Redneck Christmas Tree

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic by 15 people | Log in to rate

Ranked #1,265 in DIY, #22,409 overall

Christmas in Redneck Country

(With apologies to Clement Clark Moore) 

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Billy Bob and Mary Sue were in a quandry:
"We're as poor as a mouse.

"How can we deck all the halls with good cheer?
We've got twenty-five dollars and a tree
We chopped down, and we're here
In the middle of redneck country."

So they piled in the pickup, three kids in the back.
To the hardware store they drove;
It was the only place open on Christmas eve night.

So what happens to our redneck couple Billy Bob and Mary Sue and their three younguns? They arrive at the hardware store with $25.00 in hand. The saga continues ...

Start with Natural Garland 

Mary Sue wanted to start with some garland. They headed to the gardening aisle where they found a lovely natural twine. "Heck," they said, "the city folk pay big dollars for this."
Sorry, there are no results available from Amazon.

A Touch of Red 

Next, Mary Sue added red ribbons to her natural twine garland - bandanas cut into strips. "Now, the city folks would really fork out some big bucks for this fancy garland," she said.

RED BANDANA - O/S - RED

$1.59 for each 22-by-22-inch bandana. Cut into two-inch strips, you can get 10 to 20 strips to add to your garland.

Amazon Price: (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

A Little Sparkle 

Billy Bob happened to see some sparkly wing nuts. "Just tie these onto your red ribbons," he told Mary Sue, "and you'll add a little sparkle to your tree."

1/2-13 WING NUT Box Qty. / 10

A box of 100 for only $9.95 will add lots of sparkle!

Amazon Price: (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

Touch of Snow White 

Billy Bob next found a package of white washers. They will add the effect of 25 sparking white "snowflakes."

Nylon ANSI Flat Washer #6 Wide .156" ID x .562" OD x .04" Thick (Pack of 25)

Only $1.25 for 25 little snowflakes.

Amazon Price: (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

A Project for the Kids 

"We wanna help, we wanna help," the kids kept clammering. So Billy Bob and Mary Sue picked up some woodcraft biscuits and craft paints. (Back at home, Billy Bob used one of his many tools to punch a hole in one end, and Mary Sue helped the little ones paint colorful designs on each one. "Now, that's what I call real designer ornaments," Mary Sue said.)

Sargent Art Set of 6 Acrylic Paints in .75 fl oz Jars

This little set of craft paints is only $3.99. The kids will have a great time painting their own special ornaments.

Amazon Price: (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

Finishing Touches 

As Billy Bob and Mary Sue wandered down the last aisle, they happened upon a display of wire. "There's some lovely wire," Billy Bob said, "Let's use it to attach the sparkly wing nuts and designer ornaments."

Ultra Wire Color: Copper; Size: Large

$1.15 for a small spool to tie on dozens of ornaments and sparklies.

Amazon Price: $1.15 (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

A Happy Ending 

The clerk at the hardware store added up their purchases - $23.75! As they surveyed their purchases, they realized that their Christmas tree would be as beautiful as any from the big department stores. Billy Bob, Mary Sue and little ones gathered their treasures and headed back to their home in the country.

They sprang to the truck and packed in the kids,
And away they all drove, mud flaps flailing behind.
But I heard them exclaim as they headed back home,
"Merry Christmas to all from your rich redneck friends!"

Footnote 

This page is the result of the lens prompt from Kimberly Dawn Wells: "$25 to spend at the hardware store." I immediately thought about integrating a Christmas theme, and my daughter and I quickly thought of the Redneck Christmas Tree. Since I grew up in the country, I'm allowed to tell redneck stories. So what do you think?

submit

Ready-Made Christmas Tree Decorations 

For those of us who don't want to make our own!

Here are a few Christmas tree decorations for us city folk who secretly wish to live in the country!

Snowman 65in Scene Setters 2ct

Bring a show man and his lovely wife right inside! 65-inch tall and 33 1/2-inch wide plastic cling decoration.

Amazon Price: $5.99 (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

Olive Wood The Angel's Prayer Ornament.

Add a special touch to your Holiday Season this year with Olive Wood Ornaments. This ornament comes with the natural bark of the Olive Tree. This unique design was exclusively hand carved in Bethlehem, the Holy Land using a scroll saw. Ready to hang. Comes with a golden string and an explanation card. $4.99

Amazon Price: $4.95 (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

Bethlehem Lighting Pre-Decorated 9-Foot Festive Red Berry Collection Garland Pre-Lit with 100 Clear Lights

Pre-decorated red berry garland adorned with bright red berries and lights. Pre-lit with 100 clear mini bulbs. Lights are UL listed for indoor or outdoor use. Measures 9 feet long. $25.00

Amazon Price: $43.99 (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

Art Poster Print - Country Christmas - Artist: Jeanette Key Saicheck

This Country Christmas Poster is made with High Quality Poster paper and is made for years of enjoyment. Primary poster color= Dark Green** Secondary poster color= cream. $12.96

Amazon Price: (as of 11/29/2009) Buy Now

by AnneEasterling

Drupal web developer (especially theming!), community advocate for Yoursphere.com, the teen network that puts Internet safety first and gives parents... (more)
Create a Lens!