Parenting Advice 101

Every parent wants to be a good parent, even though you may wonder about some parents. As I mentioned early there are 4 different parenting styles.

1. Authoritative


2. Authoritarian


3. Permissive


4. Neglectful

The Authoritative parenting style is characterized by high expectations of compliance to parental rules and directions, an open dialogue about those rules and behaviors, and a child-centered approach.

The Authoritative parent is firm, fair, and applies consistent discipline to shape the child's behavior according to parental standards. Authoritative parents provide verbal expression of the reasons for instructions, consequences, and punishment when it occurs.

Authoritative parents actively listen and consider the child's opinions and feelings about family decisions. Authoritative parents are not usually over controlling allowing the child to explore more freely. Authoritative parents set limits, demand maturity, but when punishing a child, the parent will always explain his or her motive for their punishment. Children need and want limits. They do not automatically know the limits, they learn the limits from others, hopefully most often from the parent.

Authoritative parents typically forgive and discuss instead of punishing if a child falls short. This is supposed to result in children having a higher self esteem, and being independent. Children who are subject to this kind of parenting may debate with their parents and may form their own opinions in order to justify their disobedience.

Authoritative parents raise children who are successful, articulate, happy with themselves, and generous with others. These children are usually liked by teachers and peers, especially in cultures where individual initiative is valued.

The Authoritarian parenting style is sometimes referred to as the military parenting style. The Authoritarian parenting style is characterized by emphasizing obedience, and usually has very strict family rules. An authoritarian parent is usually more concerned about the child doing what they say, and focuses less on the opinion or desires of the child. Authoritarian parents also see children as lesser people than adults. Therefore, they are treated as such. Authoritarian parents usually become overly angry and forceful when they don't get that obedience and respect.

Research has shown that Authoritarian parenting stifles intellectual growth and creativity. It also encourages children to either rebel against their parents, or to become submissive, which is often carried into adulthood.

The Permissive Parenting style is characterized as nurturing and accepting, but non-demanding. They may be warm and supportive, but they are not good disciplinarians - even in the privacy of their own home. They make only weak demands for good behavior and they tend to avoid or ignore obnoxious behavior. This type of parent simply wants the child to like him or her at the end of the day and will do anything the child requests to do. The resulting children are rarely, if ever punished and are generally immature. The children can not control their impulses and do not accept the responsibility for their own actions. When the child gets in trouble, the child will simply blame someone else even if it was his or her own fault.

Permissive parents believe that their kids should make their own choices, and that a parent should be there to support the choices that the child makes, basically regardless of what those choices may be. There are several different motivations for a parent to adopt the permissive style. One could be that the parent was brought up in an intensely strict and rigid home. If the parent did not thrive in an authoritarian environment, then that parent might in turn decide to approach parenting in the complete opposite fashion. It is also possible that the parent was raised in a very lax and permissive home him or herself, and if that situation worked very well, then that parent is likely to believe that permissive-style is the best way to raise children.

There are certainly many critics to the permissive parenting style. Many experts claim that this style creates an environment wherein the child is in control of the parent, instead of the parent being in charge of the child.

Research has shown that permissive parents tend to produce children who are more immature, demanding and dependent. These children are often rejected by their peers. Their self-esteem is often unrealistic and hard to interpret, for they often blame others for their problems and misfortunes.

Neglectful parenting, also known as nonconformist parenting, is similar to permissive parenting but the parent does not care much about the child. The parents are generally not involved in their child's life, but will only provide basic needs for the child. Neglectful parents do not monitor or supervise the behavior of their children.

Neglectful parents are emotionally absent, physically absent, and unavailable. They are indifferent, non-communicative, distant, self-absorbed, unengaged, unstructured, detached, and sometimes cruel.

Children of neglectful parents perform poorly in all aspects of life.