Top 10 Things I Wish Were Real

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Things I Wish Were Real

Think back to when you were a kid and the world seemed magical and full of possibilities. (Coincidentally, the world also seemed that way the last time I was intoxicated. Which was yesterday.) The sky was the limit. Your parents told you that you could become anything you wanted to be. You could do anything you wanted to do.

This page is written in the spirit of that same childhood wonder and fascination. If there were no limitations and I could bend reality to my will, here is a listing of the top 10 things I wish were real and they were all mine! Nah nah nuh boo boo.

Sorry, I don't like sharing. You'll have to deal with it. On with the wishes!

10. Ewoks

I want my own pet Ewok. And no, you can't touch it.

EwokEwoks are awesome. They're fuzzy and furry and funny but they can still open a can of whoopass if the situation calls for it. (Especially Simon the Killer Ewok, but that's another story...)

My pet Ewok would just so happen to be the most awesomest Ewok in, like, ever. He would have a mohawk and drink beer and if you made him mad, he would poop on your carpet.

Ewoks do that.
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9. I Wish Smurfs Were Real

The whole flippin' village.

Smurf berries for all!I'd have the entire Smurf Village chillin' at my crib. But they would have to duck my cats. I mean, we all saw what happened with Azrael, Gargamel's evil kitty. She totally deserved an uppercut from Hefty Smurf.

The Smurfs would grow a huge stash of Smurf berries in my backyard. They'd harvest those bad boys and we would reintroduce Smurf Berry Crunch to the market. Aww yeah. But you didn't see that one coming.

Smurfin' right.
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8. I'd Have My Own Green Lantern's Ring

GL's sweet ringFor those of you not in the know, Green Lantern owns one of the most powerful weapons in all of creation--his super cool ring, which is limited only by his imagination and willpower. Yeah. It's like that.

GL uses his ring to create anything he can come up with. He can fly, shoot blasts out of his ring, create giant fists to punch jerks, whatev.

So if you come to my house, you would likely see a staff of bikini-clad green chicks picking up the house, cleaning out the garage, mowing the lawn and bakin' cookies. Reeeeaaalll good cookies. Nummies.

Green Lantern Ring

Green Lantern Ring Size 8

Amazon Price: $17.95 (as of 06/04/2012)Buy Now

7. Gizmo From the Gremlins

Don't you give him water!

Gizmo As with my pet Ewok, Gizmo is mine and you can't touch him. You can look at him and get sorta close, but don't touch him or I'll stick you in the arm.

Gizmo would be all BFF with the Ewok and ride around in his pouch. He would occasionally go outside to oversee the progress of the Smurf berry patch. If it turns out my cats like him, I guess he could jump on their backs and ride around all cowboy style. Only if it was cool with them.

Gizmo knows he can't eat after midnight (I'm guessing that is Central Standard Time) and he can't have water. If he tries pulling that crap, he's totally grounded. Don't even think about it, Giz.

Gizmo Doll

Gremlins doll

Gremlins Gizmo 8 inch Plush Doll by NECA

Amazon Price: $21.13 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

6. I Wish My Action Figures Could Talk Like On Toy Story

It would be a battle royale! (That means a big fight.)

Superman vs Thundercats!Holy jeez would that be sweet. I'd get to watch Iron Man take on the Terminator! Captain America versus the Punisher! Superman versus the Hulk! G.I. Joe vs the Transformers! He-Man versus the Thundercats! OMG my own geekiness just gave me a headache...

On the real, every time I left the room it would be on like Donkey Kong. But I'd set up hidden cameras to capture them on film. Yeah...that must be how they filmed Toy Story.
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5. Snoopy Would Be My Dog

Too cool for school.

Snoopy and WoodstockEverybody knows that Snoopy is the coolest dog in town (although Krypto the Superdog is a close second) and he would follow me everywhere. While the other kids in the neighborhood were watching, he would do totally cool dog stuff. Plus he can walk upright on his hind legs and he's got an awesome theme song.

Other people would be like, "Can I pet your dog? He's so cool." And I would be like, "No."
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4. Optimus Prime Would Be My Car

And my homie.

Optimus PrimeI'd make Optimus transform constantly because that transformation sound is so cool.

I'd say, "Hey Optimus!"

"Yes, Alan?"

"Transform!"

*Sigh* *transforms*

And everytime we would get ready to leave the house, I'd make him say, "Autobots...roll out." And that would be sweet.

Optimus Prime Action Figure

Transformers G1, Transformers generation 1

3. Mr. T And I Would Be Besties

Technically Mr. T is already real, but the fact that we're best friends is not. This is my fantasy, so I get to make the rules. Suck it.

Hanging tought with Mr. TMr. T would be my roommate and we would hang out and pity fools together. For breakfast, we would enjoy a giant bowl of Mr. T cereal (2 spoons, 1 bowl) while discussing current events. During the day, we would go out and get in fights with fools. At night, we would sit at the house watching the Mister T cartoon and being really angry about stuff, yet somehow managing to still respect our mamas.

Yeah...that would rock hard.
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2. I'd Own the Time Traveling Delorean From Back To the Future

And I wouldn't take you anywhere.

Back To the FutureI'd own the Delorean, but Doc and Marty wouldn't be anywhere in the picture because 1) I don't share and 2) their sauce is weak.

Sometimes I'd let Optimus follow me when I was driving my sweet Delorean around and other times I'd make him stay at home. Imean, I am the boss of him.

When it came time to visit other eras such as the 80s, I'd charge up the flux capacitor and dump my garbage in the gas tank and leave a trail of fire behind me. After I got tired of all the tall bangs and decided to travel back to the present, I'd bring back VHS tapes, a Rubix cube and some leg warmers. Uh, those are for my girlfriend.

Back To the Future Delorean Toy

Back to the future toys

1. I'd Have My Own Royal Blue Lightsaber

Pimp juice!

Blue lightsaber for cutting off headsIf I had the world's first royal blue lightsaber, I'd be like the boss at the final level of a video game. Everybody would be trying to beat me but they couldn't because I would cut their heads off with my ultra-rare royal blue lightsaber. Even ninjas.

When I sometimes take a break from head chopping, I would invite my friends over and make them watch me practice lightsaber fighting. I'd make that "whoosh" sound that lightsabers make and everybody would be like, "That's so cool."

And it would be cool. So cool.

Star Wars Blue Lightsaber

Star Wars Clone Wars

Which wish is your favorite?

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Comments

What did you think of my wishes? Weren't they sweet, cool, etc? And what would you wish for?

  • Rafstafari Apr 28, 2012 @ 1:33 am | delete
    God i need that ring to create green chicks! Hmmm but the lightsaber for chopping heads... Hmmm i think i'll still go for that ring! :)
  • elynmac Feb 13, 2012 @ 7:57 pm | delete
    I would like to be able to see elves, tomtens, and fairies, and have conversations.
  • SimonJay Nov 21, 2011 @ 3:56 pm | delete
    Some great ideas here like the time travel idea would be very cool
  • Shadrosky Aug 2, 2011 @ 5:05 pm | delete
    I hit "Like" on this lens when I saw Ewoks at #10 and hadnt even seen the rest. Then the remaining 9 were awesome too, so good job!
  • JeremiahStanghini Mar 12, 2011 @ 7:53 pm | delete
    Gotta go with the time travelling car... :-)

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jeremiah
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