1. Tell children what you want, rather than what you don't want. Instead of "stop hitting," try, "touch gently."

2. Always connect. Before you intervene, check in with yourself to see if you are about to increase your connection, or build a barrier.

3. Know what is developmentally appropriate. For example, younger children are impulsive- it's normal for them to be unable to stop themselves.

4. Be silly. Silliness can dispel crankiness. Sharing a good laugh increases your bond and releases tension.

5. Play. Get down on the floor with your child and let him/her lead you through imaginative play. Floor time can drastically reduce your daily conflict.

6. Know your child-- if he/she is going to need extra transition time, allow for that. If 6:00 is generally a cranky time, stay home during that hour.

7. Reflect. When your child is acting out, reflect what you see without judging. "I see your fists balled up and your face is scrunched. You look upset." Sometimes the act of validating their experience through reflection can help them move through anger and into a problem-solving mode.

8. Narrate. If there are skills you want your child to learn, narrate when you use them. For example, if you want your child to manage frustration, share how you manage your own. "Oh! Darn it! I didn't want to forget that bag and now I'm frustrated. What can we do? Hmmm." etc.

9. Assume prosocial intent. Underneath all child behavior is a desire to be a part of your life. Believing that your child is trying to connect with you, and needs to learn better skills leaves the door open for learning. "You wanted him to move, so you pushed. Pushing hurts. When you want him to move, say 'excuse me.' "

10. Model. Children learn the most from watching you. What do you do when you're angry? When you're hungry? Do you slam doors or eat junk food? That's what your child is learning.