Funny Fart Stories

When I was younger, nothing could make me laugh harder than farts. I remember watching Buddy Hackett on an HBO stand-up special cleverly recreate fart noises in vivid realism. I laughed uncontrollably. My friend laughed so hard he actually got sick. There is just something about the way the air sliding between your butt checks, and the noise it makes, that makes people laugh. Not to mention the way they smell. Everything about a fart is funny!

When I was younger my dad would give names to farts. "Poogastination" was his first attempt at renaming the fart. No origin for the word, the word was just fun to say. I guess he mixed "poot" and "gas" together and added "tination" to make it sound like a word. Either way I used the word from the time I was about 10 years old until this day.

Then there is the "coughp". A coughp is where you accidentally fart while coughing. True story...One day while in church our music leader was on stage talking to the congregation. He suddenly got choked up, you know, how you choke on your own saliva. He coughed around awhile and turned red trying to hold back the embarrassing cough. Little did he realize, a huge coughp was forming down below. After several apologetic words, a tears welling up in his eyes he managed to stop the cough temporarily, then the outbreak ensued again. This time he managed to summon all of his power to stop the cough, but without warning a huge fart blasted across the stage. He turned around embarrassed and red, wondering if anyone noticed. They did!! The whole church noticed. I looked over at my friend, he was laying sideways in the pew - rolling! Then I looked up at my dad, he grinned at first, then pointed to the restroom sign. I got up and snickered all the way out the door. Several people were in the restroom area with tears in their eyes.

Another name my dad introduced to the fart world is "kerchoopoo". A kerchoopoo is where you sneeze and fart at the same time. No funny story associated with this but the name alone is worth sharing!

Then there is the "Sissy Fart". This fart is often characterized by a high whining noise, similar to the air being let out of a balloon real slow, with the rubber mouthpiece stretched real tight. The kind of fart a princess would do. I guess the sissy aspect of the fart is that men should have loud, earthmoving low-keyed farts. For all you musicians somewhere is the key of "F"! At least a baritone, but a bass is preferred. Real men just don't do sissy farts!

Just as an added bonus, this one was not made up by my dad, nor did he ever use it ... the word "hangtime". Hangtime is the time a fart lingers in a general area. A fart is said to have good hangtime if you can leave the room, like to go the the restroom, come back and be hit by the same fart again. Another term for the same thing is "timebomb". The way a timebomb is used is after you fart, you stand still just long enough to let all of the air escape your pants. Then walk off! Timebombs are especially good to use when in the grocery store or for guys while looking at clothes with your significant other.

One more story for the road! When I was younger, I used to get diarrhea all the time. I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which basically meant that if I got nervous I would get diarrhea. Diarrhea would come on without warning! One morning I felt a huge bubble in my gut, where you just know your going to rip off a fart that makes you feel ten pounds lighter. It was going to be wonderful! But why not share it with my older sister. I ran to her room, hiked up my leg and let it fly! You guessed it, it was not a fart at all. Within a matter of seconds I had diarrhea with the consistency of coffee running down my leg. I begged my sister to keep quiet! There was never any mercy in my house. She yelled to the top of her lungs, "Mama! Brother just crapped all over the place!" She was laughing and running through the house telling everybody. So the moral to the story is this: make sure to push a small test fart before you try to blast your sister away! The laugh may be on you in the end!

I hope you have enjoyed this fart humor. I have more where this came from. Just keep your eyes open for my next lens!

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