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From the lens a rape survivor's poem.

  • DAnnieB Oct 13, 2009 @ 5:20 pm | in reply to Kate-Phizackerley | delete
    Oh, Kate -- thank you so much... a blessing that brought tears to my eyes!
  • Kate-Phizackerley Oct 13, 2009 @ 5:12 pm | delete
    I've just got my Angel wings and I knew exactly what lens I wanted to the the very first I bless - blessed.
  • GrowWear Aug 28, 2009 @ 1:04 am | delete
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Such a horrible thing to have to live through. We need to teach our daughters to not accept any part of the blame if a rape occurs.
  • lakern26 Aug 19, 2009 @ 11:43 pm | delete
    My God, what a heart-wrenching story. It was unbelievably brave of you to share your story, and everything you felt and learned from it, with the rest of us.
  • mysticmama Aug 7, 2009 @ 12:52 pm | delete
    Welcome to the Sharing Hearts Group!
  • rms Aug 7, 2009 @ 11:58 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing your story. I know it will help others.
  • mysticmama Aug 5, 2009 @ 2:53 pm | delete
    Thank You for sharing your story, please submit the lens to the sharing hearts group: http://www.squidoo.com/groups/sharingheartsgroup
  • athomemomblog Aug 1, 2009 @ 5:26 pm | delete
    Wow, thank you for sharing your experience. It might be that rapists pick certain women, but seriously, does that make it any less of a crime? NO! I had it pounded into me as a young girl that I had to walk strongly, keep my head up and act confident (ie, present a less appealing target to rapists) and I was still attacked . . . so in my opinion, if a sicko wants to rape someone, he's going to do it, no matter what. It's NOT your fault.

    The indifference shown to you is appalling, too, yet seems to be the norm in rape cases. I don't understand how being divorced could have anything to do with a masked man with a knife hiding in your room! As for fighting back, when your life is at stake, that just seems dumb . . . what you did might not be accepted by others, but it kept you alive so you could see your kids again and that is very, very important.
  • spirituality Jul 28, 2009 @ 7:59 am | delete
    Thanks for sharing. Blessed by a squidangel :)
  • Kazooli Jul 27, 2009 @ 9:25 am | delete
    I know how you feel. For years I have tried to forgive but that did not help. For years I have tried to wipe my face off, the tears, the anger and ''the why this has hapened to me'' but it did not help. I was only 21 free and happy and they spiked my drink. Will I ever reach myself back then? Perhaps no but I certainly reach others like yourself to tell them...I know how you feel.

    Sincerely
    Kazooli
  • boshemia Jul 24, 2009 @ 10:53 pm | delete
    It has taken me all day to read your story... my heart goes out to you in so many ways. So much of our stories are different, but so many similar things are there as well. One of the hardest hings for me to swallow is that the constitution tells us that a criminal is innocent until proven guilty.... but in reality the rape victim is guilty until proven innocent.

    We should have done this differently, we shouldn't have done that. If I had let him complete the rape then it would have been a rape... but since I did fight back it wasn't really a rape.

    I believe you. I just want you to know that, and if you EVER need to talk I am a trained advocate now. I am always willing to listen.

    Much love and peace

    Boshie

    Oh and do you mind if I link this on my Survivor Story lens? Email me and let me know. I'd like to get as many survivor stories as possible for people to see...
  • Val_Bonney Jul 23, 2009 @ 3:23 pm | delete
    Thanks for clarifying, DAnnieB - yes indeed, we need to be VERY angry that this kind of treatment still goes on![in reply to DAnnieB]
  • Froggi Jul 23, 2009 @ 1:00 pm | in reply to DAnnieB | delete
    The heart break was because we weren't close enough for me to be able to reach out to you at that time. Of course I was dealing with an abusive marriage at that time, even if I had known where you were and what you were dealing with, I wouldn't have been allowed to reach out. Hmmmm, I sense a personal lens coming....
  • DAnnieB Jul 23, 2009 @ 9:31 am | in reply to Val_Bonney | delete
    Thanks for that hug Val! I think I may need to go back and edit a big to clarify that this poem was written in 1994 -- its only one of the things I used to heal!

    Yes, anger for my mistreatment is still there - I get the logic and human frailties of Detective Bunny and partner - I can forgive him as one human to another. The anger I now feel is no longer the bitter weapon or tool of self-pity it was then. It's more a banner to bring awareness that this still goes on, the judging of victims as to how likely their story is true. And this isn't just done by men, it isn't just done by police. We all need to look within whenever we hear of a rape on another human being.

    Sharing this 1994 poem is like clearing the attic. I've never shared it with anyone before - it was in a drawer. When I pulled it out, I thought - this needs to be shared! There's a message in there somewhere - and it isn't "poor me".

    Again, thanks for your hug and your kind words!!!
  • DAnnieB Jul 23, 2009 @ 9:13 am | in reply to SimeyC | delete
    Hi, Simey - thanks so much for your kind words! There were, of course, many men who did understand but this piece wasn't about that... It was just one piece of how I dealt with my rape - this is the anger side of the coin!

    Yes, I've recovered! Thank you so much for that wish :) This actually was a turning point for me, causing me to open my heart which had been shut down due to my father's death 16 years earlier. Trauma can do that! So there was a silver lining in there.

    And it isn't entirely fair to mankind! I was in a therapy group run by a wonderful man, with several good people some of whom were males.
  • SimeyC Jul 23, 2009 @ 7:35 am | delete
    Wow - I am so sorry about how you have been treated by men - not just the rapist....he has no excuse, but he is obviously sick - it's the men who treated you as if it was your fault that are just as sick.....6 weeks to recover...you have to be kidding - I hope that after nearly 30 years that you are close to recovering.....hopefully sharing this story will make MEN think and maybe somewhere a policeman will read this and change his methods....
  • Val_Bonney Jul 23, 2009 @ 5:41 am | delete
    DAnnieB - thank you so very much for sharing this experience in such an honest way. I felt very moved by your poem and the story that followed. Your understanding of the rapist's damaged psyche is admirable ... I hope that one day you will find a way to understand the policemen's damaged psyches, too, so that you will be able to truly free yourself from the damage they caused you. They had the power then ... don't let them hold it any longer!

    I don't want you to feel like a victim, but I do want to give you a supportive virtual hug. May all good things come to you and your loved ones in the future. Val xx
  • Kate-Phizackerley Jul 22, 2009 @ 7:14 pm | delete
    One of the most important lenses on Squidoo.
  • DAnnieB Jul 22, 2009 @ 1:55 pm | in reply to Froggi | delete
    I appreciate the kindness and love, tender-hearted cousin! But, please, don't let your heart break! I like anger and outrage much more! One of the reasons it's difficult to share stories like this is that pity can make you feel like a victim rather than a survivor! What happened has only made me stronger and taught me a lot (no thanks to rapist or these a-holes I write about!) But again, thank you for your love -- you're a doll!
  • Froggi Jul 22, 2009 @ 1:26 pm | delete
    My heart is breaking reading this....I've been through some terrible things in my life but nothing to compare to this. I'm glad you survived and I'm glad you had the courage to write this. Love you cuz!

by

DAnnieB

I'm a bunch of different things, expressed here and elsewhere. Mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, small business woman, Quaker, single woman, caretak... more »

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