Popular Marriage Jokes

A wife was cleaning around the house in one morning when her husband rushed into the house and screamed, "Hurry, pack up your things. I just won the lottery!"

The wife replied ecstatically, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The husband responded, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV.

As she had become arouse by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

He said, "I found the remote".

A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"Mom, it's my LOVE dress! Don't you like it?"

"I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked.

"Now what are you doing?"

"Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction.

"Honey, what are you doing?"

She gives him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?"

Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"

A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available.

The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't come to the game?"

The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so I came alone."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a family member or friend?"

"Oh, they're all at the funeral."

An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.

He replied, "Wife Name - Three Horse."

"That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?"

"It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag."