What You Thought Rebuilding Trust in A Relationship is About But Really Isn't

What is the most common complaint in relationships? You guessed it right, trouble communicating. We've heard it thousands of times before and obviously we are still doing something wrong. Let's think about it is the problem really communicating or something else? Normally, communication in a relationship is not about being understood. It is how you handle what the other person thinks and feels. Even giving the silent treatment is communicating. That's when you really don't want to hear what the other person has to say!

When you are able to deal with the situation, honesty is strengthened. Whenever honesty is in a relationship, you evolve more as an individual and closer as a couple. Through this development you are able to reach new heights of intimacy. However, this level of honestly is not for the faint-hearted because as the significance of the person increases, the degree of meaningful honest communication decreases. Why is that? Because their response to what you think has more of an impact on you and that involves risk.

How do you improve your communication skills? No one is a mind reader so you need to speak up! That doesn't mean being rude or obnoxious, it means stop waiting for the other person to pick up that you're upset, hurt, or lonely. When you have had a stressful day tell your partner that you are stressed and need some time to cool off. Basically, say how you feel, make it obvious.

Last but definitely not least-grow up! A lot of times we want things yesterday, not today or tomorrow, but right now. Life doesn't work that way and neither do relationships. We can't have our way all the time. Rather than seeing your partner as the person who doesn't understand you, see them as the one who wants you to be a better you. This will not only help to rebuild your relationship, but help you grow as a person.

How often have we heard that phrase? What does it mean? Very simply it means-being straight forward, saying what you mean. If you aren't speaking straight forward, showing sincerity, then trust begins to be wear away at your relationship. Oftentimes, your partner doesn't tell you when you are being dishonest they want to see if you will step up and admit it on your own. And if you continue the charade, believe me, they are keeping a tab to see how long the dishonesty will last.

Showing sincerity takes confidence and courage. That means being able to accept responsibility for all of your actions. Before we expect others to understand who we are we first must understand ourselves and not shifting the blame or making excuses.

Self-awareness is critical in our growth. Know what your trigger points are and be consciously aware of how you feel, what you say, and your intention behind it. How often have we been guilty of saying something then later on wished we never said it? The challenge is to stay in the present and not bring up past faults.

Many people say that there are two sides to a story. I believe its three sides to a story-your side, my side, and then the truth. Don't close yourself off from listening and receiving the message. Be open and share how you feel without fear of acceptance. You must be true to yourself. Also, being a victim in a relationship only causes misunderstanding and confusion. Instead of starting your sentence with "you did", start with "I feel"; this encourages you to clearly say what you are feeling inside. Showing sincerity, taking responsibility, and having courage are the keys to rebuilding trust.