Psychology Of Manipulation

Lately I've been hearing a lot about mind control and mind control techniques. These topics often come up in discussions about discussions about covert hypnosis. It's an interesting idea to think someone could actually control another person without their permission, but in some instances, that's exactly what happens.

Manipulative people are everywhere. Some are very open about it. They often get the name, control freak. But when it comes to manipulation, exploitation and coercion, I believe the methods are far subtler. Take covert hypnosis, for example. This is an extremely subtle method of having someone do what you want without them ever realizing they've been influenced outside of their own volition.

Sometimes covert hypnosis is called slight of mouth. Before trying such a technique on someone one first must gain rapport with the individual. The reason is, the actual practice of covert hypnosis involves a low level of confusing speech mixed with suggestions or outright hypnotic commands designed to get certain results. Sales people sometimes use a subdued method of covert hypnosis.

NLP & Gaining Rapport...
If you watch a professional sales person in action, from the first visit, you'll notice she's not all that interested in selling right away. Oh, she's interested all right, it's just that she knows there's a time to sell and a time to schmooze. The time to schmooze is called getting to know the client, or in NLP or hypnosis parlance, gaining rapport.

This is nothing new. Long before we had fancy names identifying the deliberate steps of the sales process, crusty old sales managers everywhere taught, "Ya gotta get to know 'em before you can start pushin' 'em."

Commonalities...
Whether we're talking about a sales call or an encounter where one party is deliberately trying to manipulate another, one of the best ways to break the ice is by chatting about things both folks have in common. People like people who are like them. Simple. Have you ever seen someone from across the room at a party or some other event, and said to yourself, hmmm, I don't like the looks of that one.

But later you actually meet the person and hit it off famously. And that's almost always because after you got to talking you discovered the person has a lot in common with you. You might both be parents with kids struggling in school, or you might like the same type of entertainment. The similarities can be many. And just like that, your preconceived "dislike" for the individual melts. And in the NLP field that's called gaining rapport. Nothing happens without first gaining rapport. From there, "mind control" is fairly simple if you have the proper skills.

Confusion...
Again, whether it's sales or deliberate deception you've first got to get rapport. Once you have it you might try mixing some leading suggestions buried within some lightly confusing banter. This is a skill that needs to be developed over time and with practice or it simply sounds crazy.

With a skilled practitioner delivering the message, the results can be amazing. I remember attending a one-day seminar with a friend years ago. The speaker was selling expensive live self-improvement workshops and seminars. There were about a dozen classes in all.

As I listened to the pitch I recognized Milton Erickson's boiler room story being told. And the guy telling it had it down perfectly. Without going into a lot of detail, the boiler room patter is designed to help a person or people to learn of to unconsciously pick up on a particular lesson. In this case, to purchase their live educational seminars.

The results were amazing. My friend bought just about everything they had. I tried to tell him what the instructor had done but my buddy insisted he couldn't be fooled with any new age mumbo jumbo. Oh, really? If this stuff ain't mind control, I don't know what is.

Have you ever done something without having any idea why you were doing it? Of course you have. We've all been there and more often than not it didn't really matter. Acting on a whim to run out for a hamburger or a catch a beautiful sunset is one of the things that make living fun.

But have you ever done something that ended up working against you, sometimes very much against you without knowing why? It might have seemed like a really good idea at first, but as you continued on with it you somehow knew deep down inside that certain actions would hurt you, yet you kept right on with them. I think we've all been there too. But in such a situation it's likely you were the target of one of many forms of blatant manipulation.

Life Or Death...
I love to watch people go about their day-to-day routines. Why? Because human behavior fascinates me. Over the years I've made an informal study of what people do. In the early part of my professional career I spent the better part of two decades working very closely with people in a healthcare setting.

Because of the nature of the work, and with life or death situations often presenting in a split second, I was forced to pay very close attention to the behavior of people under my care. And that close attention to human behavior was one of the biggest blessings I've ever known. I soon began to recognize certain behavior patterns and was often able to predict with great accuracy, how people would act under stressful conditions, happy times, while enduring pain, and many other human situations.

People Watching Pays Off...
In the healthcare setting the ability to recognize a likely behavior was helpful to the individual in question. But in the business world that ability often worked in my favor. And though I'm not wired to deliberately set someone up for negative consequences, I didn't see a problem with gaining a business advantage based on an individual's own stubbornness or lack of wisdom.

And here's where it got really good or really bad, depending on your perspective. I recognized many of the same motivators that patients in the hospital responded to were being used in the business world to manipulate and even worse, intimidate people. What do I mean? It's simple.

There are really only two human motivators. Those are pleasure and pain. People move toward pleasurable experiences and naturally, move away from painful situations. In a hospital setting getting sick folks to follow doctor's orders can often be a challenge. But what I discovered was that the best doctors, nurses, and medical technicians of all types understand, sometimes not consciously knowing they understand, the pleasure, pain principle.

All motivation is based on the reward of pleasure or the fear of uncomfortable consequences. The evolution of this concept has allowed people to use emotions like greed, the promise of withholding of love, envy, vanity, guilt, the promise of security and many other pleasure and pain motivators. If you're interested in more information about people and their behavior patterns, you'll want to check dark persuasion techniques.

I was thinking about my fist girlfriend, Jan this afternoon. What a gal. We were inseparable back in the day. After more than 30 years I saw her on Classmates.com and contacted her. We exchanged a few emails but, of course, it wasn't like the old days. I know we can never go back to the innocence of days passed but I sensed something disconcerting about her. And then I remembered some of the unsavory details about her world back when we were together.

Living in the Cuckoos Nest...

It was Jan's mother who made her living situation so volatile. One day mom would be waltzing breezily around the home like she was the star of TV soap commercial from the 1950's. She'd wear a nicely prepared dress with high heels, makeup and perfect hair, sort of like June Cleaver from the old TV show Leave It To Beaver. She made me pretty uncomfortable when she was like that. But not nearly as uncomfortable as when she would snap.

We never knew when it was coming. Sometimes she'd go on for days and everything was roses and lollipops. And then, without warning, you might see a piece of her finest China flying by your head, intended for only God know what. She was an instant domestic terrorist and her whole family was the target. When that happened, and it happened all too often, I'd leave in a hurry hoping that Jan would be okay.

Jan had grown up in that house and once confided that things had always been that way with her mom. I noticed that when mom was in nice-nice mode, she'd often hint through a wicked smile at how quickly the plastic decorum could change if Jan, her dad or a sibling weren't doing just what mom wanted.

It wasn't until I'd contacted her and reflected back on those days that I realized Jan's mom was nothing more than a big manipulator, a vicious control freak. She actually enjoyed her role as intimidator and manipulator.

It Was All About Control...

She would gently weave her evil spells when she was playing the easygoing role and became even more dangerous when she would transform. I guess you could say she went from passive aggressive to full blown psychopath in a split second. But thinking back, it was all about controlling her kids, her husband and anyone dumb enough to get too close. Now you might think this sounds typical of bipolar disorder and I'd probably agree.

Push Button Mood Swings...

But that was only on the surface because the thing about Jan's mom was, she could turn it off and on like a light switch. It was all by design. Crazy, huh? Maybe literally crazy but I'm guessing that wasn't really the case. Jan's mom was simply someone who enjoyed the power and control. and made it her life's work. Isn't it nice when you can spend your time on earth doing something you really love? Ugh.

This woman had everyone in the house terrified every minute of the day whether she was switched on or off. I have to say, Jan's family was about the best behaved bunch in the whole state. But there was an underlying tension that I recognized even in Jan's recent messages. I wonder if she's adopted her mother's style of discipline? They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. More soon...

Have you ever met anyone who was really stubborn? I think we all have. In fact, we all know plenty of people that fall into that category. And then there are people who are really set in their ways. They're not so much stubborn as they are married to a particular routine. Outside of that routine they may be very accommodating, but break the routine and they can become uncomfortable and even argumentative.

You may have a family member that falls into one of these categories and dread having to deal with them because getting them to act outside of their routine or getting them to do anything at all is a major headache. Some children start off in life this way, obstinate. Getting them to eat, bathe, do chores or homework can be aggravating. But a children's fable just may hold the key to dealing with difficult people.

Make Them Think It Was Their Idea...
One way to persuade a stubborn person is to get them thinking what you want was their idea in the first place. There's an old story by Uncle Remus titled, Brer Rabbit And The Tar Baby, which illustrates the point nicely. I'll give you the highlights.

There once was a fox and a rabbit that were always bickering, with the rabbit most often getting the better of the fox. Looking for revenge, the fox fashioned a doll out of tar and turpentine and placed it in a path the rabbit was known to travel while the fox hid nearby.

Coming upon the tar baby, the rabbit greeted the strange creature and said hello. But the tar baby didn't reply. After several attempts to be cordial without even a nod from tar baby, the rabbit became angry and struck the doll. The rabbit's paw stuck firm to the gooey creature. The rabbit continued trying to engage tar baby and continued striking until both paws and both feet became hopelessly stuck.

Oh, No! Not That, Please...
It was then the fox appeared showing a sly grin of satisfaction. The fox had long awaited this moment and pondered aloud what he might do. The rabbit replied, "Oh please, Brer Fox, do anything you like to me but please don't throw me into the briar patch."

The fox then suggested that he might roast and eat the rabbit, and again the rabbit replied, "Oh please, Brer Fox, do anything you like to me but please don't throw me into the briar patch." Then the fox suggested hanging or drowning the rabbit. And after each suggestion the rabbit replied, "Oh please, Brer Fox, do anything you like to me but please don't throw me into the briar patch."

Finally the fox said, "Hmmm... the briar patch, yes, that's it." He picked up the rabbit and tossed him into the briar patch. Now, being raised in the briar patch, the rabbit was able to quickly scurry away, escaping death at the hands of the rabbit.

Reverse Psychology...
What had the rabbit done? He cleverly persuaded the fox to position him for safety by pretending to go along with each suggestion while insisting the briar patch was not something he wanted. A clever use of reverse psychology, wouldn't you agree?

So next time you encounter someone determined to be stubborn, why not suggest he throw you into the briar patch, just so long as you like briar patches. Hehehe... It might be just the trick you need to keep your sanity. If you're interested in learning more about dealing with stubborn people click the live link.