics by GreekGeek.