(by 4 people)
Created by spirituality (contact me)
I have a tendency to react too quickly in case of any difference of opinion. Communication through e-mail makes that tendency all the more harmful, so... (more...)
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E-mail arguments can get out of hand too easily
When you are in an e-mail argument, it is very hard to get out of it again. This lens will tell you a few of the things to watch out for when trying to mend relationships through e-mail.
I learned this lesson the hard way in a quarrel with a teacher of mine. If you want to spoil a relationship: quarrelling through e-mail will do it.
This lens will teach you the reasons it's so easy to get lost in e-mail conversations, as well as the ways out of e-mail quarrels.
Quarrels should not be resolved through e-mail
TALK TO THEM! The best thing you can do, when an e-mail conversation has gotten out of hand, is to talk to that person face to face.
Missing body language
The limitations of e-mail as a communications method
- You don't get to see the other person's body language: how they look, how they react to what you say, how their voice changes
- They don't get to see YOUR body language
Normally we don't just hear the words people speak, but the way they say them. So when people just aren't very good with words - their intention still shines through.
Similarly: Your intention will shine through in face to face communication. Even on the telephone we have the information of how someone sounds.
In e-mail all that's left is the words - and most of us aren't professional writers.
"Ranting is fine, just don't SEND it (immediately)."
Take your time, sleep on it, be slow
Take your time. Things will look different after you've had a cup of tea, read a book, slept on it, worked in the garden etc.
Write your heart out, and save.
Then do something else.
Then look at what you've written and edit
Then, perhaps, it's time to send your e-mail out.
Disagreements have a tendency to escalate
Don't apologize through e-mail
If you are in a fight, and you overshot yourself, and need to apologize don't do it through e-mail. This may be hard, but it really will work better.
Because Netiquette Matters!
Because Netiquette Matters! Your Comprehensive Reference Guide to E-mail Etiquette and Proper Technology Use
Amazon Price: $20.99 (as of 05/20/2008)
The ultimate guide on how to behave online. It is very easy to get into trouble online and this book will help prevent the worst.
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Apologizing through e-mail will be misunderstood.
Everything you say will be used against you.
Every explanation will sound as self-justification.
Every explanation, however well meant, will make your apology sound weaker.
So if you do have to apologize through e-mail:
MAKE YOUR e-mail APOLOGY SHORT
Internet Etiquette in the Age of the Blog
Netiquette: Internet etiquette in the age of the blog
Amazon Price: $24.50 (as of 05/20/2008)
How to keep it cool when you have your own weblog, or when you comment on other people's weblog.
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The big exception: when long and thorough IS appropriate
Relationships that only exist online...
This is true, but there is an exception. Do make your apology or explanation as elaborate as you want if:
- The relationship is online totally
- The conflict is really a misunderstanding, more than a matter of bruised ego's and too quick responses.
More information on Netiquette
Keeping it sweet on the internet
Netiquette (Internet Etiquette)
Good tips on how to behave online.0 points
Be forgiving of other people's mistakes
From 'the core rules of internet etiquette'0 points
Etiquette - the Internet
More good tips on how to behave online.0 points
Fast responses: another reason it's easy to escalate online
These steps mean that it is very likely that between writing something and posting it - you got to think about what you had written.
On the Internet on the other hand everything is fast. E-mail is sent very easily. Just type and post.
It is possible to save a draft and look at it later, but that is more work than just sending it. (Note that with physical letters it is the opposite).
Because of the speed of e-mails, it is very easy to just rant and send. Unfortunately - that leaves other people having to read your most emotional and least considered words. It makes you look bad - and it spoils the relationship.
More books on Netiquette
The Rules to Be Cool: Etiquette and Netiquette (Teen Issues)
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Amazon Price: $22.60 (as of 05/20/2008)
Your experiences with online conflict
Any tips I should know about? Did this lens help you resolve or prevent conflicts through e-mail?
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spirituality
I meant: once the online relationship enters deep waters, most words will be misunderstood - which is why one should usually keep it short and sweet. Posted May 18, 2008 |
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spirituality
Hi Victoria, Posted May 18, 2008 |
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victoria_neely
Yup, been there--met my husband online, so this isn't alien territory for me. ;) My problem usually isn't ranting or being overly emotional in email, though. Apparently I just come across as very cold if I'm angry or frustrated. Posted May 18, 2008 |
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chefkeem
A very wise and useful lens. I'm actually in the process of shooting off an angry email. Your lens came at the right time for me...lol. ***** Posted May 07, 2008 |
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I'm a lensmaster, webdesigner an oldest child, an eternal student, a former teacher and single. Most of you know me here on Squidoo as lensmaster 'spirituality' - but I've also got a life outside my interests in spirituality (though perhaps that's n...
