Knights of the Round Table
A friend sent me a letter which began like this:
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What else could I do but create a lens about puns?
Short funny puns, one liner puns, the pun of the day, joke puns, you name it!
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What else could I do but create a lens about puns?
Short funny puns, one liner puns, the pun of the day, joke puns, you name it!
I thought I saw an eye doctor...
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. The Smoking Pun
Crimes Against the Language
The Smoking Pun: Crimes Against the Language (Paperback),
by Thaddeus Taylor (Author), Tom Nynas (Illustrator)
True Love!
A one liner pun for your consideration...
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. Rubber Band Weapons
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. Make that hamburger, ok?
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. The Best Book of Puns
"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."
No matter how much you push it...
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. Aren't they cute?
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. A French Genade?
I think this qualifies as a short funny pun...
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Get Thee to a Punnery
Hermes, anyone?
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. Tempus Fugit
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Step away from the wall...
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Pun and Games:
Jokes, Riddles, Daffynitions, Tairy Fales, Rhymes, and More Word Play for Kids
Pun and Games: Jokes, Riddles, Daffynitions, Tairy Fales, Rhymes, and More Word Play for Kids (Paperback),
by Richard Lederer (Author), Dave Morice (Illustrator)
Atheism?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Two hats are better than one...
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head. Batter up!
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. Like wow, Man!
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' Bizarre piggy bank...
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
Why did the chicken...
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. No balls...
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. Guards, sound the alarm!
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large. The man who survived...
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. Poetry in motion?
A backward poet writes in-verse. Vote early, vote often!
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. Amen!
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. Careful, now!
Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects! Great Stuff on CafePress
More Funny Stuff
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- The most common answer to this riddle is "To get to the other side." When asked at the end of a series of other riddles, whose answers are clever, obscure, and tricky, this answer's obviousness and straight-forwardness becomes part of the humor. Some psychologists believe the riddle's humor comes from the fact that its answer is expected to be funny, but is not. (Courtesy Wikipedia)
- So you think YOU'RE stupid, eh?
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky Basketball Forward, said, "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
Duh...
Vote for your choice of the dumbest celebrity of all time! - So you think YOU'RE stupid, eh? (Part 2)
- When Senator Barbara Boxer reportedly said that "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again," she couldn't know she'd be providing the introductory example of celebrity addleheadedness for this lens.
That's life in the fast lane, eh?
The Blonde Handywoman
A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing the neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by -mail lately."
A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to collect her money.
"You finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus."
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by -mail lately."
A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to collect her money.
"You finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus."
I couldn't quite remember...
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me. Semper Fi!
Randy was discharged from the Marines because he was rotten to the corps. (Mash) Boy on a Dolphin...
NED: I was arrested for committing lewd acts atop a dolphin!ED: Really?! Are you guilty?
NED: No way! Even though they caught me, there was a misunderstanding.
ED: Are you saying you didn't do it on porpoise?
Thief in the night?
When the thief fell in the wet cement and broke both legs, he became a hardened criminal. Reader Feedback
Feel free to add your favourite puns to the lens!
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- Cumberland Cumberland Oct 14, 2008 @ 7:11 pm
- I love puns. I read them all. A few I had heard, but not the "Roundest Knight". That is my favorite. 6 Stars, no wait, I can only give you 5.
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- Caseyfern Caseyfern Oct 14, 2008 @ 12:26 pm
- LOL! You know what they say: Use a pun, go to jail... or in your case, the Soup! Welcome, and great work - 5* and a lensroll to Words and Phrases.
by kmcvay
I enjoy chatting with positive, intelligent people who are driven to succeed.
I'm a "work at home" grandfather of 8, cancer survivor, avid recreati... (more)
I'm a "work at home" grandfather of 8, cancer survivor, avid recreati... (more)
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