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Porlock the Warlock

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Porlock the Warlock

Porlock the Warlock and the Indigo Swan is a historical/sci fi/fantasy adventure for all ages from 9 and over. Ranging from a bizarre encounter at the edge of the Solar System to a magical scientist's duel with an ancient Babylonian priest to a deadly confrontation with Vikings near C11th Yorvik, it charts the journey of Porlock, a scientist thought to be a warlock, and his twin wards The Mitsize (pronounced Mitsies) Vag and Rag.

It is a full length story at 82,600 words long.

To read a sample, check out the website

Porlock page from the Website
This is link to Website this long piece of Porlock is on. or even more excitingly it is where you can buy the first book (which does not have us in it!)

Important! Important! Important

Porlock Show

We just heard about storytelling show based around the actual stories Porlock and the Mitizies were in or part of or breaking or something.
We will be there (if Porlock lets us out in time) - will you?
Porlock Show
The stories that inspired Porlock, and Porlock himself (perhaps- in said he was going but we doubt the weather will allow him- that was the nopmops we are afraid, we said sugar created rain)

Brief Description for Porlock

Porlock lives in the Beacon when his quiet life is invaded by the return of his two wards 'The Mitsize' (pronounced Mitsies) Vag and Rag. They visit an old friend, who sends them on a quest to find a feather of the mythical Indigo Swan. - A journey which takes them on a search through the Solar System to Pluto's moon Charon, where they meet the fifth dimensional Indigo Swan - who strikes a hard bargain with them - they can have a feather, but only if they destroy a tablet from the Epic of Daimanos (Gilgamesh) and hence wipe out the only record of the Swan in written human history!

So the Swan sends them off back in time to 2nd Millennium BC Mesopotamia (latterday Iraq) where Vag gets thrown to the lions, and Porlock has to fight a magical duel of science with an ancient Babylonian priest. Then on to pre-Conquest Anglo-Saxon England, in order to look for the feather, now used as a quill. On the way, they have to hunt for the stolen Miscellany (C10th Exeter Book), and Rag is forced to join the robbers as a thief in their hideout - a Roman ruin, where a deadly confrontation with Vikings ensues.

Will they manage to destroy the tablet? Find the Miscellany? And escape with the feather back to their own time? Read on...

For a 19 page scroll down sample of the book, go to
http://www.cartwheels-collective.co.uk/Porlock_section.html

us again

Rag and Vag's wards

That was Porlock stuff - is worth reading tho, for the bits with our friends or Wards the Mitzi's , Rag and Vag (whose real names we keep a little secret, but A does not stand for Adam).
They have quite a tough time in this book (but not as tough as we have in the next one), getting themselves kidnapped, and thrown to the lions, and mucking about with a big book and everything (or was the book about everything- anyway we know they ruined it, we think...)!
Typical really that they had this fun before we were `round. oh well, we would have had much more fun if we were there.
Better shut up now, we hear footsteps!

p.s.We do not think the picture is Porlock (when younger). He looks far too merry, but we did find it in one of Porlock's (private) draws!

The Mitzi's want you to know about

But we had other plans

The First stuff is what the Mitiz's say they think it would be nice for you all to know as you read Porlock the Warlock (which we think means grumpy) and the Indigo Swan.
They will just tell you how real it is!
The real Epic!
This is the real epic the Mitizi's smashed a bit off. A pity really it looks good fun. We like stories about quests, forests and monsters. And as for floods, why we see ourselves the masters of the flood. Only yesterday we borrowed some of Porlock's stuff and had fun with it on the moor.
Actually that probably needs to be another story (and yes we are still avoiding Porlock, and hoping he did not know, although we worry about the mud on the gear. Oh well it probably did not work before we stated to play with it! The Thunder, snow rain rainbow, hail, and tropic heat was so nice though, and we are sure everyone liked the change -although Porlock never really understands that, he can be daffy you see)
Real book
This is the book the Mizti's mangled so badly. As you will notice their stains and holes still remain in it.
It is a wonderful book tho'. it is not quite the oldest book in the world (that is a bit earlier) but is is the oldest with 'different' writing in it. Rag read us once his favourite poem, which was full of storms and thunder (like earlier on). It was brilliant - but not as good as the weather we created earlier.
Jovik
this was the ponky city that they went too. sounds very smelly to us. but we like mud, so maybe that would have been okay in the end.
Poem
We do not really like long poems. No one sensible does. However we thought the one rather fine when Rag read it to us. He said it was just like the ruin he got lost in! So Maybe there Is some hope poetry will improve (although it has taken rather a long time about it!)
Boniface link
This is the story of the Saint and the book.Rag was sad about that, but we told him book were a waist is just read. We mean some books do make good chopping board (particuliarily big hard back ones), and some good surfaces to do glue-ing on. Just make sure you do not get the book stuck to your hands. we did and so were caught (other wise we are sure we would have got away with it- anyway we would have blamed the De Pomspoms!)
What we cannot recommend however is using a book for a game of catch. we did that with quite a little book once. we thought it was not liked, as all its pages were loose, and we saw that Porlock had been keeping extra bit of paper in it, which means he did not think it was very good (after all he was changing what was in the book!).
Or at least that was what anyone sensible would have thought. We did.
But when we threw the book around, all its pages fell out (and so you could not play catch with it, which was a pity) - Also some of the pages got lost, and some fell in the river over which we were playing the game.
And then Porlock came along...
That bit was not fun, and so we decided Never play catch with old books, it makes people grumpy, and you do not get a good game out of it!

We think is enough links (although the Mitzi's gave us far more to give you). We are sure you are not interested.
We know we would not be!
If you are, you had better leave a note in that guest book above, and we will get the Mitzi's to write out another list, as the one we have here is about to be burnt (we like watching burning paper - but are not often allowed to burn it, and never in doors: oh well, no one will find out this time we are sure!)

Us

Our Book

In the next book, which is the one we are in, and so it is more exciting, we get miracled out of a machine the lovely Mitizi create.
we then create wards of our own, who then muck about creating their own wards. Typically enough our wards (who call themselves the nop-mops!) cannot control their wards), who then run riot.
But we get to bring people from the past back into now. Which is fine and we all have a fun until Porlock, whose seemed rather grumpy throughout the book (well save at the end) stops it.
To know more you will have to buy this one first though!.
P.s. the Picky is one of the people we invited to our birthday party (we were 0) . He was alot more fun in real life, but did not like having his photo taken, particularly when chuckling!

The Weather

We feel rather strongly that Porlock has messed up the weather again. At least it is probably his fault, as the black powder he said might make it dry and warm, when shot the atmosphere via one of his contraption, did when mixed with water make good face paint. And he could always have made some more. (we like paining ourselves luminous or black and hiding in the dark).
Anyway if he can minded he wold have notices the tea we put it the place of the black powder (you cannot use even Porlock's black and smoky tea for dressing up with- it smells far too odd!).
But now he is saying that teas makes rain - which is why the weather is so awful this bank holiday! Sorry about that everyone.
We wanted to go swimming with some sharks we know, but now Porlock is making stay at home and clear up. He is even watching us to it, and we guess we will have to (he can be very stern). But We suppose given the way the tea has made the weather we have not really missed that much (although you can have fun with puddles).
And although Porlock had been naughty about the weather, we had been bad about the tea.
Actually tidying up can be fun. We once discovered where Porlock kept his very special cheese, which was yummy. we even a managed to leave Porlock a large slice, which was very good don't you think?
Porlock clearly does not like that cheese much as he has not found out yet - and it was ages ago (well three weeks or more).
The other thing we do when it is rainy is sing, and it cheers us up, although no one else around us cares for music much. We make up lots of songs, and sing them loudly, while playing of loud buzz-buzz games. Porlock says it is enough to make him wish for sunlight. But then he should have made the weather better.
ps. we would tell you what the Mizti are doing, but they appear to have gone off on one of their long trips away. We offered to go with them, Or go by ourselves. But Porlock said the world was not big enough for both the Mitzsi and s to wander around at the same time -perhaps we wold be scared we old meet up?
Oh well -at least we get to play buzz-buzz-bang games!
Your friends, who are trying not to be wet (roof still leaks, and that was not really our fault that one).
US

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Porlock-minion

Hello we are the Pomspons, the wards of the Mitizi's and the other helpers of Porlock the grouchy Warlock.
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