Playing Poor Golf

Keys to never improving you golf game:
1. Own a house with a big yard. The work that accompanies owning property is very deceiving, especially if you have lots of trees and a garden. Don't buy a riding mower either. Get the push mower that will take twice the amount of time. This will eliminate any time for the driving range, putting, chipping, etc.
2. Get married. This will guarantee your game gets less play. Why would anyone want to spend time to improve their game when they can be spending the day shopping with their "honey dew"?
3. Procreate. Have a child or two. (It just takes one). Family commitments will ensure to keep you off the course and lower your handicap. Though when children get a little older it is essential that you teach them the proper way to throw the club as well as reciting the appropriate excuses for poor play.
4. Work overtime on the weekdays and on Saturdays. Not only will this keep you from practicing that favorite game, it will be a great way to suck up to your boss and show him or her that you're company material.
5. Get involved with a health club. This will enable you to have an excuse for not having any time to play 18. You have to exercise to transform the "keg" into a "six pack". Who has time to play when training for the neighborhood 5K run...er walk?
6. Play nine holes instead of eighteen (due to #1 through #5 above). Your golf clan will quickly scoff at your 50% committment and soon you will be banished from the group.
7. Patronize the beverage cart more frequently during play. Alcohol will give you that false sense of pride that you are indeed..Tiger Woods. Pars will quickly tranform into 8's and 9's.
8. Working with the "slice". To correct your banana tee shot, stand and face the opposite direction to correct your slice. This is priceless. I know some of you are out there!
9. Purchase an extension ball retriever for fishing out that one of kind ball that you just can't lose! God forbid if that top flite gets stuck in the muck. There is a spot in the Senior League for you.
10. Play golf with people that suck worse than you. They will be amazed at your trick slice shots and your stunning three putts. You will even bedazzle them with your punch shots out of the woods.

I hope you find my poor golf tips and redundant sarcasm humorous if not light-hearted. I created this lens as a way to vent for my lack of playing time and ability to lower my handicap. Still I love this game..see you on the links!

Learn to finally break lower than the 80's with easy to follow guide.