REALLY Obvious Things to Exclude When You're Expecting 

The I'ma slap-you-in-the-face if you do this stuff stuff

• Drugs - HellOOOOO!
• Alcohol - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome anyone?
• Smoking - Would you give a baby a cigarette?
• Heavy Lifting - Getting your butt off the couch is about as much lifting as you need to do.
• Prescription & OTC Medicines - Must. Ask. Doctor. First.
• Caffeine - Starbucks will make pretty much any of their drinks sans caffeine, so no excuses.
• Excessive strenuous exercise - Now is not the time to take up extreme sports.

Exit Poop Left 

The Baby Poop Decoder has a new home!

You'll find it in my new lens, Baby Poop 101, where I dish the scoop on baby poop... or something like that.

Here's the original Baby Poop Decoder:

When the baby comes, you may be amazed by how much of your life revolves around poop. Poop begins to actually mean something!

Tarry black poop, your baby's first poop, is called meconium. You'll never see it again once it passes.

Mustard poop is common for breastfed babies. Supposedly breastfed babies make sweeter smelling poop. I don't know about you, but I've yet to meet a poop I'd call sweet.

Green poop is normal in the realm of baby poop. "Green", "poop", and "normal" all in one sentence. It's so surreal.

Orange poop is also par for the course. I don't know if it's a par 3 or par 4. It's definitely not a birdie.

Yellow poop - hello yellow! (It's late, I'm tired, and I'm running out of cutesy ideas.) Yellow is normal.

Multiple color and color-changing poop - as long as the colors are listed above (sans meconium reference), there's nothing to worry about. Baby poop changes colors on a frighteningly regular basis.

Chalky white poop could indicate that there is no bile from the liver to digest food. Call the doc.

Tarry black poop, when NOT the first poop, could mean there is blood in the digestive tract. Call the doc.

Bright red blood in poop means blood has been expressed very close to the anus (i.e. no time to turn black.) Call the doc.

Blue poop can only mean one thing...

Attention Gwyneth Paltrow Fanatics 

You don't need a Bugaboo just because celebrities have them

I can't believe there are strollers that cost $400, $700, even $1000. It must be a status symbol thing. If that's what you're into, more power to ya - but I think a kid could benefit much more from that money going into a college fund instead.

I have splurged on some baby gear, but I can't imagine what is some folks' rent or mortgage payment amount going for a stroller. It better be automatic and come with a nanny for that kind of dough!

I guess strollers are kind of like cars - if you can afford a luxury car, you'll probably have one.

In my case it was more about functionality:

· smooth ride
· well-built & reliable
· easy to drive
· reclining*
· affordable

I've had several strollers (unfortunately), and can highly recommend Graco Travel Systems and Combi strollers, for all of the reasons above. I had to ditch the Graco for a Combi Twin Savvy Sport(I have a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old), and it rocks.

* No matter what kind of stroller or how much you spend on one, never, and I mean NEVER, purchase a stroller that doesn't RECLINE. Recline is everything. You can thank me later.

Childproofing? What childproofing? 

Save yourself a headache; you're pregnant, for Pete's sake!

"What?!" you ask, "no childproofing - are you nuts?!" I'm still sane as far as I know. And that is due, at least in part, to my having learned to put aside unnecessary worries.

Newborns aren't mobile, so it's unlikely they'll be trying to get into household chemicals under the kitchen sink as soon as you bring them home from the hospital. Do yourself a favor, and use your first few months to take care of baby and yourself.

How Dry I Am: The Dastardly Wipe Warmer 

From the Useless Baby Gear department, with gratuitous POOP references!

Unless you live in an igloo, wipes aren't that cold. They're moist and cool to the touch, which is logical since they're made for babies' bottoms.

Wipe warmers do more than their namesake implies: they dry the wipes out, too.

Newborn poop is sticky. I don't care how warm the wipe is, if it's dry, using it to clean a sticky poop is gonna suck.

Baby wants the poop gone as much as you do, or maybe he just wants to suck on his feet. Either way, start him off with cool, non-warmed wipes, and he'll be okay.

I Thought Mom Was the Diaper Stacker? 

More useless baby gear, more work for you

If you keep diapers in a basket or some other kind of organizer near your changing table or crib, the diaper stacker is just another unnecessary accessory.

When it's empty, you have to refill it.

And they're not that cute.

Are they?

You Can Only Read So Many Pregnancy & Baby Books 

Just stick to a few good ones

The Mother of all Pregnancy Books... is probably the most thorough and engaging of all the pregnancy and baby books I went through. It's written in a conversational style and really covers everything. I was shocked and delighted to discover that the book's author, Ann Douglas, is right here on Squidoo with several lenses, including The Mother of all Lenses: Pregnancy and Parenting.

"What to Expect..." seems to be the book everyone reads. Chances are someone will give you their old copy. Actually, that's true for most pregnancy books. Ask around. (Way to boost my Amazon affiliate revenue, huh?) I read it. It was okay. *scratches head*

"Your Pregnancy Week-by-Week" - I actually liked this one better than the first. The illustrations were a little 70s-ish. I notice and worry about trivial things like that.

My husband loved the New Father book for the first year stuff. We referred to it more than the "Your Baby's First Year, Week-by-Week" book that I had. I didn't realize there's a Toddler edition now; I need to get that one too!

The Baby Owner's Manual is funny. Think of your baby as a VCR, and this is the book that tells you how to work it. Sorry, no way to program the baby though. Besides the humor, there is some good info, but the presentation is what was memorable for me.

The Mother of All Pregnancy Books: The Ultimate Guide to Conception, Birth, and Everything In Between (U.S. Edition)

by Ann Douglas

Amazon Price: $10.87 (as of 05/11/2008)

What to Expect When You're Expecting, Third Edition

by Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenberg, Sandee Hathaway

Amazon Price: $13.95 (as of 05/11/2008)

Your Pregnancy Week By Week 5th Edition (Your Pregnancy Series)

by Glade B. Curtis, Judith Schuler

Amazon Price: (as of 05/11/2008)

The New Father: The New Father, A Dad's Guide to The First Year; A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years (New Father Series)

by Armin A. Brott

Amazon Price: $27.50 (as of 05/11/2008)

Somewhat Obvious Things to Exclude When You're Expecting 

Stuff you oughta know, but hey - it's your first time to be pregnant

• Sushi - It's a no on stinky, raw fish for now.
• Tuna - Speaking of fish, you should limit your tuna intake to once a week. Folks within breathing distance will thank you too.
• Unpasteurized milk or juice - Chug on something else.
• Soft cheeses and runny eggs - Yes, that does mean no feta.
• Too much salt - It'll make you swell up and have feet like Shrek. Not pretty.
• Extreme temperatures - Do what you can to avoid freezing or overheating. I live in Texas and had summer babies two years in a row. It's a wonder I survived.
• Stress - HA! good luck.
• X-rays - Hmm, nothing cute to say about x-rays really.

Breaking News: Changing Table Pad Covers Banned From My Nursery 

No Poop Left Behind Law Strictly Enforced

I honestly cannot think of a more ridiculous waste of space. Here's a cheap piece of terry cloth that'll cost you 10 bucks, fit the pad poorly and get raggedy after only a few washes... all so you don't have to look at the plain white changing table pad, and maybe so you can cover it with something that matches your nursery décor.

Well, it'll get poop on it, and that'll not only not match your décor - it means more stink to clean up and more laundry to do.

Most changing table pads are covered in a slick material that can be easily wiped down and disinfected. I clean mine with a bit of bleach water, and to me that seems more sanitary anyway - and there's no worry over when was the last time I washed the changing table pad cover.

And no poop.

Clicking's a Snap - Avoid Buying Crap 

Stroller Buying Guide from eBay

Here's a pretty good guide on what to look for in a stroller. A personal note for moms with multiples - it may seem illogical, but side-by-side strollers are much easier to handle than tandem strollers.

Buying Guide: Car Seats

A nice car seat reference from Babies R Us

Bassinet Buying Guide

No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection

Bouncer Buying Guide

No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection

Changing Table Buying Guide

Five safety features to look for before buying a changer. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

Bottle & Nipple Buying Guide

Get help finding the bottle setup that best suits your baby's needs and preferences, along with some handy accessories. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

Crib Buying Guide

Everything you need to know to pick out a safe, stylish, and convenient crib for your baby. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

Highchair Buying Guide

A highchair is one of the most used baby products next to a crib. Find out what features to look for before you buy one. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

Baby Monitor Buying Guide

How to pick a monitor that will help you hear and even see your sleeping baby from another room. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

Stroller Buying Guide

Everything you need to get rolling with a stroller that suits your family. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

Playard (Pack-n-Play) Buying Guide

A good playard is a safe spot for your baby to play and sleep, at home or on the road. Find out how to choose the best one for your child. No-nonsense buying guide from Wal-Mart's Baby Connection.

The Bottle Warmer - A Bad Wrap 

You have a microwave, don't you?

This thing was the bane of my existence for a about a week when my daughter was first born. Measure the water, fill the container, wait for steam, wait to refill since it didn't work the first time, etc. Meanwhile, a baby is hungry and letting you and the neighbors know about it.

Bottle manufacturers don't want to be sued, so they like to warn you not to use the microwave. Books will warn you of this too, but the folks who wrote those books aren't gonna come to your house and stop your kid from yelling in the middle of the night.

Sometimes you just have to break the rules. Use a little common sense. Microwaves tend to heat unevenly, and you don't want any "hot spots" in the bottle. Here, logic and a little Def Leppard wisdom (one for you soccer moms) can come in handy...

take the bottle, shake it up!

Experiment with your microwave while Baby is sleeping and thus not screaming for nourishment. Find the right time for warming in your microwave, so you'll know next time. And the time after that.

Not-So-Obvious Things to Exclude When You're Expecting 

• Laying on your back - get used to sleeping on your side while pregnant. Throw down some dough on a really good pillow.
• Mega-doses of Vitamin C - don't OD on the OJ.
• Deli meats - I considered saying "no deli for your pregnant belly" here, but I decided against it.
• Herbal remedies - hippie chicks, ask your doc first.
• Bad dental hygeine - toothbrushes and toothpaste aren't that expensive.
• Hair color - pregnancy reprograms your hair. Red may be blue. Brown may be green. (If you shop at Hot Topic, this may not concern you.)
• Sex - hehe, gotcha! You don't have to avoid sex, but if you've lost your mucus plug or your water has broken, take a cold shower instead.
• Latex paint - you are dying to paint the nursery, aren't you? Just don't do it without proper ventillation, and take plenty of breaks for fresh air.

Don't Eat Pureed Vegetables in a Mercedes 

Highchairs get covered with technicolor baby food (or worse)

Why spend a fortune on them?

I started out with an average (50 bucks or so) high chair that had most of the same features of the more expensive chairs. I tossed it. Know why? I was sick of washing the chair cover - over, and over, and over again.

To make matters worse, the tray was divided. Oh sure, it seems clever. But you have to clean it, and if it has a tray insert, you have to clean that too. That divided business makes it tough to clean by hand, and the dishwasher only runs once a day around here (on a good day.)

I moved on to the IKEA Antilop Highchair for a whopping $18.99. Two of them, in fact. They're compact, safe, and simple.

Sidenote: oh, how I love the IKEA.

Sarcasm (and poop) aside... 

Congratulations... 

You made it through the poop to the BOTTOM OF MY LENS!

I could sure use a good blurbing.

MOMMD

Please, NEVER shake breast milk in a bottle. You can denature the fats and end up with a soapy tasting milk. In fact, if you are breastfeeding, feed right from the breast. IF you need to give the milk an other way, then carefully SWIRL the milk. And NO microwaves. Hotspots and murder for the enzymes and some of the antibodoies, But, it still better than that stuff in the can. Yuck.

Books? Two: The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, by LLL, and The Baby Book by Sears MD and Sears IBCLC, RN. These two will get you through the first year, if that's all you buy.

Posted April 16, 2008

robert320 Nice Lens! Less than 5 weeks to go until my first comes along, I am now educated on what to expect in those nappies argh :) Posted April 03, 2008

Evelyn_Saenz As a mother of 3 I can attest that this is one of the best lenses I have read about the things that are not necessary for babies. The only thing I would actually suggest to buy would be a subscription to Mothering Magazine. Check it out at It's Raining! It's Pouring!. 5 stars and lensrolled. Posted January 24, 2008

Mom of four

Microwaves kill all the nutrients and goodness in the milk. So if you use formula, just warm up the water and then add the formula. If you use breast milk then heat a bowl with water in the microwave and then warm up the bottle in the bowl. And yes shake it!

Posted November 13, 2007

PetPortraitArtist Love the Baby Poop decoder...5 stars...Great Lens! Goo Goo Ga Ga Baby Store Posted November 06, 2007

NeeshaN

A really fun, great book to add: The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, oh and about the changing table covers, I just snuck a bunch of those disposable sheets that the pediatricians use with each child and used them over my covers!

Posted September 12, 2007

RyansInc Wow! Very informative. Who would've thought....a decoder. A gold star from www.squidoo.com/hotparenting Posted June 29, 2007

DrMOZ Great lens Monica! Keep up the great work, and don't forget dad! Posted November 19, 2006

MoreThanMommy Cool lens, but I like changing pad covers! It looks nice and we throw one of those waterproof changing pads on it. They're cheap and easy to wash (poop and all). Two other food items to exclude: pre-packaged salad and hot dogs. Hot dogs aren't do or die, but they have lots of salt and bad stuff. Posted September 18, 2006

Super-Mommy Very nice lens! Posted September 18, 2006

 

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