RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THESE....

Upon meeting a woman, middle aged, short and full figured, with a pale complexion and dark hair. An interesting thing happened.

In the description of herself, she gave herself the label (tag) of a healer, with numerous qualifications to back this statement up. She was friendly and cheery towards me, even suggesting that I should come for a healing. During our conversations on this particular day, I began to notice - how ill at ease she was becoming. Her attention shifting, unfocused. A short while later, when we came face to face again it was obvious that she was extremely uncomfortable. Fidgeting, shifting her body weight from side to side, scanning the room, glancing at her watch every few seconds, shallow breathing, anxious.

What was going on here?

She then stated that she was waiting on a client for a healing. In an instance it all made sense. This woman was interacting with people from a blinkered view. What she was seeing were $ signs walking around. Money, money, money. You, or you, or you?

The dinner bell had rung when a person accepted her business. They became the potential tool for making money. She began salivating at this prospect. Waiting for the meal-ticket to show itself was inducing fear. "How much longer do I have to wait?" "What if it doesn't come?"

Fear brings the shutters down in an instance. Nothing else exists until its hunger has been satisfied. Then the cycle starts up again. Here in this space and time, emotional intelligence will not arise.

The universe extends beyond our narrow mindsets. It has a wealth of miracles ripe for the picking.

Our three children, aged between 2 and 6 are a blessing. They have a striking conviction of the heart. A living example of the greatness of love. These physically small people have within them the capacity to evolutionize humanity. The secret to creating this reality lies in our hands (the parents).

Our children are challenging us to open up. Extraordinarily, they are binding us together as a family. Some time back when Michael and I were in an intense argument, our eldest daughter who was then 5 interrupted. What she did in that moment stopped us dead. She looked at us both and said in a soft voice, "Let's build a home together." Next, we received a warm hug.

The power of now, this very moment, determines the quality of our relationships. It is what we do in this moment that can produce outstanding results for us as a family.

Amazingly, it is our children who are taking us by the hand and gently leading us on the path to knowing love.

You know what it's like. You go into a relationship all fired up with high expectations. Everything is going swell. You might even go into the sanctimony of marriage. Still, everything is swell.

Then, one day you come to realize that the life you thought that you were going to have with those high expectations hasn't happened. Frustration sets in creating a ground swell of resentment, guilt, anger & a pile of other dis-satisfied emotions.

Wam!

Life slapped you in the face and what did you do about it?

You whined and moaned, and of course blamed the other party. Ever heard the saying, "familiarity breeds contempt." Well, by this stage, your up to your neck in it. Who needs enemies with relationships like these?

Unfortunately, for most people they are in love with 'being' in love. They think that it is all a bed of roses. Real life just doesn't enter into their heads. Loving takes staying power and a firm grasp on reality.

But don't worry, you can put your feet firmly on the ground and get your head out of the clouds and stop daydreaming, with some simple and effective 'Rules For a Happy Relationship.'

1. Acknowledge that your relationship is in trouble and is sinking fast, that's if it is still afloat. You may require some scuba gear for salvaging.

2. Work through the problems with your partner. Here's a clue - the problem in not them.

3. Face what you fear, and just do it! Fear has no teeth and will not bite you in the arse. For that experience visit your neighborhood dog, antagonize it for awhile & Bob's your uncle.

4. Do what you say that you're going to do. Simply follow through.

5. Ask for help. Hiding under a rock, pretending that everything is ok will only sink your relationship faster - a B line to the bottom.

6. Have 'relationship' goals. It is not all about you.

7. Take action and make those goals a reality. No room for daydreaming here.

8. Check-up on your 'relationship' goals regularly to see that your relationship is moving forward, not going backwards, sideways or up & down like the financial markets. Stability is the key to relationship success.

With these easy 'Rules for a Happy Relationship' you can love the person you're with.

"Some people look in the mirror to see who they are -
but if you really want to know who you are, look at the friends that you choose." Chinese Proverb

The relationships that we choose are a mirror image of ourselves. Our friends and lover's reflect the qualities that we have within.

Dating is only Scary, when we do not understand the complexity of all the experiences and feelings that go into making what dating is. By breaking it into pieces, then getting a grasp on these pieces, we can bring them together to make a whole. Not daunting at all.

~ We peer at Love from a distance, squint at its brightness, then peer some more, more, more, and more. Dissecting it. Analyzing it. Then, either running to it or away from it.

Love or the lack of Love, lies beneath the motives of our dreams, desires, ideas, words and actions.<<<>>>

Where do we begin, for where is the beginning?

Where does it begin; more specifically, with whom does it begin?

Daddy.

How does the father/daughter relationship come into play when it comes to the dynamics of the relationship between men and women?

Let's investigate one of the possibilities...

Permission to be sexual, on the recommendation by our fathers for when we are to be sexual, with whom we are to be sexual, thus meeting the need of his perception. Would this need for fathers to control their daughter's sexuality, be an extension of the "protector role" that they had when their daughters were younger. i.e. taking care of their little girls.

I recall the fairytales, which I grew up with and that my daughter is attracted to today, where the princess's in the stories were always being watched over by their fathers, then fate would intervene with the loveliness, and the princess's would be tricked into a dangerous situation. Being unskilled in escaping from the evil, they would then be rescued by the handsome prince.

When these fairytales are taken literally in this modern world, they appear to mean that young women, are to look good, but are contentious and mentally inapt to handle life situations. The dumb blonde syndrome. Given this interpretation, they require a man to resolve their stupid errors, be responsible for them, make the decisions, and keep them supposedly safe, fabricating normality. Firstly their fathers, then their husbands. Falling angels, quietly collaborating, dutifully, their sexuality impeded by the impeccable rules of masculine ideology throughout their lives.

These same stories when told in days past, were seen symbolically and as valuable resources in relationship to understanding women's psyche. Fortunately, there is a resurgence in this method of storytelling. Women have the opportunity to be guided into the sacred dimensions of their sexual selves, where they get to "know" themselves intimately, and mature their sexuality, empowered by awareness, with the freedom to credibly choose their own sexual experiences.

In the unconscious of every man there is a hidden feminine personality, and in that of every woman a masculine personality ~ C.G. Jung, The Archetypes of the Collective Unconsciousness.

Ying and yang, resides within us all. Yet, do we, as the individuals that we are, achieve a true balance of these contra-sexual energies, living fully as the sexual beings that our biological nature urges us to be?

Stunning young women elegantly attired in gorgeous evening gowns, "picture perfect princesses" are accompanied by tuxedo-clad men, their fathers. All, indulging their appetites with a sumptuous banquet before the formalities begin.

In front of families, friends and their local churches, these young women, some who are in primary school have pledged to protect their virginity until marriage. "Purity" Balls are a happening event. Over 1400 of these gala events, with thousands of young women in attendance, have been held across America this year.

"Purity" balls are the brainchild of the controversial abstinence movement that is sweeping America. In1996, the US Congress allocated $250 million (US) for public schooling nationwide to implement abstinence only sex education. Now, programs that are being publicly funded number over the700 figure. These programs are preaching celibacy before marriage. There is no education on "safe" sex practices.

"Chastity chics" at the moment, rate close to 15% of all young women in America. When celebrities are endorsing the philosophies of abstinence, how can any "starry" eyed young woman not be influenced? Britney Spears, is one of the stars who has given their celebrity stamp of approval, but has this particular young woman herself, fallen? Twice divorced and a rehab-regular, Britney is no shining example for the cause for purity.

Psychologist, Cary Backenger says, "No pledge can counter the fact that teenagers are sexual beings post-puberty. With this in mind, are these young women destined to emotionally struggle with the sanctimony of the abstinence philosophies, warring with the core of their own sexuality?

War?

That is precisely what these young women's fathers are prepared to do. The ceremony at these "purity" balls include the fathers to stand and respond to the question, "Are you ready to war for your daughter's purity?" Aloud, the father's read, "I choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity." Their names are then inscribed before their daughters as witness, who in turn sign the documents themselves. Not only is the documentation proof of the pledge to chastity, the young women may display a 14 carat pearl and diamond purity ring, showing to the world that "I am in waiting."

So, in reality what does happen when these young women who have been educated with the abstinence only philosophies succumb to their biological calling for sex?

Fall.

Over half of the young women who have pledged, have sex within three years, and more than 85% have sex before marriage. National studies into adolescent sexual health have also discovered that STD's are significantly higher in communities with numerous purity pledgers. Pledgers are also more likely not to use condoms than non-pledgers for sexual encounters, including anal penetration.

Innocence lost through ignorance. The value of sexuality subsequently betrayed when the liberty of self-responsibility is dissolved.

TOO MANY FALLING ANGELS

Dating is like riding a wave. Sometimes you get "Dumped!"

The whole process of dating is emotionally demanding. There are expectations involved here, including sexual anticipation. Yours, and the other person's. The upside is that you can indulge your creativity and inspire the other person with your unique individuality.

Simply, individuality is "who" you are. Consider for a moment, that when dating, you are already known for what you "do". It is "who" you are that requires to be the "feature" of attraction. Excel in this, and you'll be on the crest, riding the dating wave.

Today's topic shines the light onto an often overlooked yet vital aspect to all relationships that exist. Whether these relationships are parent/child, friends, neighbors, business/client, sexual, or any other combination of relationships, communication is the key element in all relationships.

COMMUNICATION

Communication comes in a wide variety of mediums. Body language/gestures, verbal language, signing, the written word which could be with pen onto paper, typed letters, newsletters, reports, magazines, e-mails, internet web sites, internet blogs, e-books, videos, DVD's, telephones that are landlines, mobile, and the list goes on.

With all these forms of communication how does a lack of communication come about?

We all have a voice. Not everyone uses their voice in a clear or effective manner.

Our emotions basically govern what comes out of our mouths, or through our fingertips, or displayed in the body language and gestures that we use.

When one of these is incongruent with our behavior (how we act) it is SHOUTING OUT LOUD, something, some form of communication, is being withheld.

One could miscommunicate that which they are relaying to another. One may not communicate at all that which they could say but do not - non communication. Even the differences in communication styles between the sexes; men and women can create misunderstandings in the message getting across.

All of these attribute to a lack in communication.

Essentially, the other person does not know what we are thinking. It is up to us to get what is in our heads, out of our heads in a clear and concise manner so that it is easily understood by the other person.

When doubting whether your communication is being effective, ask.

Tips pointing the finger to ineffective communication.

The other person appears confused, as they keep repeating the same question over and over again.

Why?

You may not be giving specific and clear details to your message for it to be understood.

Solution ~ Listen, pay careful attention to what is being said to you. Get a grasp of what level of understanding the other person has.

E.g. The other person may wish to know how to build a fence. They have asked you, the expert fence builder, to guide them through the fence building process.

What you the expert think is easy to understand everyday knowledge, could still be well over the heads of someone who is entirely new to this experience.

To communicate effectively to the novice you would require to see the fence building through their eyes and communicate on that level of understanding.

Miscommunication really is easily remedied.

When we begin dating, we are initially smitten with an aspect of the other person. That "something" we are drawn to. There is a sexual undercurrent present between you. It may be so subtle that you are not consciously aware that it even exists, or it could be a pull so strong that resistance is futile.

Sex appeal, that mysterious and sexually exciting enticement has snared you, reeling you in. Once hooked by this insatiable curiosity to unravel the sexual mystery, you are a goner; willing, even begging at times, to experience all of its delights and all of its unsuspecting pitfalls.

This is where we need to be completely honest with ourselves. Integrity, to STOP and THINK, before being swept away in the rush of sexual hormones.

What is your dating agenda?

e.g. Are you looking for someone to go "party" with - including having a sexual
connection?
or
Are you seeking that "special" someone who you would consider getting into a more
serious relationship with - maybe even leading into marriage?

When we have exposed to ourselves what our dating agenda is, it is then possible to access compatibility, therefore we are not sending out mixed messages by having a hidden agenda. It is then, we can clearly evaluate how to proceed to dating success.

So many of us have a black & white belief as to the outcome of what dating is to produce. The above, is a prime example fitting this belief. Yet, dating has so many shades of grey. We may date with the explicit intention as to only have fun, then as time goes by, our feelings change, hence changing the dating agenda.

Unless we are prepared to risk our beliefs, we will never know what is truly possible.

People need people.

People attract people.
(Can be sung to Barbera,s song.. People needing People)
It is how we attract people that attributes to relationship success.

A prime example of a wolf being dressed up as lamb, follows -

One would expect that a woman who portrays herself as being assertive, would also behave congruently (a vixen) in the boudoir.

"Out there" behaviour is not a guarantee of a highly charged sex drive. What you see, may not always be what you get.

There are women who exert all their energies outwards, always on the go socially, are career focused, and they spend a large proportion of their time "keeping up appearances."

The energy and time devoted on their inner-selves is minimal. Characteristically, their sexuality is a tight bud, emotionally and psychologically, it remains in a suspended state.

These are women who adopt a passive sexual role when it comes to sex. These women, emotionally still children, (kidults) are psychologically ill-equipped for mature, responsible sexual relationships. Basically, their sexuality is stunted.

They then set about luring the potential prospect with a portrait of false eroticism; then do an about face, once they have reeled them in.

Cunning, for how else would these women attract a mate if they were honest. The men would turn tail and run the other way, at speed.

Masquerading is commonplace. It is not only women who use bait. There are men who are prone to doing this also.

Dating is a curious thing.

Whoever controls the game controls the outcome.

The game, a deception can be challenged with integrity.

By raising the stakes, it is possible to double your dating opportunities.

Everyone has a price, one which they will accept.

Recently my daughter, who is of the age of six, and myself were in a store. As we were leaving, my daughter turned to me and said in a rather loud voice, "Mummy, look at that fat woman." I looked. My daughter's observations were in deed true. Before me stood one of the largest women I have ever had the opportunity of laying eyes on. It was not her size that took my breath away, it was her remarkable presence. It was as though I had been delivered into the hands of royalty. She stood there, tall, sure of who she was. Powerful. Adorned in a majestic, royal blue colored skirt. The sequins shimmered when the brightness of the overhead florescent lights shone upon them. The satiny fabric shimmied with her movements. The crushed velvet inlays gave a depth to her eyes. Deep, dark, pools containing her life's secrets. This has been one of the most humbling experiences that I have ever had.

It has been said that Saint Francis was capable of seeing beauty where others could not. Was he looking through the eyes of someone who had achieved an evolutionary emotional intelligent state of being?