Hamlet (1976)
The Bride
The Equalizer (1987)
Ballad of Reading Gaol (1988)
Resident Alien (1990)
Topsy and Bunker: The Cat Killers (1992)
Orlando (1992)
Philadelphia (1993)
Red Ribbons (1994)
Aunt Fannie (1994)
Natural Born Crazies
To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)
Taylor Mead Unleashed (1996)
Little Red Riding Hood (1997)
Famous Again (1998)
Men Under Water (1998)
Barriers (1998)
Homo Heights (1998)
American Mod (2002)
Domestic Strangers (2005)

'Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.'

'To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.'

'When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"'

'The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.'

'It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.'

'Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it.'

'The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.'

'The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as "Soho" poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.'

'The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.'

'There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.'

'There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.'

Lettering for Brush and Pen, (1936)
Colour in Display, (1938)
All This And Bevin Too (1943)
The Naked Civil Servant, (1968)
Love Made Easy, (1977)
How to Have a Life Style, (1975)
Chog: A Gothic Fantasy, (1979)
How to Become a Virgin, (1981)
Doing It With Style, (1981)
The Wit and Wisdom of Quentin Crisp, (1984)
Manners from Heaven: a divine guide to good behaviour, (1984)
How to Go to the Movies (1988)
The Gay and Lesbian Quotation Book: a literary companion, (1989)
Resident Alien: The New York Diaries (1996)