Here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for
women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he
has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many
cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-
way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one
knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for
his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for
their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never
buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear
bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a
big- screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him
go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you
do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink
whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-
shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless
drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink."
You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly
required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will
always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron
Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers
are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't
know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need.
Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow!
Thanks.")

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but
they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The
challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However,
he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and
what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an
aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder.
It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a
hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Ok...Men Pay Attention!!!

Courtesy of an email sent by a friend

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to go for the $5 China Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon.

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pyjamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, that's like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

Top 10 Gift Ideas to Avoid

1. Exercise Equipment: Nobody wants the five (OK, 10) pounds they gained over the holidays thrown back in their face, which is exactly what your sweetheart will feel you're doing if you give him or her a Thighmaster this year. Leave the purchase of exercise equipment to the individual, unless they specifically requested it as a gift themselves.

2. Anything Used: If the box is crinkled, even slightly, they'll know it's been used! Same goes for clothing that mysteriously contains no tags, or popcorn tins that are slightly less than full.

3. Gifts That Require Work: Vacuum cleaners, most kitchen appliances, leaf blowers and nose-hair trimmers are not, and should not be considered, "gifts." Again, a possible exception is if they have been asked for -- no, begged for -- and even then ask yourself, would they really like something that adds fun or enchantment to life instead?

4. Socks: Most people are happy to buy their own socks, and would rather do so than receive them as a present. (Yes, even if they're covered in reindeer or have separate places for each toe.)

5. Homemade "Trinkets:" There are some exceptions here -- for example, such gifts from children to parents -- but generally, the recipient will not appreciate the hours you spent hot-glue-gunning tiny Christmas bears to a wooden sleigh (that you also spent hours hand-painting with the family's initials and coat of arms). We know this violates some people's assumptions and best intentions, but according to experts and studies it is so!

6. "Weird" Items: It's tempting to buy that one-of-a-kind, fuzzy, fuchsia sweater vest for Aunt Sue, or that giant frog shaped paperweight for cousin Pete, but, unless you know they've been yearning for one, chances are slim that they'll like it (and odd items may be difficult to return). Remember, there is a line between tasteful unique gifts and flat-out weird ones, and the line is not that fine.

7. Clothing: Although clothing is the most popular gift for most shoppers, it can also be the most disappointing of gifts received. So unless you are absolutely confident that you know the correct size, colour, fabric , & style that the person will like, don't buy it. Less risky are neutral items of clothing that don't quite run these risks.

8. Lingerie: In a similar vein, lingerie is a risky bet. Pick out something she likes, and that's the correct size, and you may have done well -- but the chances of this are slim (no pun intended). More likely you'll buy something that's too big (and therefore implying she's fat), or too small (and therefore implying she's fat), or is the wrong style entirely (opening up a whole new can of worms).

9. Items That Could Hurt (or Annoy) Others: Your neighbour's kids may love a drum set, but would their parents speak to you afterward? Similarly, rollerblades are fun, but did your Uncle Theo tell you about his bad hip? Risky items in this category include slingshots, pellet guns and other toys that involve projectiles, items that involve loud, repetitive sounds, and sports equipment and/or power tools that fall into the wrong hands.

10. Novelty Gifts: You may think that a fly-in-the-ice-cube gag is the greatest thing, but chances are that novelty gifts such as these will not impress your loved ones (unless they're 5 years old). Also watch out for quirky things that you may think are cute, but will actually violate the rule above (think the "Singing Bass" fish that hangs on the wall or a snowglobe that plays "It's a Small World").