Past Lives, Present Challenges

1.6 Karmic Cleanouts and BodyMind Connections
1.7 We are One... and Guardian Angels
1.8 Overload & the Illusion of Me...

I started the most amazing journey of spiritual self-discovery about 14 years ago when I discovered a martial art that was not just sport oriented, but actually incorporated spiritual growth and health - as the ancients intended originally...and I chucked up my job in the computer industry and went and did martial arts full-time - at age 32!

So this is a journal of my discovery of myself, my life task, and my linking to the most amazing people on the planet. By the telling of my story, I will hopefully link to more people who have had similar experiences and hopefully will be able to share, help and assist myself and others on their journey to enlightenment... and beyond!

So this is what this journal is about - ME discovering ME - WHY I am what I am - WHY I remember what I've been (yes, previous lifetimes in all its amazing details!) and HOW I am to handle and apply all of this...It is also my private memoirs - got to put it down somewhere!

I promise to only tell what I have personally experienced and felt - this is not made up (fiction in other words!) but my own personal truth, strange as it may seem. I was given a very urgent message from my Guardian Angel (Aug 2006) that I must tell MY STORY, not write fiction stories as I've always wanted to do (seeing as I had all these characters floating around in my head and needed to tell their stories!).

I needed to find a platform for doing this, and when I discovered blogs in 2007 I thought that this will be the ideal medium. But where to go? And how to link to like-minded souls?! Well, when you ask - you will receive, so when I heard of Zaadz in 2008 from one of our practitioners, I could finally look into it when I got broadband internet. I discovered it had changed names to Gaia and I joined the most amazing community of people. WOW!!!

I married my best friend when I was 25. Nice guy. But not husband material...For starters, he was 17 years older than me, but I said I'll give it a go and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, so off we went! If I knew what I was in for, I probably would've left the country!

We worked together, he was a surveyor, so I changed jobs after the wedding, knowing instinctively that we needed space at the workplace. I went and worked in a different town and everything was hunky dory. We had lots of fun together, even went overseas for six weeks and traveled around.

Now, I must tell you that he collects old tractors, engines and other old metal stuff! Lots of it! The big love in his life is (still) a 10 ton steam traction engine, named Lady Diana, that he fixed up himself, boiler as well (the guy is very resourceful!), that he likes to steam up and show off. Of course I helped! We travelled all over the country hunting for various parts, wheels, and chasing legends and stories. I found out a LOT about mechanical stuff!

In the meantime, the engineering firm I worked for had merged with another firm, and there was talk of them moving offices to the city. I had always maintained that I will never go and work in a city and I certainly wasn't going to start now, so I quit my job and expanded into keeping myself busy on our small holding.

I ran a tea garden on weekends. He taught me to bake scones, as my mother did everything herself and I never learnt to do anything in the house from her! She reckoned I was too slow and always took things out of my hands to do it herself! This obviously caused several hardships in my life later on as far as housekeeping is concerned...I hate doing the dishes - the pots especially!! (I'm working on it...!)

We also kept our own vegetable garden and a milk cow on the small holding, but he also had another farm that he inherited from his uncle and he had a couple of hectares of almond orchards there and lots of decrepit cows, as well as baboons and wild boar that terrorised the orchards!

I found out first hand why Asterix and Obelix loved wild boar - they taste absolutely fantastic! And the hunting stories! (South African Bush Hunting...) You can't hunt these things with dogs, their skin is too thick, and I mean THICK! Plus they have mean, very mean, tusks. So, up a tree on platforms, with food on the ground to attract them, and a rifle, at night...was the solution.

I'm telling you all of this to give you an idea what a vast range of skills I built up with this guy, because you guessed it, I had to cut up these boars and fill the freezer! Not to mention the drowned milk cow (because of the incompetence of our farm help) and about 28 chickens (because my dog got into the chicken run) that also ended up in the freezer! All in all I did a lot of slaughtering... and learnt how to make sausage and dry meat. When the freezer was full one time, I even managed to sell a young wild boar to a local five star hotel!

I also learnt to make jam, because there was a lot of fruit trees around, and we also grew Cape Gooseberries. They made the most wonderful jam, very sought after everywhere, so I sold quite a lot of them in the city as well. We also made several trips in to the market at night with lots of veges and fruit on a small dilapidated old truck. Although he had lots of money, my ex insisted on keeping all his old cars, trucks and things going, in various states of disrepair. They constantly called on his McGyver skills and we even had to substitute a foil gum wrapper one night for a fuse to have lights to return home!

Having been a bachelor, my ex knew next to nothing about women and sex, so regardless to say, we did not have a very active sex life, I was tight and sensitive and he didn't know how to handle it, so he didn't!

So... here I am, working my butt off for a man who then decided he didn't want to work anymore either and came to be at home as well (to work on my nerves); didn't want to pay me housekeeping money (I had to use the money from the tea garden); couldn't communicate very well either...and no sex.

I didn't have much of a self image by then (not that I was ever strong in this area anyway, but this put me way back!) And then there was my mom, always doing things for me because I couldn't do them properly or fast enough ...

So... enter my imaginative life - the one in my head - and wow, was this an exciting world! My escape, the place I lived most of the day (and night)! Some people have TV, others have books,

me,
I had STORIES IN MY HEAD,
and I LIVED them...

I've always loved stories and have always loved reading and movies. My love of stories started with comics at age 6,7 and expanded from there. I used to be somewhat of a loner at school and didn't make friends easily, being very introverted and shy. But when I did make friends, we always acted out stories I scripted. And of course dear Enid Blyton's Famous Five and Secret Seven rubbed off and we made up our own gangs with secret languages and ciphers, and of course the inevitable hideouts and clubhouses.

But the best part of the day for me, was when it was bedtime and lights out...then, when everyone else was sleeping, I got up and ... lived! Other people, other places. Adventure, action and escape!

I had all these people alive in my head and I acted out their lives, night after night, sometimes sticking with a character, sometimes skipping between them, but always not being me, that was totally not on! I hated being a girl, never wore dresses, and to my mother's disgust, hated going shopping for clothes!

It was as if I stood on the sidelines, looking in.

My dad died when I was 10 and life after that moved even more into my head.
We moved far away from the countryside I was familiar with, to the sea...and then - we got television!

Suddenly some things got more visual and my imagination took on a new dimension.

I started growing up and when I went to high school, it was all too much for me. Too many people around, it was a huge school! Lots of kids in one class - I felt crowded. So a friend and I ran away from home. Backpacks packed, we walked over the mountains to the town on the other side of the pass. It took us the whole day! I knew that hitchhiking was out, we were two girls and getting picked up by just anyone wouldn't be a good idea, so I insisted we walk. The evening we paid to get a bath in the local hotel (!) and I was all set to go and get a place to sleep outside the town in the forest, but my friend got cold feet after we noticed a guy in a car cruising by a couple of times. She called friends, they came to pick us up and I went back home, got the hiding of my life and persuaded my mom I needed to go to a smaller school, preferably a boarding school.

We never quite got on and she never understood me, but she got offered a job in another town, put me in the boarding school there and then moved there as well a couple of months later when she took the job.

I didn't know that the school was a girl's school, shocker, but I adjusted and finally had my own space to grow. Even so I remained very naive. I again only had one friend and didn't like girls' stuff. I built aeroplane models, collected stamps, read a lot and played piano. I didn't have any boyfriends and had a blind date for my farewell dance at school! I didn't need to work hard at school because I was bright and got good marks, but this all changed when I went to university and discovered that all was not moonshine and roses.

In my second year of university I joined a karate class and started fencing. Well, seeing as most of my characters were excellent at martial arts and could kick butt pretty well, I was looking to do the same! It turned out that the guys in the fencing club were interested in the same stuff I was and for the first time I made a whole bunch of friends and discovered social life!

My roommate's parents had a record shop (no, not tapes and not CD's!! The black round things with grooves! - kinda dates me, hey?) and she introduced me to popular music. Up until this point in my life, my music consisted of classical music and my mom's favourites on radio (40's and 50's stuff - ugh!), so she learnt the classics and I learnt to rock! Needless to say, this impacted on my studies and I had to repeat some subjects!

But at last I had friends I could talk to and my life education took off with a bang.
I read Frank Herbert's Dune books and couldn't quite get a grip on it then...(I wasn't too into politics, history and stuff yet) but it opened up whole new vistas and my inner life took on a broadness unparalleled. Soldiers and assassins, martial arts, dancing and the circus were the main themes. I absolutely loved the circus!

Another friend introduced me to Anne McCaffrey's Dragons of Pern books and that was it, I was hooked on fantasy! Here was stuff I could relate to! Telepaths, magic, dragons, unicorns, sorcerers, healers with amazing powers - stuff I KNEW existed, I just did! Never mind how and where, it felt familiar and ... known.

It took me five years to finish a three year Bachelor of Science Degree in Applied Mathematics and Computer Science, but I think I walked out knowing more about life and philosophy than most of my friends... or maybe I just caught up!

My inner world expanded, but didn't quite sparkle...
until I started working...
and was staying with my mother!!!
Hee-e-e-e-LP!!!