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Raising a Spirited Toddler, Spirited Child, Spirited Kid ~ How One Mom Does It.

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Spirited Child ~ Spirited Toddler ~ Spirited Kids ~ What Does Spirited Mean?

If you are the parent of a spirited baby or spirited toddler you will be glad to know you aren't the only one. You can also breath a sigh of relief knowing YOU DIDN'T CAUSE THIS! There was nothing you did when you were pregnant or while you birthed your baby that caused their spiritedness.

With that said ~ let's take a look at just what it means to be a spirited toddler.

Being spirited refers to a child's temperament. Temperament according to Kurcinka is " ~ a child's first and most natural way of reacting to the world around him.

For spirited children this means a level of reaction that is more than other children.

Temperament is based on a number of factors including intensity, persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness, adaptability, regularity, energy, first reaction, and mood.

If you evaluated your spirited toddler on a scale of 1 to 5 (as you can do in the book Raising Your Spirited Child) for each of these categories you would probably find them on the high end for most of these traits.

Non spirited people and children may rate in the middle to low end, or may have one of these traits on the high end. Spirited children ~ being MORE ~ will show up on the high end of most or all of them.

This can be difficult for parents, but there is help out there. This lens will show you the tools and support systems I have built for myself to help me live happily with my little spirited toddler.

I hope you find them helpful. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk about raising your spirited toddler. :)

Raising a Spirited Toddler ~ How to manage spirited children

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic

by: Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Amazon Price: $8.63 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

This is any parent of a spirited child's "bible". This book will make you take a big sigh and realize "I'm not alone, my kid is not the only one like this, and I didn't do anything wrong".

In addition to making you feel better this book will help you learn more about your spirited toddler. It will also help you devise a plan to manage their behavior and not go insane. :)

Really it is an amazing book and has helped me change my outlook about my spirited toddler, learn to accept her and help her be who she is.

My Favorite Support Groups for Parents of Spirited Toddlers

These are groups I belong to and find great help and comfort from. You will find other parents of spirited toddlers on these list, and you won't get the answer "just let them cry it out"! Everyone on THESE lists knows that just won't work.

Stop by and say hi!

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Attachment Parenting and Spirited Kids

AP-SpiritedKids: Attachment Parents raising Spirit more...0 points

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High Needs Children

HNchild: Information and support for parents0 points

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Abraham-Hicks and parenting

This is not necessarily a spirited kids board. How more...0 points

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Parents of Spirited Kids

Parents of Spirited Kids is my favorite of all the more...0 points

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Downstream Parenting

Positive Parenting from within the vortex to suppo more...0 points

“Did I mention that "cry it out" was an unmitigated disaster in our house?”

Getting your spirited toddler to sleep

yeah right ~

One of the things that may be frustrating you most about your spirited toddler is their sleep ~ or lack thereof. Sleep is really important for children. It affects so many different aspects of their lives that I had not even realized. However, just like making a horse drink you can't MAKE a toddler sleep. You can however, create a soothing environment that will make them more likely to fall asleep.

***Update - May 2008***

I wanted to let you all know I have finally gotten Hanna sleeping through the night. (Knock on wood) She has managed to sleep through the night for the last two or three weeks, even through a surprise overnight trip to her grandparents.

I have really just tried to remember she needs me and when she feels secure she will sleep, and low and behold she is. Have faith, and use the Pantley book, it really works.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep

by: Elizabeth Pantley

Amazon Price: $6.36 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

We have had sleep issues from day one. Waking up 15 to 20 times a night. Only sleeping while she's touching me and so many more. We've tried co-sleeping, putting her in her crib, finally we bought her a futon. We laid the mattress out on the floor and now I can sleep with her in her own room when she wakes in the middle of the night. (which is down to only once a night).

We tried the original No Cry Sleep Solution, but did not find it very helpful for my high needs baby.

When I was at my wits end, having tried everything I could think of to get this little one to sleep and thought I was going to lose my mind from lack of sleep when we moved into toddlerhood I tried the next in the series of No Cry Sleep Solution books.

This one was much more helpful. It offered solutions that actually worked for our family, and for my spirited toddler. It also helped me remember that just because my family's sleep is not just like everyone else's doesn't mean there's anything wrong with our sleep. I had to decide if there was something that really needed changing or if I could just learn to live with it.

I think if you have a spirited toddler who continues to have sleep issues this book will be a huge help, not only for you to get them to sleep better, but for you to feel better about yourself as a parent.

A must have for non sleeping spirited toddlers.

Parenting Your Spirited Toddler ~ 4 Keys to Taming Your Spirited Child

Raising Your "Spirited Child" - Without Going off the Parenting Deep End!
By Kelly Nault-Matzen

Over 200 pairs of eyes are glued to me as a spirited child screams, "ORDER ME MY MEAL NOW!"

This child has refused to order his own hamburger (as he has done many times before) and when I calmly tell him he can either order it himself, or go home without his burger, he goes completely berserk. Yes, I have entered into a "food fare nightmare"-with my formidable opponent, an eight year old child.

I feel my cheeks flush as public onlookers wait in complete stunned silence to see who will win-the big one or the little one?

The Four Parenting Keys to Taming Your Spirited Child

Surprisingly, over my years as a family counselor, I have come to love working with spirited children. These children have a fire in their belly, a spark in their eye and a feisty attitude that assures their future in walking to the beat of their own drum instead of blindly following the crowd-a trait many parents hope for during the teen years. Yet that day in the food fare I was worn out, embarrassed and on the verge of saying "I quit!"

Raising your spirited child can be exhausting. Fortunately for me, I learned some commonsense parenting tools that eliminated nearly all future fights. Allow me to share some of these parenting tips that can support your efforts in taming your spirited child.

Raising your spirited child with these four parenting tips can help you navigate the emotional mine field successfully:

Use consistency. Follow through on EVERYTHING you say. Spirited children are gifted at manipulating "chances" and finding loopholes to obtaining exactly what they want. Hold your ground as calmly and firmly as possible-whatever you do, don't back down.

Talk less and act more. This works well, because when you get into a debate with a spirited child you are certain to lose! This is why in my "food fare nightmare" example above I gave two simple options; to order the hamburger or go home without it (the talking less part); and then silently waited (the action part).

Develop patience. Waiting out a fight without saying anything (especially if a temper tantrum erupts in public) can be one of the most difficult, yet important, things you ever do as a parent. Spirited children are bright-they know that the biggest weapon in their arsenal is to push your embarrassment button. Swallow your pride-do not cave in just because you think you look bad in public. Remember if you cave in, your child will learn to use this trump card every time they want their way in a public setting.

Take time out for yourself. Parenting children is exhausting (especially a feisty child). Find little ways to take time out yourself (share child care with a friend, hire a babysitter more, use extra hours at daycare) so you will have more energy and patience to draw from during the trying situations.

What Does the Future Hold for Your Spirited Child?

These commonsense parenting tools tame the negative opposition, but let their beautiful spirit flourish. If you attempt to use traditional discipline practices and make your child do what you want, you face an un-winnable uphill battle.

Fortunately, commonsense parenting does not mean letting your child get away with murder! A commonsense approach uses firm boundaries, mutual respect and discipline-teaching a child to naturally learn and grow from their mistakes rather than fight you every step of the way.

In the midst of your next fight, you may wonder if there will be an end to the madness. I am here to tell you that there will be a resolution to your current dramas. In my case, these tips allowed me to triumph and actually enjoy raising a spirited child.

This same child who gave award-winning temper tantrum performances in public and could bring me to my knees is now a responsible, respectful and enjoyable 17 year old college student whose year ahead is completely paid by scholarships won. For me and him, we both won in the end. May it also be the same for you.

When taming your spirited child remember to keep the faith, learn commonsense parenting tips and know that eventually if you follow the basic principles above "this too shall pass."

Kelly Nault-Matzen, MA, family counselor, corporate parenting spokesperson and award winning parenting author of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! To gain access to more parenting tools and to access your free online parenting course visit http://www.ultimateparenting.com

Taming the Spirited Toddler

Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits

Taming the Spirited Child: Strategies for Parenting Challenging Children Without Breaking Their Spirits

by: Michael H. Popkin

Amazon Price: $6.50 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

I finally had time to read this book. WOW what a great book.
As much as I learned about temperament from Raising Your Spirited Child I learned just as much about disciplining your spirited toddler from this book.

This book took all the books I had been reading about positive parenting and put it all in one place. Taming Your Spirited Child made it all finally make sense.

He used examples I could relate to and I didn't feel like I was just letting her get away with everything. There were concrete steps to take, if this doesn't work, then try this, if that doesn't work then try that.

Excellent, excellent book. I checked it out of the library ~ since my spirited child library is getting HUGE. But after reading it I went out and bought it so I could have it here to refer to, and I do frequently.

If you are trying to figure out how to manage your spirited toddler without breaking their spirit this is a MUST HAVE book.

When your spirited toddler only wants to be held

and you still have things to do.

Patapum Toddler Carrier-Black

Patapum Toddler Carrier-Black

Amazon Price: (as of 06/04/2012)Buy Now

If your spirited toddler is anything like mine they refuse to ride in a stroller and many times refuse to walk on their feet. This patapum has been my saving grace. It allows me to do things I want to do, put leaves my hands free.

Whether it's going to the garden show, the zoo or just one of those clingy days at home when I'm trying to get the dishes done. The patapum is a life saver.

It has a thick padded waist band, so most of the weight is on your hips instead of your back. My back has never hurt when I wear my toddler, and we've been out for full days.

There are other carriers, and we've tried many other styles, but I ended up sticking with this one because it is what worked best for us.


Zootles Magazine for Kids 2-6

Raising A Spirited Toddler

One mom's journey through day to day life with a spirited toddler

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Are you Raising a spirited toddler?

Raising a spirited toddler can be an overwhelming and seriously demanding job. You can feel isolated and alone. But remember there are always other moms out there willing to help.

What's your favorite trick in managing your spirited toddler?

  • enjoyecigs Apr 26, 2012 @ 7:56 pm | delete
    spirited is an understatement for our kid
  • Serenia Jan 22, 2012 @ 6:29 pm | delete
    I too thought that my son was spirited when he was younger, But now that he is older, his symptoms fit much more closely into the sensory processing spectrum and I now believe that those kids that Kurcinka has identified as being spirited - actually have sensory processing issues - whether it be auditory, sensory (skin), neural or some other. processing problem. But this is just my opinion based on my knowledge. I am not a professional.
  • Serenia Jan 22, 2012 @ 6:29 pm | delete
    I too thought that my son was spirited when he was younger, But now that he is older, his symptoms fit much more closely into the sensory processing spectrum and I now believe that those kids that Kurcinka has identified as being spirited - actually have sensory processing issues - whether it be auditory, sensory (skin), neural or some other. processing problem. But this is just my opinion based on my knowledge. I am not a professional.
  • KYMommaof1 Jul 30, 2011 @ 2:21 pm | delete
    I've known since she was born (probably before) that my daughter, now 20 months, was "spirited" or "high needs." I just didn't know up until a few months ago that that meant I had to do anything differently than the preset idea I had for parenting. I just thought acknowledging she was that way and it wasn't my fault was enough. Wrong. Her frustration meltdowns and temper tantrums started well before a year of age and only escalated. I am a spirited adult and when I would react in my natural way (frustration, exasperation, impatiently) she fed off my reaction and her meltdowns were lasting around 4 hours on average by the time I got ahold of this book, which saved our relationship and my sanity within just a couple weeks. Reading the book "Raising your Spirited Child" and looking at the reason my daughter did the things she did (frustration, not manipulation), preventing meltdowns, picking my battles, lots of understanding and explanation about her feelings, calming her instead of getting her wound up more, and picking a discipline technique for the unacceptable behaviors (time out) has SAVED US. I was feeling pretty crappy as a mother and wondering why my child was so miserable, but these techniques (and yes, consistently, always) have made things so much better.
  • SylviaRolfe Mar 6, 2011 @ 8:48 pm | delete
    I'm pretty sure every last one of my 5 children would be catorgorized as spirited. I take comfort in knowing that a) they grow up and b) I'm not the only parent of spirited children.
  • TinLunchBoxes Oct 26, 2010 @ 4:30 am | delete
    You are absolutely right that you can't make a toddler sleep but creating the right environment is key. A calming and relaxing bedtime routine often does the trick (although you need to keep this up for a week or so sometimes for it to have an effect). It is very hard for parents who are experiencing sleep issues with their toddler as insomnia is usually associated with much younger children.
  • Tara Sep 8, 2010 @ 1:23 pm | delete
    I try to use effective discipline techniques such as listening, communication and patience. I know that these are not easy things to do when you have a spirited child, but it has been working for me. Understanding your child and what it is that's making him or her behave the way they do is key to keeping your sanity.
  • Michelle Jun 23, 2009 @ 8:58 am | delete
    I just discovered that I am the mother of a spirited child. I started reading "Raising your spirited child" last night, at 1 am, when my 19 month old had woken up and insisted on watching the Backyardigans by screaming "PABLO" at the top of her lungs until I turned on the tv. I hate to give in but, man, it's the middle of the night and we do have neighbors! It took 3 tries and 2 hours to get her back to sleep last night -- meanwhile I am reading this book and it's like the light went on -- this exactly describes my child! Thanks for letting me know I am not alone, and posting these resources -- I am definitely going to check out Taming your spirited child.
  • salzanos Feb 22, 2009 @ 1:16 pm | delete
    I raised two spirited children from birth to adult hood. Today, they are are both well respected successful members of society! When my son when through his worst at age 3-5, I thought I would die of exhaustion. But a kindly and knowing elderly lady at church gave me confidence to hold on to that consistency, and training I received through the Dobson books on the strong willed child. It worked. Like I said, both my children, now 30yrs and 24yrs are a blessing to me and all they know.
  • KarenKay Nov 25, 2008 @ 3:25 pm | delete
    Ummm where have you been?

    My "spirited toddler" is now 6....but man does he fit the bill!

    I cherish him so much but he is so much to handle. I am so glad to know about this lens! I will come back often.

    Thanks so much!
  • Lara Mar 29, 2008 @ 10:01 pm | delete
    http://lifewithspirit.blogspot.com tells all about my adventures. Consistency and making sure she doesn't know when she is getting to me are my best weapons to keep one step in front of her.
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JackieLee

Jackie Lee is a wife and mother to a spirited toddler. She works from home and deals with the daily challenges of mothering a spirited child and getti... more »

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Scream Free Parenting 

My favorite Parenting Book EVER!

Scream Free Parenting CPR: The Complete Parenting Revolution

Scream Free Parenting CPR: The Complete Parenting Revolution

by: Hal Runkel

Amazon Price: $199.95 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

Scream free parenting is something I wish I'd found when Hanna was a toddler. It's the best "parenting" book I've found yet. It combines all the things I like about all the different books I read. It takes the focus off of trying to "change her" and make her behave, to helping me stay in control of MYSELF!

I find when I am able to stay in control of myself, her spiritedness lightens ~ even now that she is four.

If you're at your wits end, I highly recommend it!

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