I'm sitting here staring at the screen, wondering what I can tell you about sleep, or mainly the lack of it, that you either are or will be facing. I want to be honest but I don't want to scare anyone. But here goes..

I don't think there is anything I can do but be blunt. You will not be getting much sleep. Any parents of newborns don't get much sleep, but twins mean even less sleep than that. I think it saves a lot of frustration to realize that, a)you will not get much, if any sleep; and, b)this is not a permanent state, so hang in there.

Usually the advice new parents get is to "sleep when the baby sleeps." It is very good advice, but this is another piece of advice that works out differently for parents of twins. I always had trouble getting mine to sleep at the same time - they were always an hour or two off from each other, so sleeping while they slept didn't work for me.

Sleep deprivation is a very real thing. You will feel like you are going insane. You will be dragging, you'll go 1-2 weeks without a shower, your eyes will be bloodshot. This is why I would urge you to get help, accept help when it's offered (don't be afraid to tell people exactly what you need them to do), and if not offered, corral someone you trust to help you. Even if someone can just come over for a couple hours so you can get a nap, it will greatly help your mental state. I remember one time my sister came to visit and I got a 2 hour nap. It felt as refreshing as a 16 hour nap - I had been so deprived of good sleep!

We lived 250 miles away from close family, so we didn't have help at all after the first week or two. That's when it gets rough - when the excitement of friends and family of "OOOH THE TWINS!!!" wears off, then you are finding yourselves face to face with the chores and the lack of sleep.

My husband came up with a logical solution - he pointed out that was wearing us down so much was that neither of us was ever able to get to the deeper state of sleep that we really needed to be rejuvenated. He proposed that I watch the babies from 9 pm until 3 am while he slept, and he would watch them from 3 am until 9 am, while I slept. We didn't get to see each other very much, but it did help us stay sane.

But not all families are able to work their schedule around like we did, so if you need help, you could perhaps hire an overnight nanny to help you during the first weeks.

A lot of people assume that twins arrive early, and they do - often, but not always.

Our twins were a week overdue and I had my labor induced at 41 weeks.

When you added both baby weights together, I carried over 13 pounds of babies at once, and that's not counting the amniotic fluid! Trust in God and your body to do what it's meant to do.

I had to have labor induced in two later pregnancies also.

There's no need to worry or rush out and get preemie clothing. Babies don't need fancy clothing, they just need good health at birth and parents who love them.

So it's good to be ready in case they arrive early, but there's no need to panic. The longer you can carry them, the better off they will be, because lung development is one of the last things that happens.

If you had a single birth child and you are expecting or have twins, it's important to not feel like you are a bad parent of the twins.

It is impossible to give the same amount of time and attention to twins as you did to your single birth baby. Take heart - your twins never knew anything different...for example, you aren't hurting them by not giving them the long leisurely bathtime you may have given your singleton baby.

The "rules" are different this time around. You're doing well if they both get a bath on a regular basis!

As long as you do your very best, everything will work out fine.

Many people think that because they're having twins, they need to buy double of everything. It seems logical but it's not true. If you are a celebrity parent of twins and you have a fat wallet and a huge mansion, then I say go for it. But for most of us, if we can avoid the expense of buying two of each piece of baby equipment, we should!

Cribs for Twins: This really had me worried. We didn't have room or much space for two cribs. Most twins do fine in one crib, provided that they don't have any health concerns. Your pediatrician can advise you. But for healthy twins, it's not a problem. If you want to keep a little separation you can roll a towel to separate the two ends of the crib. Do not use pillows or anything else that could suffocate babies to separate the two sides of the crib. When in doubt about what you are using to separate them, don't use anything. After all, they shared close quarters in-utero...they are used to being close, and might prefer that.

Baby Swing: You really only need one most of the time. Two are nice if you have room, but you will probably find that you don't have both the babies in the swings at the same time.

I'm not going to go into the mechanics of "how-to breastfeed" here. That's what the LaLeche League is for...

But I'll just try to give you some advice based on what I experienced, and how I think I messed up and how I would do it now if I had the chance to do it all again!

You can breastfeed your twins separately or at the same time. Yes, really - at the same time! What you would do is have the babies criss-cross in your arms...one twins' legs will have to be over the other baby's. I read in some "expert's" book to breastfeed them together, because otherwise, I would turn into a 24/7 milking service and it would be exhausting.

Well, trying to juggle two babies in your arms and get them to latch on and breastfeed when they are just learning and you are just learning is nearly impossible.

Twin A seemed to catch on to breastfeeding very well, but Twin B had trouble maintaining the latch on, and she would squirm and become infuriated (we called this her "Little Red Hulk" mode.) As Twin B would thrash in anger, that would cause Twin A to get upset and lose her breastfeeding position. What a situation that was! I remember lots of crying, and it wasn't just the babies.

Even though Baby A was doing fine with breastfeeding, I thought it wouldn't be "fair" to Baby B to breastfeed her sister and not her as well. So they both were put on formula.

Now comes the "If I could do it all again" part...
If I could do it all again, I would breastfeed them individually for a few days or even a week or two, to make sure they were each comfortable with the process ...and I would know better how to make each of them happy. Then I would start breastfeeding them together.

If I could do it all again, I wouldn't worry one second about whether it was "fair" to one or the other to breastfeed only one of them. The babies, as individuals, and how they are doing with the breastfeeding should be the main concern. I never meant to treat them as a "unit," but in this case, I did.

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Bouncy seats are great for one parent to feed the babies at the same time by herself or himself.

I would sit on the floor with my back to the wall or the sofa's front. Put a bouncy seat with baby on each side, facing you.

You can look at the babies, they can look at you, and your can sort of rest your forearm along the inside edge of the bouncy seat to keep from getting tired. It works fantastically! Give it a try.

I think this is so much better than propping a bottle. I think propping up a bottle can be very unsafe. The bouncy seat method keeps the babies at a good body angle, and they enjoy looking at you. You can talk to the babies, sing to the babies.

I think that whenever possible you should hold and cuddle each baby, but this is a way to get them fed when they are both just howling with hunger! Getting their hunger satisfied is more important than cuddling at that moment. You can also cuddle them after you feed them.

The Baby Bjorn Soft Bib is ergonomically designed to fit a child's body. The neck is designed like a necklace with continuous fastening, so it can be adjusted to fit your child perfectly.

Features:

*Deep pocket to catch food spills
*Practical hole for hanging when not in use
*Soft beads around the neck make the bib extra comfy *Easy, adjustable opening for a growing baby
*Extra soft, PVC-free material
*Approved for food use *Dishwasher safe
*Easy to rinse clean

The Baby Bjorn bibs we had like this lasted for 4 years. Don't buy an imitation. Buy the Bjorn bib...you'll be happy you did. I think the best feature is being able to just rinse it clean - very handy for the time-pressured parents of twins! You would think that cloth bibs that can go into the washing machine would be the most convenient, but they're not...the laundry starts piling up and and ordinary bibs will start molding and stinking (trust me on this!)

Really think about it if you are considering dressing your twins alike. One reason not to do it is simply financial. If you start dressing them alike, then you will not be able to take hand-me-down kids clothing.

Kids are especially prone to expecting things to be the way they are used to them. If you get your kids used to dressing alike all the time, there isn't much wiggle room for negotiation if you can't find exactly the same shirt or shoes to match...you are stuck with toddler tantrums. Some kids get so used to being dressed alike that they simply don't feel 'right' unless they are.

That seems a little co-dependent to me, and not something that I would want to instill in my kids. Sure it's so doggone cute when they are babies, so dress them alike here and there, but I would advise you not to make a habit of it.

Another idea that still keeps the cute factor is to buy identical outfits but get them in different colors. I did this, but still decided it wouldn't be wise to do this for every outfit. If one gets messy, then you are forced to change both of them, if you dress them in any way alike.

No, I'm sorry, you are not allowed to start drinking.

What worked best for me was to separate them. Pick a technique and stick with it, so they will know what to expect. Even if you are in a grocery store, you can make them each sit on one side of the aisle. They must not look at each other. You cannot allow there to be different rules at home and a different rule at the store.

Be consistent and ignore the people who are staring at you like you are nuts or a mean mother. They are your kids and you must teach them how to behave.

Sometimes, you may have to leave the grocery store with just a loaf of bread and a package of lightbulbs, when you went in there to get the week's groceries. Forget it. It's not going to happen today. Try not to get too frustrated. Remember that it won't always be so hard.

See "Divide and Conquer."

It seems like some parents with twins think that their twins should never, ever be apart. I think that they need to be apart. Imagine never being apart from your spouse. I love him, I married him, and it was my choice, but I have to say I would go nuts and I'm sure he would too - if we had to be together 24/7. So of course our kids would like a break from each other, too.

So if you read the section above about twin temper tantrums, then you remember I talked about separating them from one another, and the horrible events at the grocery store, etc.

If you have a spouse or significant other, or even a friend you trust, then just take one of the kids with you to the grocery store. One child gets the one on one time with you, while the other gets the individualized time with the other parent. It makes for a more pleasant shopping trip (notice I said more pleasant, not perfect)...it's not going to be totally peaceful, but I think you will enjoy having "just one" child, if even for an hour or so.

Your child will also really love that time you have together, and you can take the time to show him/her fruits and vegetables, talk about what they are, what color they are, and so on. The grocery trip can be a real educational experience that you cannot have when you are trying to wrangle two of them at once at the store.

Also, I found that when I wasn't so distracted by having both of them at once, I could really enjoy and interact in conversation with each child and get to know each of them better.

Feeling guilty about the one you left home?!? Get over it! You'll take him or her next time.

Breathe a sigh of relief. You don't have to bake two cakes - unless you want to. If you are going to have a lot of people over, then plan accordingly, but if you really don't need two 2-layer cakes, then you might want to try what I have done most years:

I bake a two layer cake, then treat each layer as an individual cake. Each of my girls would get their "own" cake this way. It has worked great most years, but when your twins get to about maybe 8 years old, they may have other wishes.

Don't let people call them "The Twins"
The Twins is a unit name. Do we call people from a single gestation "The Singleton?!?" Of course we don't, and it doesn't make much more sense to call kids "The Twins" either. I would gently ask people to call my girls by their first names and not call them by "The Twins." As long as people continue to call them "The Twins," people have a harder time remembering they are individuals, with individual names. Might as well get people to remember what their names are right away.

Forget about having two of everything. It's just not practical, and even if you have two of a toy, they are still going to fight over just one of those 2 identical toys, because what makes that toy so attractive is that his/her twin has it!

When giving a directive or a correction, use the child's individual name, instead of giving the command to both of them. Use one name, get attention, give command. Use second child's name, get attention, give command. If you do not use the child's name, each will 'conveniently' think you are speaking to their co-twin.

Be careful about complimenting one child in the co-twin's presence. What has happened a lot is that if I say to Twin A, "Wow! You did a great job that math test!"....Twin B, overhearing this, internalizes "if my twin is good at math, then I must NOT be...I'm good at something else"... and then she would not work at math so much, but would drop it to pursue other interests. This is why statistically, identical twins raised separately are more alike than twins raised in the same household!

Nothing is permanent, go with the flow, try to keep a sense of humor about it all.

Twins are a blessing, but they are definitely also a strain. They're a strain on your health, your sleep patterns, your finances, and your relationship.

Parents of twins have a higher divorce rate than parents of single birth children, probably because of these strains. Make having a "date night" an important part of your busy schedule.

It really helps to realize that everything you are going through is just a stage. The early weeks of sleep deprivation with twin babies is just a stage.

When the twins are toddlers, that stage will be very rough physically. You'll get really exhausted and your house will always be a wreck. Yeah, that's right. Get used to it. Everything you own will either be broken or sticky with jelly. This is also a stage.

Work to enjoy each stage instead of wishing it would pass. Each stage feels like 400 years while it's happening, but in reality it all passes very quickly.

You'll be looking at your twins like I am now, wondering how they could possibly be old enough to go to high school next year.

Love every stage, and keep a journal about everything that happens. A blog is great for this, but you could also use basic blank books. Keep a scrapbook if you have time and if you don't have time for that, keep separate boxes for each of the kids for their mementos. From time to time, write a letter to each child or a page telling about his exploits and interests, put his age on it, put the date on it, and throw that into the box. Eventually you will have time to scrapbook or do something special with those notes.