How Do I Raise My Child?

One would think that a parent's life should be easier in this generation. We have cars, computers, electricity, running water, palm pilots and other techonological gadgets that are supposed to make our life more efficient and organized. With all these gizmos and technology, we should be able to slide right into parenting without issue. This is not the case beginning from infancy. We soon find out that the child rules the house from the first cry and the parent is trying to figure out what is wrong and or what needs to be done next.

This is the start of where the path can divide. Should you take the route where the child drives the parents next move or action? Or do you take the route where the parent rules the house.

It's easy for a parent to take the route where the child drives the parent. But taking this route can cause the parent to become disorganized and an emotional wreck.

Therefore, the route to sanity is when the parent rules the house and it can start from infancy. Learn different techniques for changing your child's routine, such as changing your child's sleep pattern from being up all night and sleeping during the day. If you can do this, you are on the path to success.

Your child has now reached the age where he/she is speaking and then the much talked about tantrum age. Where do you go from here?

First, we turn to our own parents. What was their secret for raising you? Most parents can't exactly explain how they did it, or may even say "Oh, you were a good child" or "It wasn't hard". My own mother's response was "You need a routine". Sigh...

There are many books on the subject and I, for one, am so overwhelmed that I didn't research the subject. I tried the basic approach of setting a routine and being firm with my child. I turned to friends and family for advice and got through the first five years of my son's life thinking that I was doing fine.

Not so, according to my son's kindergarten teacher. She stated that my son was "like a robot". Apparently I didn't realize that I was telling my son what to do for every single step...

"Put away your toys."

"Time to clean up."

"Brush your teeth."

"Time to get ready for bed."

After I got a swift kick in the butt, I started thinking on how I could change it around. Apparently, children can take on responsibilities (without reminders from their parents) from the preschool age, or even younger. To start, I made a list for my son of the what needs to be done from the time he came home from school until bedtime.

1. Put away your shoes
2. Take a bath
3. Do your homework
4. Eat dinner
5. Play
6. Brush your teeth
7. Go to bed 9:00 pm (Yes, he had a late bedtime!)

Upon review of my list, it seems silly that it is spelled out so explicitly. I also drew pictures next to each item as he didn't know how to read yet. The first couple of weeks were difficult. Each time he finished one item, I had to redirect him to the list to look at what was next. Soon after, though, he began to look at the list himself to see what needed to be done next. And within a month, he didn't need to look at the list at all.

It's amazing how something simple can make such a huge difference. I could concentrate better on other things to do and most of all the STRESS LEVEL went WAY DOWN.

Success!

In hindsight, I wish that I had done reading on parenting a child instead of relying only on my instincts and other people's opinion. I should have done some reading. If I had taken a more well rounded approach, I believe that the beginning five years of my son's life would have been easier for me.

I'm starting to read now. It's not too late! :)

How can I learn from my child's teacher? Good communication with your child's teacher will do the trick. Also, at my child's elementary school, they provided a handbook of information for parents to read which included a list of things not to do to your child. You would think some of the information would be "common sense", but I can see how a parent may help their child too much. For instance:

1. Don't give your child extra homework as punishment.

Who me? I don't even have time to do this. But...what if your child is falling behind or doesn't quite understand the concepts being discussed in class? Or refuses to do homework? Parents can become frustrated. Therefore, some parents may start seeking ways to make their child do their homework, such as stating that additional homework will be given if the current homework isn't completed. A complete turn off for the child. Soon the child will see homework as a burden and not as a way to continous learning to open doors for them in the future.

2. Teach your child responsibility for his/her own homework.

Here we go...as parents, we want our child to complete homework so that they have good grades. But in the process it creates frustration for both the parent and child. Furthermore, homework will be a turn off for the child in the future.

Therefore, follow your child's teacher's lead. If homework is not completed, choose a consequence at home such as going straight to bed. Let your child know that you are aware that the homework wasn't done, and that you will continue to review the homework everyday. Don't deal with the situation any further. The next day in class, the child's teacher will have a consequence in place.

What if they forget their homework at home? Leave it. Don't drive back to get their homework and deliver it to the classroom. It defeats the purpose of having your child be responsible for their homework, which includes remembering to pack it in their backpack.

3. Use the same jargon as the teachers use in class.

One day my son corrected me when I used the word "mistake" when I reviewed his homework. He corrected me and said it's a "correction". I thought this was great! I grew up with "mistakes" on my homework, but he will grow up knowing that "corrections" need to be done. Who would have thought that changing an approach with a simple word can make a difference in a child's self esteem? I see it as my child growing up knowing that there is always room for improvement and not always beating himself down for getting incorrect answers.

Lastly, I always let my child know that I am in communication with his teacher. I emphasize that he will be in bigger trouble with a greater consequence if there is any lying. But if he tells the truth, he will still have a consequence, but not as great. Hmmm...what a trade off. You can see the wheels spinning in his head!

Children have selective hearing.

Children have wonderful hearing when a certain commercial or show they like suddenly appears on TV, or song they like on the radio or DVD player. Their hearing is even better when adult has a conversation with another person and their ears perk up when their name is mentioned or an interesting subject is dicussed. But, when you truly want their attention and try to enter their world ...Argh! We will speak louder and louder and repeat the same thing each time, but they continue with their activity, turn to glance at you or even walk away.

When my son was younger, I turned to my child psychiatrist friend for advice. He recommended a book that he used with his own children called 1-2-3 Magic.

Magic? Can I make my son's selective hearing disappear?

Well, I bought the book and decided to make a go of it with my son at that time. (My daughter was too young, yet.) Something needed to be done since my frustration level was at an all time high. Breezing through the book, I picked out the area that I wanted to tackle first.

Get his attention and respond.

I went forth with setting the groundwork. I sat down my son and gave it to him straight. I explained briefly, but thoroughly what the new rule will be.

Off he went back to playing with his toys or building his legos. Soon it was mealtime.

"All right, time to put away your toys and eat now."

No response.

"That's a 1." His head didn't move.

"That's a 2," with a more emphatic tone.

Nothing.

"That is now 3."

He looked up and started slowly putting away his toys.

At this point, it's too late. I immediately placed my son into his respective time out area with much yelling and screaming.

Whew! This is harder then I imagined. With all the fuss he was making, it seemed easier to decide to just give in.

I'm glad that I stuck it out. Now when I count, I don't reach to count three. In fact, there are times when he moves immediately after. This doesn't occur often, but all in all, I consider his change in behavior a miracle.

Those Nintendo DS games grab childrens attention so intensely. In terms of attention grabbers, in my experience and observation, it bypasses watching television.

Their little heads closely hover over the small screen while their thumbs are pressing franctically. Every so often that "pen" comes out to write and peck at the screen. With such intense concentration, its no wonder they can't hear anything around them.

In my son's case, this scenario fits him all too well.

I tried the "1-2-3" method. I hit the count of "3" constantly. And each time he yelled, jumped up and down and tried to run away from me as I tried to put him in time out.

"I have to save, first!"

"I'm in battle!"

Sigh...What is with these games? I was besides myself as to what to do next. Over and over this kept happening and my frustration level kept escalating.

Finally, I yelled and jumped up and down with his next yelling episode.

My son stopped and stared at me.

"What are you doing, Mommy?"

His calm and logical mother suddenly turned to her inner child for stress relief. Not only was he stunned, he looked even a little embarrassed. (He is 8 years old now and gets embarrassed by his family). Thankfully this happened at home and not in public.

What an idea! Embarrass him with a little dose of himself.

I informed him that is what I see when when he puts up a fuss. Again, a sheepish look came over him.

Now, these episodes have decreased and it is such a pleasure to hear the "smack!" as he closes his Nintendo DS.

To improve his response, I now plan to have the camcorder close by when it is time to have him stop playing. If he starts up again, I'll just whip it out and then see what happens.

P.S. I don't suggest videotaping your child if he/she loves to perform. There may be many more encore performances!

How do I get my son to turn off the light when he leaves the room?

With the price of gas increasing combined with the constant need to conserve, I find myself trying to impress this simple task of turning off the light on my 8 year old son. What can I do?

Have my son pay for using the electricity.

Well, actually I am still paying for the electricity, but it will come out of his allowance for the week. Therefore, I have set about providing him with five dollars per week consisting of ALL QUARTERS.

I sat down my son to explain the program. You see, each time he leaves the light on when he leaves the room, he will need to give me 25 cents. That quarter will be dispensed in a clear container in the main room.

As I began laying down the law, my son initially had a puzzled expression on his face. But soon he was screaming "No"! and ran to his room.

He did quite well for the first half hour of darkness. But soon after he forgot to turn off the light when he left the room.

I went up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Give me a quarter."

He put up such a fuss! I had to walk him to his room, have him show me where he put his money and take it out of the container myself.

Phew! Is this going to work? I wonder how many times it will take before he will remember consistently to turn off the light.

Well...time will tell.

Now if I just could get him to close the cupboard, close the drawer, pick up his room everyday...

Who would have known that an 8 year old doesn't sleep through the night?

Well, that is just what was happening with my son. I naively thought that my son was through this period when he was a baby. Upon questioning him closely about his sleep, he stated,

"Mommy, I have dreams and then wake up".

Every night!

Maybe that's why I would find him covering his head with his blanket, or at times he would be in our bed.

To make matters worse, his behavior recently became worse. If he had any unexpected consequences to his misbehavior, he would hit and throw objects, as well as jump up and down (the camcorder recording worked to a certain point).

Well, we have been taking him to a child psychiatrist for a couple of months at his teacher's suggestion. His psychiatrist has finally diagnosed him with Inattentive ADHD or ADD. What a relief that he has a diagnosis and that it wasn't an over reaction. What I had failed to mention earlier was his sleeping problems and therefore could have been diagnosed earlier. Who knew this was SO IMPORTANT!

I feel like such a BAD mother for not taking his interrupted sleep into greater consideration. Apparently, interrupted sleep is a sign of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Good grief!

Well, I am happy to say that I did not take his child psychiatrist's suggestion for a trial of prescribed medication. Instead we continued the fish oil (she hesitantly agreed it does work for some children) and I started him on an L-Theanine supplement called Relax-a-Saurus.

It so totally works!

This past week he completed all of his assignments in class and his routine at home. What is even better is that his overall attitude has improved. He doesn't get upset when he has corrections (his teacher is totally pleased about this), and doesn't get overly upset over unexpected consequences. He just grimaces and grumbles. No jumping up and down, throwing or hitting things.

Hurray for uninterrupted SLEEP!

We are constantly looking for information and advice on parenting our little ones. We buy or borrow books, browse the Internet for professional advice or from everyday parents as ourselves. We are constantly expending our mental and physical health to be the best parents we can be for our children.

But what about us?

I know that I push my own mental and physical well being to the side for my children. But I have come to realize that I can't be there for my children unless I take care of myself. Even if it seems selfish, I have come to realize that I need that time to myself to be a BETTER parent.

One thing I am doing right now is getting a weekly massage. (Even if it is for a short period of time). Not only is it absolutely wonderful to pamper myself, I find my self more relaxed when I deal with my children.

Definitely puts me in a better mood!

Next is dealing with my physical health. So...I am taking fish oil, daily vitamins and extra Vitamin C. How has it helped me?

1. Fish oil - It's helping me to stay focused.

2. Daily vitamins - Who doesn't need this? We all need to replenish our bodies!

3. Vitamin C - I find that I have less colds, or if I have one, it is for a shorter period of time.

and finally...I was introduced to Vivix.

After a couple of weeks, I've found that I have more energy. What a bonus! I had started it to help my immune system. I was able to discontinue the Mangosteen I was originally using. It does work! I got a cold recently and it was mild compared to my husband.

Bottom line? Do what you need to do to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Children are constantly being bombarded with information with what's going on in our world. I teach my children that our active duty members in all branches are important to our country, but as well as countries around the world.

But once out from active duty, it doesn't stop there. We should continue to honor our veterans throughout their lifetime and thereafter.

This drawing that I've done represents my impression of our veterans. I have chosen the tree as it represents strength and longevity. A tree has to withstand all sorts of from the elements...and yet it still stands.

Yes...These are our veterans in their lifetime and beyond.

See my drawing at my Zazzle store.

It is getting more difficult to find good online stores for toys that are truly educational. There are many stores that promote their toys as educational, but when I truly look at it or buy it for my children, I find that it doesn't stimulate my children. Therefore, I have found that these particular stores or online sites to have great toys at reasonable prices...Especially when they are on SALE! (Even better is CLEARANCE!)

After all, it is important to...

"Feed your child's mind with information that continually piques their curiosity, their heart with love and respect and you be will proud for the rest of your life."



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