Parent-Teen Communication About Drug Use

Ideas and feelings from the past can hinder communication with your teen. This is a preliminary exercise that requires you to look inside yourself. Try to approach your self-assessment from a neutral, non-judgmental perspective, as you probably do when you are giving honest and thoughtful feedback to a friend.

Now, take a look at your ideas and feelings about people who have problems with alcohol or drug use. Notice the first few thoughts that enter your mind in response to any or all of the following terms: teen drug use, drug user, drug addict, junkie, problem drinker, alcoholic.

Exercise:
Quickly jot down the first thoughts you have about these terms.
Record your reactions as they register, without editing or censoring yourself.

Then, repeat this process using feelings in place of thoughts.

If you prefer, you can write down quick answers to any of the following questions:
• What does teen drug use look like?
• How do you feel about people who abuse drugs and alcohol?
• Have you ever been concerned about your own drinking or drug use?
  
  Reflect on what you've written. Make a special note of anything that comes as a surprise to you. Do you have a sense of where these thoughts and feelings came from? If their source is in your own past, they may not be relevant to your teen's experiences with drugs and alcohol in the present. Again, this is not about judging or being critical of yourself.

Photo: kr4gin

Believe me, your teen is interested in what you were like at his or her age. Even if you weren't exactly an angel, talking with your son or daughter about your own experimentation with drugs and alcohol can only help when it comes to building trust and respect between you. If you never took a drink or smoked a joint, not even once, think about why you didn't. What can you share with your son or daughter that helped you stay away from drugs when you were a teen?

Be real, and don't preach. The more honest you are with yourself about your own life history, the more powerful an impact this kind of sharing will have on your teen.

Jot down a quick summary of what you remember about yourself and your life as a teen. Include things like relationships, important people in your life, interests, skills, and significant events. Then, write down your answers to any or all of the following questions.

• When you were a teen, did you experiment with alcohol and/or drug use?
  


• Did your friends drink alcohol and/or use drugs?
  


• What do you remember learning as a teen from your own parents and other adults in your life about drugs and alcohol?
  


• If you remember talking with a parent or other adult about alcohol or drug use, how did that discussion impact you? What are your thoughts and feelings about it now?
  

Photo: bass_nroll

The things that drive you crazy might actually be positive factors in your teen's life when it comes to keeping him or her away from alcohol and drug use. Does your teen son neglect his homework to play basketball with his friends? He could be a skilled athlete, a natural community organizer, or someone who works well with others (a team player!). Is your teen daughter failing math because she'd rather sketch in her notebook than pay attention in class? Maybe she's an artist.

Make a list of things you know your teen is good at and enjoys doing.

Don't limit this to activities you happen to be familiar with, or talents you know your child has but no longer seems interested in. Look at the things your teen seems to do just to get on your nerves, and see if you can find a positive side to them.

• A teen girl with an active social life and an outgoing personality might enjoy acting or volunteer work in the social services. Her social skills might get her into trouble sometimes, but they could just as easily help her excel.
  


• Teens of both genders who are into body piercing, underground music and (ahem) "unique" styles of dress often have a refreshing admiration of people who are different. Ask a nonconformist teen about his or her views on political and social issues, and you might be surprised to discover a wise and compassionate spirit under all those facial piercings and odd clothing.

Photo: Mike Baird