Tribute to "The Real World's" Joey Kovar - The Most Intense Man Alive
Ranked #21,606 in Entertainment, #263,508 overall
I'm Joey. Ohhh yea, brother!
Alright, enough of this pansy shit. Let's get to the real reason you're here: to validate your belief that I'm the most intense man you'll never meet. Need proof? Read on, but take some supplements while you're at it, bro.
Keep in mind...
This is Joey writing, brother! You better believe it. I strangled that clown and now it's just you and me. OHH YEA!

Need proof that I'm strong? Oh, here you go.
Me arm-wrestling some loser...
Arm-wrestling = Cool. Joey arm-wrestling = AWESOME!

I'm pretending the bag is your face!
Be afraid!
I heard the energy I generated by punching this bag started an earthquake somewhere. That's just what I heard, though. It's not a fact, but it's definitely true.
Take out your anger like Joey!

Me about to kill my roommate
Wearing my t-shirt in the hot tub

The ladies love me
Do you blame them?
Everyone is attracted to me, and I don't blame them! Look, fellas - if you're attracted to me, it doesn't mean you're gay. If you want to make sweet love to me, it doesn't mean you're gay. If you want to move to Canada and marry me legally, it doesn't mean you're gay. It means you're human.

Alcohol fears me!
Mmm, steroid cocktail...
I often wonder what the alcohol thinks when it's swimming inside my body. Is my liver making it stronger? Are the whiskey shots high-fiving the jager shots and then spotting each other on the bench press? Are the Heinekens trying to hook up with the Smirnoff Ices? It's impossible to tell what's going on inside there, but one thing's for sure: it's a party, bro.
My greatest quotes...
"You know what? I'll put it away. I will. I'll put it away."
My roommate told me to put away the wine, and then more...0 points
"Oh oops, oops, OOPS! I'm out of here, right? Come on, punch me!"
This is what I said to my roommate after going aro more...0 points
"Oh did they say something? I didn't think so."
I thought I heard my roommates talking sh*t about more...0 points
"They're f*cking scared cuz I'll knock 'em the f*ck out in one f*cking punch!"
I meant it when I said it! I totally could knock o more...0 points
"You know, I do my hair and work out all the time. I keep myself up to look good."
This is what I told one of my girl roommates. I wa more...0 points
"Nobody believes me, but one day everyone's going to wake up and say 'Where's Joey?' And Joey's gonna be gone, man."
Sometimes men cry. When Joey cries, you pay attent more...0 points
"This hurts to admit, but I'm a f*cking loser."
I was joking when I said this. I swear.0 points
"I just hate being babysat like a baby."
Come up with a more effective simile than that, to more...0 points
"What f*cking man that's 24 years old that just so he could look good and become something won't have a beer for the dedication to look like this? THAT'S a man. THAT'S dedication."
I had to tell my roommate off. Some people just do more...0 points
"They all think they got the power, but when I send my family over here... (maniacal laugh)"
There's nothing more manly than making vague threa more...0 points
Cheap prices buy anabolic steroids
See http://www.buy-anabolic-steroids.net
CLENBUTEROL,DIANABOL,ANABOL,WINSTROL,DANABOL,STANOL,D-BOL,PRIMABOLON,AZOLOL,ANDRLIC,OXANDRLONE,DECA,BONAVAR,ANDRIOL,CYPIONAX,DANABOL more...0 points
"Go buy a Smokeless Cigarette right now" more...0 points

Glimpse greatness! YEA BROTHER!
I broke my shirt... OOPS!
My body's a modern miracle! I'm like a real live Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Wear Joey's clothes!

You can't stop a REAL MAN!
How dare you!
Sure, I might have told him I had a drinking problem in the past, and I might have told him I didn't want to drink anymore, but SO WHAT?! I'm Joey, brother. Next time you try to tell me what I can't drink, I'll ask how much you weigh, then double that amount, then I'll squat that many pounds. That'll make you think twice. Boo ya!

Wine is strong, but not as strong as my calves!
Keeping it classy
Anyways, a lot of guys have asked me, "Joe, how can I act like a man but still be a class act?" You see the picture above? There's your answer. The girl that was watching me drink that bottle fell in love with me on the spot. Why? I was a class act for drinking wine! And she couldn't believe how manly I was for drinking straight from the bottle! Cups are for losers and yoga instructors. What MTV doesn't show you is me smashing the top of the wine bottle off by breaking it over the girl's face. I keep it manly, and the ladies flock to me!

Oh snap!
Stolen goods
Best case scenario = I get to fight my roommate.
Worst case scenario = I get to kill a few brain cells on someone else's dime.
It's a win-win for me!

And the sun isn't even out! OOPS!
I didn't know Hercules was real
Girls lay in my bed a lot. If they're still alive after a few hours with me, I give them a ticket to the gun show, brother. By the way, Tuesday is ladies' night: Look at my arms between 9-11pm and I'll take supplements while holding you in a headlock!

I'll crush your bicep with my bare hand!
They all think they got the power!
When you look at me, you don't do it in a funny fashion. I shouldn't have to explain myself. You only look me in the eyes if you want to arm-wrestle. No exceptions. That goes for you, too, ladies. You keep your eyes on the prize, aka my body, at all times. I'm a piece of meat for you to ogle at. OHHH YEA, BROTHER!

I see you!
Zzzzzzz Bro!
What, did you think that parts of my body were weak? You didn't think it was possible to do eyelid curls? I'm going to make a believer out of you, brother! I push every single part of my body to its limits! I use a staple gun on my eyes to toughen them up. Sometimes I'll ask a friend to go to town on my stomach with an ax. Sure I bleed a little, but I keep telling myself: that what doesn't kill you (but still brings you pretty close to death) will only make you stronger. Whoo!

How dare you argue with me!
Verbal smackdowns aren't as fun as arm-wrestling
Some people have this limiting belief that the human body can only take so many supplements, curls, steroids, etc. before it collapses on itself. Well, those people have never met Joey, brother. Here's a true story - I was bench pressing a thousand pounds this one time, and it was easy for me. OHH YEA!

...
Um... well.
Want to be like Joey in just a few days?
The Steroid Bible
Amazon Price: $77.79 (as of 06/03/2012)![]()
This will tell you how to get huge, brother!
Time to Vote on Joey, Bro!
Joey's in rehab...
Oh nooooo, brother. No more alcohol for Joey!
How do you feel about Joey going to rehab?

Good for him! He needs to quit drinking.
jeffwend says:
Too bad he can't go to jack a$$ rehab.
It sucks! He's hilarious when he's wasted.
The truth...
What's your favorite Joey moment?
Put it down here. Ohhh yea brother!
-
-
Nov 9, 2010 @ 11:12 pm | delete
- Nice lens! Great information. Your readers might also be interested in smokeless cigarettes and smokeless cigarettes reviews information. Feel free to visit and leave a feedback!
Good luck!
-
-
-
Eric
Oct 29, 2010 @ 10:32 pm | delete
- When got mad at Greg for making fun of him for wearing a wife beater in the hot tub and he was like, "I aint no pretty little white kid! I don't care how big you are, or how tough you think you are I will knock your ass out! Don't talk shit. Don't!"
-
-
-
May 28, 2008 @ 4:03 pm | delete
- That was a hilarious read. Almost enough to make me watch the Real World.
But not quite. Still, great lens.
-
-
-
streak_tlu May 27, 2008 @ 7:18 pm | delete
- Great stuff Charlie. Really funny, 5 stars!
-
-
-
ElizabethJeanAllen
May 27, 2008 @ 3:36 pm | delete
- Joey's a character.
Lizzy
-
- Load More
by choehn
Hey, I'm Charlie. I was one of Seth Godin's virtual interns during the summer of 2008.
- 5 featured lenses
- Winner of 7 trophies!
- Top lens » How to Make a Great Slideshow
Explore related pages
- Best of Funny Quotes on Twitter Best of Funny Quotes on Twitter
- Funny One Liners Funny One Liners
- The Best and Most Insulting of Insults The Best and Most Insulting of Insults
- Aesthetics Crew Aesthetics Crew
- Funny Hangover Quotes Funny Hangover Quotes
- Movies & books that help us understand mental addictions Movies & books that help us understand mental addictions
