Lister the last living human 

Red Dwarf. The funniest show on TV. The show which persuaded Patrick Stewart (Jean Luc Picard) of Star Trek fame to reputedly call his lawyer until he saw the show. If you haven't seen it, I suggest that you go out and buy the DVD's straight away. All of them.

The plot is very simple. The asteroid mining ship Red Dwarf meets with a tragic accident which causes a radiation leak, killing all the crew except one. Dave Lister

Captain Hollister:

Lister, not only are you so stupid that you bring on board an unquarantined animal and jeopardize every living man and woman; not only that, but you take a photograph of yourself with the cat and send it to be processed in the ship's lab. Now I'm gonna ask you this: do you have a cat?

Lister: No.

Captain Hollister: [showing a photo of Lister holding his cat] Do you have a cat?

Lister survives because after smuggling a pregnant cart aboard he was sentenced to 10 months in stasis and Holly the computer keeps him there for a million years until the radiation is cleared from the ship.

In order to save Lister's sanity, Holly has used the latest holographic technology to create a hologram of Lister's crewmate- all round good guy (what am I saying?) sorry, the most underhanded, treacherous cowardly, shall I go on? creature in the Universe.
Arnold Judas Rimmer.

Lister ties the knot. 

A J Rimmer-a hologram 

Arnold Rimmer, reputedly responsible for the accident to Red Dwarf died in the resultant radiation leak but has been brought back to life as a hologram by Holly the ship's computer.

Arnold's hobbies include Hammond Organ Music and Telegraph poles. Oh and running away from danger at every opportune moment.

Career to date. Technician. Has tried and failed his officer exam a few(?) times.

His knowledge of SpaceCorps directives is encyclopedic (or so he believes).

"Lister, what makes us different from animals is we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals"

A tribute to Arnold 

Holly-the ships computer. 

Holly has a super IQ It is the most intelligent supercomputer ever developed by man. It's wit and intelect are second to none.

Unfortunately, a million years on your own does tend to do strange things with the mind.

"I am Holly the ship's computer with an IQ of 6000. The same as 6000 PE teachers."

Smeg!!! 

Hilly - a female Holly 

Hilly is the Red Dwarf computer from a parallel universe. She is Holly's second love, the first being a Sinclair ZX81. Holly is so much in love with Hilly that he decides to become her.

Rimmer:"I mean what period in history it is, dingleberry breath. What's the year?"

Holly:"Well, I'd need some more data before I could give you a precise answer..."

Rimmer:"Like?"

Holly:"Well, this year's calendar would be handy!"

Kryten A Series 4000 mechanoid. 

Kryten is a Mechanoid found on a derilict ship by the Red Dwarf crew. He is very useful, having been programmed for domestc duties. Kryten has a truly encyclopedic knowledge of SpaceCorps directives and ironing.

"Sir, this can't go on. The Cat's looking geekier than a science fiction convention, and Mr. Rimmer is... well... likeable."

Kryten, master of the practical joke. 

Cat-The coolest thing in space. 

Decended from the original ship's cat Frankenstein Cat is the last in the evolutionary chain of his species.

Athough displaying remarkable human-like qualities Cat is still 100% feline. He loves to eat fish and in one episode is seen to mark his territory with a spray can of cat musk.(See quote 9 below). Evolution in action.

Cat is the snappiest dresser in the Universe. His fashion sense is the stuff of legend.

"Innards and lavender! I think I can carry that off"

The Scutters. 

Small mechanical robots programmed to do maintenance duties aboard Red Dwarf. Possibly their funniest moment came while plotting an escape from the Red Dwarf Prison Deck. Their version of the "Great Escape" theme is the crowning point of the last series.

"Da Da, Dat Dah D Dat Da, Da Dah d Dah Da Da Da Da Da."

If all else fails Listy, hit it. 

Red Dwarf on Amazon 

Red Dwarf Complete Collection (18DVD)

Amazon Price: $190.99 (as of 07/09/2008)

Red Dwarf - Series 8

Amazon Price: $34.99 (as of 07/09/2008)

Red Dwarf - Series 1 & 2

Amazon Price: $48.96 (as of 07/09/2008)

Red Dwarf - Series 7

Amazon Price: $34.99 (as of 07/09/2008)

Red Dwarf: Series 1

Amazon Price: $26.99 (as of 07/09/2008)

Red Dwarf quotes insults and any other funny stuff I can think of. 

1. Top position goes to.
   "He's a Smeeegggg.....Heeeeaaaaaddddd" Kryten who is programmed to respect humans is being trained by Lister to insult Rimmer.
   .
2. Holly: "Purple Alert, Purple Alert."
   Lister: "What's a purple alert?"
   Holly:"Well it's sort of worse than a blue alert but not quite as bad as a red alert."
   .
3. Rimmer " I'm invoking Spacecorps regulation 234/62"
   
   Kryten "But sir, whjere are we going to find 2 live chickens and a rabbi?"
   .
4. Cat "Is that what I think it is?"
   
   Lister "What do you think it is?"
   
   Cat "An orange whirly thing in Space."
   .
5. Kryten "They;ve taken Mister Rimmer Sir. They've taken Mister Rimmer"
   
   Cat "Quick let's get out of here before they bring him back"
   .
6. Cat "All in all a hundred percent successful trip"
   
   Kryten "But Sir we lost Mister Rimmer."
   
   Cat "All in all a hundred percent successful trip"
   .
7. Rimmer "i'm invoking SpaceCorps directive 34124
   
   Kryten "No officer with False teeth should attempt oral
   sex in zero gravity."
   .
8. Rimmer: "Listy, Listy, is that a small sewage plant you're carrying in your trousers or do I detect you're a tad nervous?"
   .
9. Cat: Hey, this is mine. That's mine. All of this is mine. Except that bit. I don't want that bit. But all the rest of this is mine. Hey, this has been a really good day. I've eaten five times, I've slept six times, and I've made a lot of things mine. Tomorrow, I'm gonna see if I can't have sex with something.
   .
10. Cat: Don't fish swim south for the winter?
    Kryten: That's birds, sir.
    Cat: Birds swim south for the winter? How do they breathe?
    .

The Red Dwarf Theme 

Official and unofficial links 

Red Dwarf Official site

The home of Red Dwarf

Red Dwarf at the BBC

First shown on BBC2 this is the Beeb's site. Take the quiz.

The Official Red Dwarf Fan Club

May the Farce be with you.

PileOfSmeg

More Red Dwarf Links

Cool Red Dwarf Stuff 

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Red Dwarf Products 

C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S. Rectangle Magnet

from Barry's World

Price: 6.99

Smeghead!: Sticker (Bumper)

from Beauteous Boutique

Price: 4.99

Purple Alert! Women's Cap Sleeve T-Shirt

from Barry's World

Price: 24.99

So you think you know about Red Dwarf 

Even more brain busting. 

Smarter than a mechanoids rectum.