Help I woke up and I had kids!

When I became a Dad I was so excited and proud. Then the fear of being a parent set in and I wondered if my little babies would last a week with me. I knew I always wanted to be a daddy, but when the time finally arrived I didn't really know how. I was banking on my love of kids to take care of it all. Well, for all of the parents out there who feel like me, felt like me, or for all you soon to be parents. I decided to assemble some helpful information and tips on how to be a good parent, practical advice, what to expect, tricks and tips, and more. I can tell you from my short experience so far that being a parent has given me some of the greatest moments of joy in my life, but being a parent has also given me moments of stress, frustration, fear, and exhaustion. I can tell you every hard minute of being a parent is worth it a thousand times over for all that you receive in return with the love and the hugs and kisses you get back from your little ones. Some of you might be questioning me on this, but I can say this because I have not had to deal with teenagers yet! I hope you find some useful information here, or maybe just a good laugh or two. Happy Parenting!

Parenting really can be the greatest joy or seem like a nightmare you want to wake up from. I know as a parent I have felt both of those feelings.

First off, it is okay to get frustrated and to feel like you need a break. It is natural to feel like you are a terrible parent and horrible person for wanting time for yourself. For instance, it is 7 am and my boys decided to play with remote control cars that make laser shooting sounds that their grandpa bought for them. I can feel the headache mounting from these noisy toys right now. I am having one of those, "I wish I could escape to somewhere quiet" moments right now. So how do you make life more peaceful? I am not talking about no noise, but about making life easier with your kids by avoiding the constant battles with your kids. One key aspect is teaching your kids responsibility.

That is after all, the big question many parents have, "How do I raise my kids to be responsible adults?" There is a method called Love and Logic. Love and Logic is all about teaching kids responsibility through giving them choices. It is about building a relationship with your kids on love and trust. Love and Logic helps put the fun back in parenting. You can learn more by buying the book on it featured below, but I will tell you what I know.

Successful parents allow their kids to fail. When kids are younger most decisions they can or will make are not life threatening. The stakes for failing are lower when kids are younger. As they grow older the stakes get higher, sex, drugs, driving responsibly... Wouldn't it be better to let your kids fail and learn what it means to accept responsibility for their actions at a younger age so they gain the ability to think ahead about decisions they make and the impact their decisions might have on their life?

The key is allowing kids to fail through SLO's or Significant Learning Opportunities. Some people might also refer to this as natural consequences.

These are just a few of the tips in "Parenting with Love and Logic." The book outlines these tips in greater detail and I promise you won't be disappointed with all the great advice you will find.

THINK ABOUT THIS: If you say this to a child...

What did you do that for?
---> It has a hidden message that kids hear.

The child will hear, "you are not very smart, or competent." You might as well say to your child, "Hey Stupid." This was so convicting to me. I am so guilty of asking my kids this. I am working to change. It is so hard to always think about the impact of your words when you are running late, tired, or frustrated, but you can be sure that it is so important that you do.

TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY:
This is one area I excel in. Every chance I get I tell my kids that I will always love them no matter what. I was pretty proud when I heard my 3 year old twins telling each other that they didn't like something the other had done, but that they will still always love them.

TRY THIS: When speaking to your kids imagine you are speaking to your boss at work! Wow. Wouldn't that change how you try and correct or redirect your child when they are misbehaving! I'm not saying treat them like the boss or think of them as the boss. This is merely a tactic to help you tone down your anger and the way you speak to kids. You have to model or show your kids how you handle difficult situations and deal with people when you are frustrated. If you scream and yell then your actions are telling your kids that when you are angry you should scream and yell. This is what you want to avoid.

It's okay to show anger
Express your anger, but do it in a calm manner that is respectful to the individual who is making you angry. Model respect and consideration of others and your children will follow your lead. If you find your child constantly yelling and screaming then you might need to consider where they are learning it from. It may not always be you.

Kids are sponges that do not discriminate against people when absorbing information. Think about who they spend a lot of time with. My parents are the primary care givers for my kids when my wife and I are working. Not that I like to tell on my mom and dad, who are wonderful people, but my boys did pick up a few choice words from dear old grandpa and grandma. Unfortunately for my parents I knew their favorite words of choice so when my boys came home saying, "God Damn it" I knew where they got it from. The funny or not so funny thing was is the boys used it appropriately in times of frustration. Needless to say I had a discussion with my parents. Don't get me wrong. I am not perfect. I know my boys have picked up a few not so great words from dear old Dad too! Just be careful what you say and do around your kids. They are little sponges and they absorb everything!

Remember you are the adult. You have to model appropriate problem solving skills with your kids. Be gentle, be firm, try to end with a positive.

What kind of parent are you or what style is your parenting? Are you a HELICOPTER PARENT, a DRILL SERGEANT, or SOMETHING ELSE?

Helicopter parents are those that hover around their kids and try to protect them from everything in life that can do harm. The message Helicopter parents send to their kids is they are weak and fragile and can't do anything without help or protection.

Drill Sergeant parents are the ones who bark orders at their kids and expect nothing short of total obedience and following orders and rules. The message a Drill Sergeant parent sends to kids is that they can't think for themselves. They need to be told what to do.

I have to admit I have tendencies in both these categories, but I am working to change because everything I am learning as I go on this magical and terrifying journey of parenthood says neither work very well and often do more harm than good. You may get fast results or avoid some pain with these methods, but in the long run, is it worth it?