QUIPPING QUEEN

QUIPPING QUEEN & EMPRESS OF ECCENTRICITY

H.R.H. QQ bids you a warm welcome to her quirky quarters!

OFFICIAL TITLES:

Monarch of Mirth, Her Royal Highness, Victoria Elizabeth, Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity, Patroness of Pith & Vinegar, and Dazzling Diva of Diddlysquat!

HER MOTTO: "I am easily amused."

HER MANTRA: "There's more to life than croquet and crumpets, not to mention teetertotters and tiddlywinks."

HER MASCOT: A half-ton heffalump named "Humpty Dumpty".

I MAY BE EASILY AMUSED BUT, LET ME ASSURE YOU, I CERTAINLY DON'T DO HO-HO-HO! (Image Credit: Elizabeth Thomsen@flickr.com)

Pip Pip Hooray!

A Big Bodacious Thank You To Squidoo!

WHO IS THE QUIPPING QUEEN?

There is much speculation as to who is the Monarch of Mirth?

Some have said that she is a figment of a frightfully fanciful if not fractured imagination.

Others have suggested that she is an altogether arcane alliterationist with a penchant for picayune piffle.

Those with their finger on the pulse of humanity and their thumb on a computer keyboard space bar have dared to ask one rather obvious question: Who is the Quipping Queen?

In response to this carefully worded inquiry, no less than 2,900 responses have been given according to "Yahoo!Answers".

Not to be outdone by this staggering wealth of information about this unknown personage, the gurus at Google have delivered no less than 48,500 answers to the same question.

For those who don't trust technology to come up with one brief, definitive, logical, and simple answer, please gaze at your own navel for further inspiration. If that doesn't work, please consult a pack of Tarot cards or dial up the "Psychic Friends Network" and ask for guidance from beyond as to what is her true purpose here on Earth, if you really must be in the know.

THE QUIPPING QUEEN'S AWARD-WINNING BLOG

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BEWILDERING BLOGS & HILARIOUS HUBS BY HRH-QQ

THE QUIPPING QUEEN: Wanna meet a whole lot of other curious characters who hang out at the Court of the Quipping Queen?
WORDORIUM: Where wicked words are invented and defined by some very weird word-peckers.
CREATIVE LOAFING INSTITUTE: Where loafers, lollygaggers, and the leisure-challenged can be found naturally!
ZODIAC ZONKERS: A zany collection of horrific horoscopes for the cosmic-challenged.
QQs 43 THINGS: HRH-QQ has already begun a long-winded list of things she wishes to do before expiring or kicking the bucket, whichever comes first.
HONORARY HUB OF HRH-QQ: The Queendom of Quirky offers all those who are fascinated with odd, obscure and outrageous stuff a place to plop down and ponder about peculiar people and places, what else.

ABOUT "THE QUIPPING QUEEN"

As Shakespeare once said, "Brevity is the soul of wit", so without further ado, here's aBRIEF HISTORY OF HRH-QQ:

For those with an abiding curiosity about a mirthful majesty better known as "H.R.H. The Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity":

Birthdate: How indiscreet of you to ask!

Birthplace: On an island situated in the middle of a river on a planet called Earth that is smack dab somewhere in a great big galaxy known affectionately as "The Milky Way".

Birthsign: Scorpio (a maven of metamorphosis in the Western world), and Rooster (a boisterous barnyard beast in the Eastern world).

Parents: Two pleasing personalities at last count , (since my mother did not believe that tall tale about "Immaculate Conception").

Marital Status: If you mean do I have a spouse or significant other to boost my morale, let me assure you, it is not sagging!

Education: Never attended kindergarten (it did not exist in my day). Completed 12 years of reading, writing and arithmetic supplemented by breathtakingly-boring and utterly useless courses in cooking, sewing, plus health and personal development. Graduated from university with a degree that allows me to talk to plants, admonish pet rocks, and keep a lid on things while everyone else is blowing off steam.

Wise Words of Wisdom: Never trust anything that requires you rub its tummy.

HRH-QQ's Net Worth: Excluding her baubles, bangles and beads, Technorati.com has estimated that her bodacious blog entitled "Quipping Queen" is worth the humble sum of $8,468.10. While folks at Blogshares.com value her wonky wordsmith web contribution on "Wordorium" worth a mere two thousand ducats or two.

MINI-BIO OF A RIPSNORTING ROYAL

Many readers have inquired as to whether Her Royal Highness, The Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity (or HRH-QQ for short) actually exists.

The short answer is "Yes"!

Her given name at birth was "Victoria Elizabeth", but it was not until she reached the age of spunk and substance that she truly appreciated her heavy-duty "handle".

Frankly with two matriarchal monarchs in her libertine lineage, she decided it was high time that she acquired her very own red carpet, a priceless pen name to go along with it, not to mention a rather grand throne room (affectionately referred to as "a posh powder room" that she has all to herself)!

So, in the interests of brevity and decorum, she wishes to share with her loyal subjects and off-beat admirers some dazzling details and gratuitous facts regarding her ludicrous life so far.

Really Riveting Personal Stuff:

Date of Birth: Sometime between the twinkle in her father's Celtic eye and her mother's experiment with something called "The Rhythm Method".

Birthplace: Venerable home to "poutine", "the Habs", and someone called "Celine"!

Marital Status: Formerly wed-locked sufficiently long enough to bear a knight-in-shining armor with wings (who simply adores saving damsels-in-distress or watching drama queens try to stuff their excess wardrobe into a compact 22-lb clutch "purse" before boarding his aircraft).

Favorite Wine: "My Way Chardonnay" (a marvelleous "Megalomaniac Wine" offering).

Obscure Awards and Achievements: MacLean Method of Writing Certificate (Grade 3); 1978 Employment & Immigration Canada Typing Test Result - a staggering 79 wpm! Awarded a doughty dialogue and debate diploma by the Socratic Order of Sandboxes (SOS) since she was neither a strong contender for a trophy in the "Crumpet-Eating Croquet Contest" nor qualified as a wicked winker in the annual "Tactful Tiddywink Tournament".

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART I

For those who are keen to know about the jest-in-time jobs held by HRH-QQ throughout her illustrious career, be forewarned...this list is incredibly insigificant if not indecently innocuous!

· Part-time summer job as a Lemonade Stand Sales Rep. (Sold five 8-ounce glasses to three adults and two thirsty animals on a hot summer day - long before we had GST).

· Designer and printer of custom-made greeting cards for folks without funny bones. (Spent one year with oodles of colorful silk-screen paint under my well-manicured false nails).

· Chief Cook & Bottle-Washer at a fishing lodge with a lot of strange-looking bottom-suckers. Later promoted to Camp Counselor where I discovered that not all rattlesnakes, skunks and porcupines live in zoos or pet stores. (A selection of "odd" summer jobs that I enjoyed in the Interior of British Columbia and in Northern California%u2026home to many fruitcakes and nuts).

· University Administrator (a.k.a. Certified Apple Polisher) who invented "management by smiling" (MBS) and found time to organize fabulous weekly whine-and-cheese parties (called "scientific seminars") for some very merry misanthropic munchkins wearing white lab coats.

__________

Design and Photo Credit: Mary Englebreit.

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART II

Surely there's more to H.R.H. The Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity than meets the eye.

As fate would have it, HRH-QQ did spend some time working for a living before she appointed herself as Queen of Quippery. She refers to her previous pastime as 15 Years of Fun-Filled Fantasy in Fortune-Cookie Land).

For the benefit of peering paparazzi, the brilliant blueblood biographer and fanciful factotum, Sir Harold Twitterby, has compiled a light-hearted list of merry milestones achieved thus far in HRH-QQ's jocular journey through life:

· Having been scorched by a few fire-breathing dragons and trounced by one too many testy trolls in her life (that is before ascending her thrumping great throne), Victoria Elizabeth (HRH-QQ) decided to put her latitudinarian if not altogether lollygagging repertoire to good use on her first consulting assignment by creating a "Think & Doodle Manual" for fops, fusspots and flibbertygibbets.

· With lots of spunk and gumption under her belt, she then began to take on more challenging tasks such as writing clear, concise, and cogent client reports (about as fun to read as the adventures of "Dick-and-Jane" and their phonetically-challenged animal companions, "Puff and Spot").

· She later discovered that what clients truly valued was time-honored, well-honed Spanish Inquisition skills designed to eliminate a plethora of pesky problems (rather than simply waiting for Godot to show up and solve them).

· Having acquired oodles of tangential experience, she repackaged her resume and began offering career-counselling advice to those keen on exploring hitherto unanswered yet compelling questions like: "What's the name of that pretty pink elephant sitting in your living room? How do you get rid of a boisterous bull in a China shop? Why is the Spirit of Serendipity pissing on my parade? Where do Superman, Bat Man, Spider Woman, and the Tooth Fairy all go for a fantastic night off?"

· Most recently she was appointed to the illustrious position of "Dean of Do-This-Do-That" at the critically acclaimed Lemming Leadership Institute. When not gazing at her navel, she can be found giving guest lectures on a variety of vacuous topics including but not limited to the following fields of study: "Balderdash & Bunkum for Beginners", "Blissful Blundering", and "Bang-Up Business Botch-Ups Worth Noting".

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART III

It may be hard to believe but HRH-QQ* admits to having a few hidden talents, skills, and experience (other than what appears in misbegotten media reports).

· Established contrarianN communicationS, to publish Pith & Vinegar Times (a literary laughingstock), The Lost Lemon News Service (a delightful weird news archive), and Foolscap (a nincompoop newsletter for fopdoodles and fonkins).

· Wrote popular purse-size pieces of piffle such as The Glossary of Glitch and a syncopated sequel entitled The Abridged Version of the Flop Glossary not to mention a tantalizingly tiny tome called, The Glorious Glossary of SNIT (capable of fitting conveniently into a posh powder room reading rack).

· Organized "Victoria's Inaugural Feast of Fools" (honoring April Fools' Day, an occasion most people would just as soon forget if at all possible.)

· Co-wrote online content for an amusing, off-beat website called ribald-humor.com that received 30,000 hits monthly (relying only on word-of-mouth).

__________

*For the benefit of those who haven't got a clue about what high brow humor is all about, Wikipedia provides a comprehensive definition of the word "Quip".

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART IV

Most would probably agree that there is nothing "minor" about a maven named "HRH-QQ".

For those intrigued by what constitutes a curious career path, here is a laundry list of dubious feats accomplished (in her own words):

· Won "2004 BlogsCanada Award" for creating "The Quipping Queen". Received 2005 Honorable Mention by the Editors of Pseudodictionary.com. and nominated for recognition by the "Rock Paper Scissors Improv Group" having tickled the funnybones far too many fools that year. Received 2005 Humor Writing Award by "Victoria News" for a 'Funny Christmas Story', and received a naming award by the Whistler Writer's Group. Presented the 2006 Blogger-A-Day (BAD) Award by Liz Strauss, (a saloon-keeper's daughter & a rare blog-star who knows a puckish Canuck when she sees one). Named "Grand Punjandrum" by Wordlab.com for contributing more than 4,000 names to their creative forum. And to top things off, her mini mirth site dedicated to "2008 Year of the Rat" was awarded "Lens of the Day" by Squidoo.com in January 2008, and her wacky "Weird Words" site was awarded the title "2007 Honorable Mention Lens of the Year" in February 2008!

· Became a single mother without relying on welfare. (Now if only I could remember my seven-digit PIN number and navigate my way through that maze of voice-activated instructions for touch-tone-telephone-banking, I'd be a flaming genius!)

· Became a substitute teacher and videoconference lecturer without ever having taken an education course. (What else does one do living in a remote community when it's 50 below zero eleven and a half months a year and buggy beyond belief during two-weeks of summer?)

· Produced an education video although I had no experience in script writing. (It became a popular "dead space filler" for a community TV channel).

· Translated French documents into English for doctors, lawyers, and university profs, even though I had no formal training. (Maybe that qualifies me for a bilingual government job?)

· Became a ukulele fanatic and funky folk music guitarist, (but don't ask if I can "Tiptoe through the Tulips" like Tiny Tim, yodel like a Swiss herdsman, or tell a joke without a teleprompter).

· Organized trade delegations to some pretty quaint if not forgotten places on the map even though I never took a political science course, held a government job, or had any formal event management training.

· Learned how to use a dull hatchet, pitch a tent during a rain storm, cook without matches, navigate by the stars and a compass, and squat to relieve myself without splashing my sneakers. (But don't ask me how to change a tire, cook a gourmet meal on a barbecue, or decorate a Victorian commode like Martha Stewart).

For those who love to be in the know, do check out check out her potty personal profile on the "LinkedIn" module below.

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART V

HRH-QQ'S* PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY:

Be true to yourself and laugh a little every day, because levity always defies gravity!

And her second piece of advice:

If the barnyard of life gets you down, remember to call a politician, preacher, pundit, or p.r. professional. (Only they know the true value of frequent flushing, prescriptive purging, and winsome whitewashing.)

__________

*HRH-QQ Has also been known to make off-the-cuff, off-the-topic and sometimes off-the-wall contributions to such online forums as "Wordlab.com" and "Verbotomy.com".

Note: When not occupying herself with amiable affairs of state, HRH-QQ enjoys walkabouts in the mist, (referred to by locals as "liquid sunshine"), that hides her quirky castle situated near a harbor tourist trap, better known as the hot-air headquarters of a provincial government in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

H.R.H. QUIPPING QUEEN'S PERSONAL PROFILE

On the other hand, if you're a zesty zoomer, perhaps you'll find my puckish profile in another pondering pool (that's less taxing on the cerebellum).

10 MORE THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HRH-QQ

HRH-QQ has often been referred to as an "eccentric bit of ephemera" if not a "tantalizing tempest in a teapot".

So it should come as no surprise to anyone that there is more to HRH-QQ than meets the eye.

As a matter of fact, there are ten things very few folks know about her:

1. As a "Scorpio", she has three things going for her: she's obstinate, odd, and can be a tad overbearing at times when poked, prodded, or provoked by pesky personalities). On the other hand, she's also earned a reputation for being a sultry scamp, a saucy siren, and a simply scintillating sovereign on her good days.

2. She doesn't like wimpy watercress sandwiches or for that matter watermelons, (a fruit that's full of little black seeds that get stuck in one's teeth).

3. When not decked out in all her royal regalia, she adores wearing tight-fitting trousers, a large white sun hat, and a pair of sharp, shiny, silver spurs.

4. Nicknames given to her include: Buglugs, Mugwump, Snicklefritz, Snookums and Yahootee.

5. Those who have supervised her, (which is rare as it is said that she is not known to take direction well), affectionately refer to her as either "Big Vic" or "Miss Effy".

6. She doesn't own any Corgis; indeed, the only pet in her possession was a hampster named "Alexander the Great", (who ran away one day to join the circus and has never been heard from since).

7. Her favorite tunes from bygone days include: Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?", "Puff the Magic Dragon", and "Raindrops Keep Fallin on My Head".

8. She does not share a fondness for horses, ponies, or mules; (on the other hand, perhaps these four-legged fetlocks do not share a passion for people with precocious personalities).

9. Peculiar places that she has visited during her brief lifespan on planet earth include: "Fanny Bay", "Spuzzum", and "Youbou" (all obsure, off-the-beaten-track, and out-of-the-way holes in the wall in "Beautiful British Columbia", Canada).

10. If truth be told, she would love to host a dearly-departed dinner-party, provided of course the following guests of honor would accept her invitation: Alfred Hitchcock, Mae West, Socrates, Douglas Adams, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Cleopatra, Katharine Hepburn, Helen of Troy, Flip Wilson, Victor Borge, and Winston Churchill.

QUIRKY CHARACTERS IN THE COURT OF THE QUIPPING QUEEN

For those of you who have never let their fingers walk over their computer keyboard to the Queendom of Quaffers, Quibblers and Quidnuncs, shame on you.

The Court of the Quipping Queen is filled with many colorful characters:

Adrian Air-of-Sleet, HRH-QQ's potty Personal Secretary and Royal Biographer.

Aphrodite Beamish, a buxum brown-noser.

Hugo Hotagen, a loyal lapdog.

Lady Beatrice Blitterlees & Lord Earl Craboon, a titillating pair of twits.

Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D. a humorous hot-air bag.

Patience Pantperhog, a sight for sore eyes.

Samantha Tooting-Beck, an unforgettable ungulate.

Sir Harold Twitterby, a blue-blooded busybody.

Theolonius McTavish, a whiskered wunderkin worth his weight in salt.

The Right Honorable James Offleyhoo, a gregarious grand Pooh Bah.

LIGHTHEARTED AND LOOPY LENSES BY HRH-QQ

CHURCH OF CHORTLE: For those who worship wit, whimsy and wonk.
BULL & BUNKUM: If nothing fits the bill, try a bit of bs and balderdash!
LITTLE LOO LIBRARY: A sumptuous stock of sassy snickerisms for the water closet.
BEST NON-BOOKS: Your best source of non-existent novels etc.
BIZARRE BOOKSHELF: A few more odds & sods to add to your bizarre bookshelf.
GREAT BIG GIGGLE GUIDE: A gargantuan guffaw sort of place.
YEAR OF THE PIG 2007: For those who adore ham, oinks, and porcine personalities!
LEADERSHIP THE EASY WAY: Sponsored by the Lemming Insitute of Leadership.
DROLL DICTIONARIES: Witty word-lovers, whimsical wordpeckers, and wonky wordsmiths will find this spot a wonderful way to while away their time.
FUNNY PLACE NAMES: I can only claim to have visited "Fanny Bay", "Spuzzum", and "Youbou".
THE LEPRECHAUN: Behind every little leprechaun there's a mischievous munchkin waiting to come out and play!
FIRED FUNNYBONES: For folks who've been axed, canned, or fired...and keen on finding their funnybone before they lose all their marbles!
VICTORIA'S VENUE!: It's a glimpse into the wonderful world of people, places and paraphernalia named Victoria!
FUNNY NAMES FOLIO: This light-hearted lens is devoted to the oddly-inspired onamastic world of peculiar proper names.
THE ODD JOB CLUB: Note: Cube-Farm Dwellers - It's never too late to run away and join the circus!
CURIOUS COVERS: Welcome to the world of creative yet curious book covers (also known as dust-jackets).
TIDDLYWINKS: Every up-and-coming maven or monarch should know engage in three fitness or recreational activities -- croquet, kick-the-can and tiddlywinks (the latter being less cerebral and more supple than chess naturally).
TREEHOUSE TREASURY: If you don't like playing tiddlywinks, chances are you won't like playing in a treehouse either -- but who knows maybe you're a wayward adult who missed out on fun in childhood...would you like to drop your grievance in my pity-pot?
GIGGLING GRAPES: Do your vintage vines come with a twisted sense of humor?
WHIMSICAL WATCHES: This site will appeal to crazy clock watchers and time-concious twits.
SILLY SIGNS OF LIFE: "Silly Signs of Life" are easy to spot, so keep your eyes peeled and be ready to be tickled pink!
HEFFALUMP HEADQUARTERS: This lens fills a gaping void in the universe, namely all you need to know about heffalumps but never dared to ask.
CRAYON COLLEGE: If you wanna color the town red, be tickled pink, or wear blue suede shoes...sign up for some crazy courses at the Crayon College!
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS: For all you fruitloop, fruitcake, and fruit-minded folk out there who know the value of squeezing the most out of life!
HILARIOUS HOPS: What's in a name?...boffo beer branding at it's best that's what!
HORRIBLE HATS & HAPPY UNBIRTHDAYS: If you've had your fill of ugly shoes, it's definitely time for horrible hats and happy unbirthdays!
CRUMPETS CLUB: A great place for old codgers, coots, and crones to indulge in their favorite pastime, consuming crumpets to their heart's content!
WEIRD WORDS: A sumptuous spot for lovers of long-lost little words in the English language that may seem a little naughty but really aren't.
2008 - YEAR OF THE RAT: Time to sign up for the "Rat Race"! At the very least, perhaps you could consider the merits of becoming a "Pack Rat", a "Rug Rat", or a "Rink Rat". On second thought, why not learn how to make "Ratatouille", it's a whole lot tastier than take-out!
SOCRATIC ORDER OF SANDBOXES: This lens is dedicated to out-of-the-box thinkers with a funnybone.
WILD, WEIRD AND WACKY STREET NAMES: What were they thinking when they came up those street names?
SOCK TALK: All you ever wanted to know about silly, strange, or downright smelly socks of course.
LATIN FOR LAUGHS: Laughable Latin phrases for all occasions (that conveniently fit into your purse, pocket, or packsack).
YELLING IT LIKE IT IS!: An ode to that great American icon, the inimitable and irreverent Goddess of Gripe and Mother of Mockery, "Maxine"!
DAFFY DISEASES: The perfect place to find altered ailments, mirthful maladies, and plenty of petty poxes!
WITTIEST WENCH EVER!: Oh come now, surely you jest, think again.
SCORPIO SISTERHOOD: Since these astrological artifacts couldn't gain admission to "The Divine Order of the Ya Ya Sisterhood", they took matters into their own hands...you guessed it!
THE GLORIOUS GLOSSARY OF SNIT: For those interested in the lexicon of "Serenity-Challenged Nerves in Transit" (SNIT).
VINTAGE VIXENS: Featuring witty one-liners from the mirthful mouths of hilarious hussies, saucy sirens, and vivacious vamps.
CAST-OFF COUTURE: Cast-off couture - an amusing alternative to tossing your togs in the landfills (which are growing to the tune of 500 or more a year in North America).
YULETIDE YUK YUKS: 'Tis the Silly Santa Season again...where's your festive funnybone?
FUNNY FESTIVITIES: A curious calendar of wacky events, odd occasions, and hilarious holidays to celebrate in 2008!
WATTLE IT BE?: Wassup with those wattles anyway...all you ever wanted to know about a "wattle" but never dared to ask!
LONG LIVE LEAP YEAR!: Happy Birthday all you little "leaplings" and "leapers" ...at last you've got a reason to celebrate!
MY FUNNY VALENTINE: Headquarters for all hapless or heart-broken types who did not receive a vacuous Valentine's card or godawful gift.
WHAT'S ON YOUR BUCKET LIST?: So smartypants, how many top ten things have you ticked off your list before you "kick the bucket" and meet your maker?
MAD MONEY: Calling all mavens of mirth...get out your mad money...'cause it's time to cash in on some fun!
CRACKPOTS AND CROCKPOTS: If you haven't got a funnybone and have never played with your food, this spot is definitely not the place for you!
HERE BE TROLLS: Here Be Trolls: where a titillating treasury of funny furry creatures awaits you.
EGADS IT'S EEYORE: A light-hearted tribute to a deadpan, down-in-the-dumps donkey named "Eeeyore".
TEMPLE OF TOOTHPASTE: The Temple of Toothpaste welcomes all who worship pearly whites and believe in the "Tooth Fairy"...amen!
GOD MADE TOILET PAPER TO ROLL ONLY ONE WAY!: This lens, (devoted to the light-hearted liturgy of laughable little loo secrets), is proof-positive of the necessity for proper "Potty-Training Protocols" in any throne room!
FOR COD'S SAKE!: Better yet, Cod Save the Queen...for Cod's sake!
MARATHON OF MIRTH: Marathon of Mirth: What one organizes on "April Fool's Day", "Red Nosed Day", or any day one chooses to tickle the funnybones of folks for a minimum of 24 hours (who says Laughter Yoga doesn't count?!*)
VANISHING VOCABULARY: This light-hearted lens is devoted to recovering and restoring little-used if not long-lost words in the English language that truly deserve to see the light of day.
THINGS WITH NO NAMES: Give me one good reason why utility polls, mailboxes, and pump stations don't have proper names?
BORED DOE CLUB: The "Bored Doe Club" will appeal to fatiqued felines with way too much time on their hands and precious few ways to spend it without emptying their purses or putting on twenty-five pounds.
GIFT OF THE GAB: For sad-sacks or shy souls who were not born with a silver spoon in their mouths or a long-tongue to lick their favorite ice-cream cone.
PRINCESS OF PUNCTUATION: For those who haven't a clue about how to use a comma let alone a semi-colon, this little lens pays tributes to two witty wenches who know how to use a pregnant pause that packs a punch or two!
THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATER: What do you mean you've never heard of "The Purple People Eater"?
BIG BOOK OF BUNKUM: Excerpts from a crazy compendium of weird and wonky words (found in the world's least known source of daffy definitions, the "Wordorium").
POSH POTATO: A titillating tribute to "2008 - The International Year of the Potato".
HUMPTY DUMPTY: "Humpty Dumpty" represents a cautionary tale that's never too old to pass along whether at home, at work, or at play!
TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM: These lollygagging lads defy logic...which is probably why they love to run in elections.
CHRISTMAS IN JULY: It's time for Summer Santas and ribald reindeers to come out and play!
JAMES BAY BABBLER: Welcome to the "James Bay Babbler" wired weekly wit and wisdom for those who live, work and play in beautiful James Bay, Victoria, British Columbia!
contrariaN communicationS: Not your average communications consulting firm, contrariaN communicationS creates mirthful messages for mild-mannered misanthropes, merry-challenged souls and milquetoast men of means.
WITTY WENCHES: These witty wenches are both wicked and wise, a heady combination if ever there was one!
GEE WHIZ GRADUATE SCHOOL: Finally a place where dingbats, doodlebugs, and dweebs can get a diploma!
NAUGHTY-SOUNDING WORDS: The English language is comprised of some 900,000 words...some of them naughty-sounding but rather harmless.
CROSS-DRESSING COMICS: Some of the best laughs come from funnybone fashion folks.
ENTERTAINING EUPHEMISMS: Entertaining euphemisms is equivalent to a plate full of funny food for thought.
ODD OLYMPICS: Finally someone's come up with "Goofy Games" that everyone can play...including couch potatos, armchair athletes, and folks with two left feet!
BOTTLE SHOCK - FOR SASSY SIPPERS ONLY!: "Bottle Shock" is a light-hearted lens for those who appreciate things like weird wine labels, chardonnay snobs, and gripping grappa tales.
SCAMPS, SCOUNDRELS & SCALLYWAGS: The hilarious headquarters for all rascals, rogues, and reprobates not to mention a few tipplers, topers, and transgressors of all sorts.
ZODIAC ZONKERS: This light-hearted lens will fill the boots of navel-gazing, star-gazing folk who haven't a clue about how to influence a ram, flatter a bull, or woo a water carrier!
COLLEGE OF CREATIVE LOAFING: This esteemed if not entertaining educational institution offers courses that will flex your funnybone and coax your Inner Imp to come out and play!
TITILLATING TAGLINES: A treasury of twisted taglines waiting for you!
WAYWARD WINDS: An ode to the common fart.
WACKY WITCHES: Forget about Wicked Witches of the West...the Wacky Witches from the East have more fun!
50 WAYS TO RETAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY: When the world's going to heck in a handbasket, what's a guy or gal gonna do?
HOW TO BE A WITCH: Isn't it about time you learned how to be a happy hag or at least a wildly wicked witch?
RELIGULOUS: Oh come all yee of little faith and fractured funnybones...there's a mirthful movie waiting for you!
RHINO PARTY: This light-hearted lens is devoted to the Rhinoceros Party of Canada, a very curious clan of crazy Canucks.
HOT AIR: This light-hearted lens is devoted to putting the fun back into flying by the seat of your pants!
2009 - YEAR OF THE OX: According to Chinese astrology, it's time to pay homage to fearless, humble, and hard-working beasts of burden in "2009 - The Year of the Ox"!
WHO THE HECK IS JOE?: How many "Joes" do you know whose claim to fame is plumbing?
NIBBLER'S NOSH: For those who appreciate entertaining elixirs to love.
WINGNUTS: Welcome to the wonderful world of wingnuts, weevils, and wobblies!
LAUGHABLE LANDMARKS: These bizarre bits of roadside art may keep you scratching your head or laughing out loud.
I AM CANADIAN: For those who have never met a thirsty beaver or hungry blackfly in the flesh!
MIRTH & MISTLETOE: All you ever wanted to know about that pucker-power plant!
WHAT THE HECK IS WASSAIL: Pagan party enthusiasts will not want to miss out on this fermented fruit and fun event over the holidays!
SANTA BABY: Are you sure you want to serve milk and cookies to that ho-ho-ho hunk in the red suit?
SANTA FREE ZONE: Who hijacked Christmas, and what does all the ho ho ho really mean?
LET'S TALK TURKEY: Never let the turkeys get you down...humor for the holidays what else!
WICKED WENCHES: Let's hear it for brash babes, devilish dames and wonderfully wicked wenches that make life so interesting!
THE CHEEKY CHEAPSKATE: When everything's going to heck in a handbasket, The Cheeky Cheapskate comes to the rescue!
CUPID'S CRAZY CORNER: If you think "loopy love is in the air", you could be right on the mark, (according to one very Crazy Cupid!)
A YEN FOR YARNBOMBING!: Why twiddle your thumbs when you can use your yen for yarn and become a crochet commando!
DOES YOUR CHEWING GUM LOSE ITS FLAVOR ON THE BEDPOST OVERNIGHT?: Gumslingers the world over will be pleased to know they now have their very own sticky site to visit!
CURIOUS CONUNDRUMS: Get out your mental floss, because it's time to give your head a shake and come up with the answers to these crazy questions!
AMUSING ALLITERATION: What do you mean you've never heard of the computer game "Passionate Patti in Pursuit of the Pulsating Pectorals"?
COURT OF THE QUIPPING QUEEN: Here's your chance to meet the cast of colorful characters who frequent the Court of the Quipping Queen.
FEAST OF FOOLS: What would April Fool's Day be without a quality quaffing event and a guest appearance of HRH-QQ in her home town?
PLEASINGLY PLUMP PIPES: A treasury of trilling types from a new sensational songstress named "Susan Boyle", to gifted grand dames like Mahalia Jackson, Aretha Franklin, and Rita MacNeil.
GO FLY A KITE: Spring has sprung, (and if you're wondering where the heck the flowers is, forget them), ...it's time to go fly a kite!
WICKED WENCH WINE CLUB: Where Goddesses of the Grape and vintage vixens hang out naturally!
BOTCH AND BUNGLE: Why not celebrate those blessed blunderers, botchers and bunglers that make the wonky world go round!
2010 YEAR OF THE TIGER: If you're into Chinese astrology, then just make sure you don't grab the tiger by the tail in 2010!
MIRTHFUL MOTHERHOOD: A light-hearted lens for mirth-minded mavens of munchkins who still have their funnybones in tact while signs of insanity can be seen and heard everywhere...now pass me another sippy cup of chardonnay if you please!
UNIQUE UNMENTIONABLES: In polite Victorian company, we refer to them as breechclothes, merry-widows, or in a pinch...nether garments.
CRAZY CAPTION CONTEST: It's time to don your dunce hats, fools caps, or twit tuques...and get a wiggle on in order to with this month's "Crazy Caption Contest"!
GADGETS AND GIZMOS THAT GIVE YOU THE GIGGLES: Have you ever wondered who in the world came up with that crazy contraption, who would buy it, and of what use could it be? Well, take a wee peek and see for yourself!
THE TREASURES OF TIME: What really matters to you? Well, it all depends on your tastes and time of life. And, that's where this light-hearted lens begins and ends.
SOMETHING SPECIAL AT SIPS ARTISAN BISTRO: A wonderful little addition to the James Bay neighborhood, a tantalizing Tapas Bar -- fit for a Queen Bee or a King Tut, (King Kong probably wouldn't enjoy the fermented fruit or the fancy food).
A TRIBUTE TO THOSE WHO HAVE TOUCHED MY LIFE: This light-hearted lens is my attempt to do justice to the many dear friends, family, and far-flung folks who have enriched my life and taught me more than a few lessons about what really counts when all is said and done.
HOW TO NOT TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY: In the world of experts and know-it-alls, this light-hearted lens is a gentle reminder of "how to not take yourself so seriously"!
THE MISSING WORD MUSEUM: In a world full of wonderful words, there is only one museum devoted to honoring forgotten names and words in conversation and how best to continue one's chat with substitutes ike "doohickies", "thingamabobs", "whatchamacallits" plus the "deallybobs", "doomaflotchits", "gubbins", and "ouijimaflips".
COAL DUST KISSES: Where there's a Will (Ferguson), there's a way to have fun and enjoy a good laugh after reading one of his many brilliant books about those Crazy Canucks.
BATA SHOE MUSEUM: What would Goody Two-Shoes do without her very own Shoe Musueum?
THE WONDER OF WHIFFLING: No need to waffle or whiffle! Just wander over to your bookshop and pick up a copy of this engaging if not entertaining tome about strange words you didn't even know existed in the English language.

QQ's GROUPS

The Queendom of Quirky is filled with glad-handing groups...some of which you may also wish to join.

CANUCK COUNTRY: This group invites Crazy Canucks or marvellous maple-leaf lovers to showcase their stuff!
HUMOR HEADQUARTERS: This is a great place for those with light-hearted lenses to let the world see the value of a good laugh!
QUIPPING QUEEN'S QUARTERS: This is where Quipping Queen stores all her silly stuff.

PIFFLE & PLAUDITS

Those who enjoy puck and puffery have this to say about HRH-QQ:

"SQUIDZILLA has its eye on your lens as a tasty morsel to devour." -- K.C. Stargazer, Groupmaster & Keeper of "Squidzilla".

"I've stopped over at your blog and it's marvelous! I was reading "Things Perfectly Normal Beasts Do" and thought of my daughter ..." -- Yvonne Divita of Windsor Media's "Lip-Sticking Blog" and author of "Dickless Marketing: Smart Marketing to Women Online".

"We liked your site but weren't sure how to classify and categorize it into a neat little cubbyhole. Finally, I created a "diversions" page and included you; I think many if not most of our customers have an urgent need to read it." -- John, The Assistant Stockroom Troll and Teresa, Customer Happiness Facilitator at The Restless Mouse Gags & Gifts.

"Love your blog, -- it's now on my favorites list. ...I've just idled into Quipping Queen, and see you're still merrily blogging. Well done, you." -- Lindsey Dawson, writer, speaker, and word whiz from New Zealand.

"You have a riveting web log and undoubtedly must have atypical & quiescent potential for your intended readership." -- The Editor, Harvard Humor Club

"Your book and blog are very funny." -- Eric Siegel, Ph.D., Nutcasebooks.com.

"Your blog is not only funny, but is always full of interesting facts and commentary." -- K. Gentleman, journalism student at Carleton University.

"What a lovely blog I've discovered." -- Tea and Margaritas

"These made me chuckle. May I say how much I enjoy your blog, O Fairest Queen of Quips. -- Cooper

"Ha ha! Excellent! Your verse is perverse and your writing is biting. -- JudgeG.

"Well done QQ. You're the best." -- Prairie Girl at Blogspot.

"Very nice humor. Once again you have quipped me into a literary frenzy with your gently scented prose." -- Superflywebpimp, genius author of TheParagraphNovels.blogspot.com.

"This is terribly funny! Thanks for the chuckles from Canada." - -Silent Lucidity

"Too funny. Thanks for the laugh." -- Meryl K. Evans, Web Design Guide.

"I admire your writing skill and wit." -- John

"Nice blog." -- Duke

SUPREME SITUPON - FOR ROYAL RUMPS ONLY!

GOD BLESS THE QUEEN!

Here is a delightful dispatch that I received in my in-basket today. I thought it worthy of publication since it is after all about ripsorting royal advice from a Monarch of Merriment to a chaotic colony in the "New World".

"To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1.You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour", "labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up "vocabulary").

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of "-ize".

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with clotted cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!"

QUIZZICAL & QUIRKY THINGS FOR QUEEN BEES NATURALLY!

LADY LAUGH-A-LOT!: Now here's one red hot mamma!
DRAMA QUEENS WILL LOVE THIS ONE!: Silly stuff to keep every Queen happy!
GIGGLE GALS ARE NEVER AT A LOSS FOR WORDS: Women of wit are a rare breed indeed!
BIRDS OF A FEATHER STICK TOGETHER!: And this bird is one class act!
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DROLLERY?: The name of the game is "Dame" ...and don't you forget it!
EVERY PONDERING POOL NEEDS A PRINCESS: Pugnacious princesses should spend time at the pondering pool to reflect on life, liberty and the pursuit of laughter!
WANNA MOUTHFUL OF MAXINE?: Everyone's favorite feline with attitude!
MY SQUID SPAWN: A brilliant bio by one very sassy stargazer.
QUIPS CARDS: QUIPS CARDS...who says vintage vixens don't have a sense of humor!!!
WITTIEST WENCH EVER: Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the wittiest of them all?
QUIPPING QUEEN'S QUARTERS: H.R.H. QQ spends her sabbatical every year in her very own sumptuous sandbox, appropriately called "Quipping Queen's Quarters"!
A GLAD-HANDING GODDESS?: And you thought you knew all about Quipping Queen!

TWITTER & TWADDLE

When you need to keep up with the latest potty peccadillos and eccentric entertainment engaged in by H.R.H. QQ...then this is the module for you!

QuippingQueen
aka Quipping Queen
50 followers
0 following

Nov 5, 2009 @ 10:35 am

I have just been appointed Patroness of Plonck at the BORED DOE CLUB / http://tinyurl.com/coz6ap
Nov 4, 2009 @ 10:27 am

What do you mean Santa's elves don't make all those gleeful gadgets and giggle-oriented gizmos? / http://tinyurl.com/ndweow
Nov 4, 2009 @ 9:57 am

What's not to like about amusing aphrodisiacs? I double dare you to take a peek at NIBBLER'S NOSH / http://tinyurl.com/d2axu7
Nov 3, 2009 @ 12:23 pm

Never scoff at an ox or a bull in a china shop for that matter! / http://tinyurl.com/yhpnmlj
Nov 3, 2009 @ 12:03 pm

If you're bored out of your gourd or your tree, why not try a bit of LATIN FOR LAUGHS / http://tinyurl.com/dk6nju

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MONARCH OF MIRTH & MAYHEM!

BATTY BOOKMARKS FOR THE BORED AND BEWILDERED

THE WONDER OF WHIFFLING: What's not to like about weird and wonderful words in the English language?

BATA SHOE MUSEUM: What's not to like about shoes, shoes, glorious shoes?

COAL DUST KISSES: Where there's a Will (Ferguson), there's a way to make you laugh at those Crazy Canucks!

MISSING WORD MUSEUM: A great place to find forgotten words and those stuck on the tip of one's tongue.

HOW NOW BROWN COW: In the world of experts and know-it-alls, this light-hearted lens is a gentle reminder of "how to not take yourself so seriously"!

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HRH-QQ's GUESTBOOK

Delighted you dropped by the Queendom of Quirky and Quippery.

QUIPPING QUEEN

QUIPPING QUEEN & EMPRESS OF ECCENTRICITY

Pip Pip Hooray!

WHO IS THE QUIPPING QUEEN?

THE QUIPPING QUEEN'S AWARD-WINNING BLOG

BEWILDERING BLOGS & HILARIOUS HUBS BY HRH-QQ

ABOUT "THE QUIPPING QUEEN"

MINI-BIO OF A RIPSNORTING ROYAL

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART I

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART II

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART III

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART IV

FACTS AND FICTIONS: PART V

H.R.H. QUIPPING QUEEN'S PERSONAL PROFILE

10 MORE THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HRH-QQ

QUIRKY CHARACTERS IN THE COURT OF THE QUIPPING QUEEN

LIGHTHEARTED AND LOOPY LENSES BY HRH-QQ

QQ's GROUPS

PIFFLE & PLAUDITS

GOD BLESS THE QUEEN!

QUIZZICAL & QUIRKY THINGS FOR QUEEN BEES NATURALLY!

TWITTER & TWADDLE

MONARCH OF MIRTH & MAYHEM!

BATTY BOOKMARKS FOR THE BORED AND BEWILDERED

A LIBRARY FOR LIBERTINES & LOLLYGAGGERS

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