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Redneck Christmas Tree

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Christmas in Redneck Country

(With apologies to Clement Clark Moore)

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Billy Bob and Mary Sue were in a quandry:
"We're as poor as a mouse.

"How can we deck all the halls with good cheer?
We've got twenty-five dollars and a tree
We chopped down, and we're here
In the middle of redneck country."

So they piled in the pickup, three kids in the back.
To the hardware store they drove;
It was the only place open on Christmas eve night.

So what happens to our redneck couple Billy Bob and Mary Sue and their three younguns? They arrive at the hardware store with $25.00 in hand. The saga continues ...

Start with Natural Garland

Mary Sue wanted to start with some garland. They headed to the gardening aisle where they found a lovely natural twine. "Heck," they said, "the city folk pay big dollars for this."

A Touch of Red

Next, Mary Sue added red ribbons to her natural twine garland - bandanas cut into strips. "Now, the city folks would really fork out some big bucks for this fancy garland," she said.

A Little Sparkle

Billy Bob happened to see some sparkly wing nuts. "Just tie these onto your red ribbons," he told Mary Sue, "and you'll add a little sparkle to your tree."

Touch of Snow White

Billy Bob next found a package of white washers. They will add the effect of 25 sparking white "snowflakes."

A Project for the Kids

"We wanna help, we wanna help," the kids kept clammering. So Billy Bob and Mary Sue picked up some woodcraft biscuits and craft paints. (Back at home, Billy Bob used one of his many tools to punch a hole in one end, and Mary Sue helped the little ones paint colorful designs on each one. "Now, that's what I call real designer ornaments," Mary Sue said.)

Finishing Touches

As Billy Bob and Mary Sue wandered down the last aisle, they happened upon a display of wire. "There's some lovely wire," Billy Bob said, "Let's use it to attach the sparkly wing nuts and designer ornaments."

A Happy Ending

The clerk at the hardware store added up their purchases - $23.75! As they surveyed their purchases, they realized that their Christmas tree would be as beautiful as any from the big department stores. Billy Bob, Mary Sue and little ones gathered their treasures and headed back to their home in the country.

They sprang to the truck and packed in the kids,
And away they all drove, mud flaps flailing behind.
But I heard them exclaim as they headed back home,
"Merry Christmas to all from your rich redneck friends!"

Footnote

This page is the result of the lens prompt from Kimberly Dawn Wells: "$25 to spend at the hardware store." I immediately thought about integrating a Christmas theme, and my daughter and I quickly thought of the Redneck Christmas Tree. Since I grew up in the country, I'm allowed to tell redneck stories. So what do you think?

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MobyD Dec 5, 2008 @ 11:20 am | delete

5 stars! I've lensrolled this to my Hay Visage form Sane Ticklish lens.

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sandyspider Dec 3, 2008 @ 12:51 pm | delete

I just thought about my cousin. Her name is Sue and her husband's name is Bob. They are always sending me redneck jokes.

Nice job!