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Your experiences with online conflict

From the lens Resolve a dispute through Email? with a friend, college, customer or your boss.

Any tips I should know about? Did this lens help you resolve or prevent conflicts through e-mail?

  • javrsmith Apr 15, 2011 @ 5:02 pm | delete
    Your lens has been added to my Top 10 Business Ethics lenses. Blessed by a Squid Angel.
  • clouda9 Dec 21, 2010 @ 5:15 pm | delete
    Great advice about resolving conflict through e-mail. I've been known to sit on a "sensitive" e-mail for days, actually rarely have sent one out. If anything venting/ranting made me feel better, gave me time to think about what I was going to say when I picked up the phone.
  • Flynn_the_Cat Sep 28, 2009 @ 5:34 am | delete
    I mostly agree - however, I have another exception for you: Introverted people having trouble talking to each other face to face, but are still a) good writers and b) willing to talk. Body language isn't much good if it's all deflection.... *sighs*

    Oh yes, and I am verrrrrrrrry guilty of the 'rant and send'.
    But I usually at least include a disclaimer >.>
  • spirituality Apr 20, 2009 @ 12:09 am | in reply to CoolFoto | delete
    NO negative personal comments? Well - that's an extreme I could never consent to. But I do agree they should be avoided. If negative feedback is to be given, do it verbally if you can. Sometimes however, one really cannot avoid it. Sometimes conflict cannot and should not be avoided.
  • CoolFoto Apr 19, 2009 @ 8:16 pm | delete
    I agree with the suggestions here and would add: Don't ever put negative personal comments in writing.
  • Treasures-By-Brenda Jan 18, 2009 @ 10:12 am | delete
    It is sooo easy to be misunderstood in an e-mail. I am very careful; when I know that I might be upset about something I wait (as you suggest) to send it at a later time.

    Brenda
  • a_willow Oct 8, 2008 @ 3:58 am | delete
    I never thought of that but all that you said here is truth! Lensrolled this to all of my negotiations lenses! ;)
  • aj2008 Sep 15, 2008 @ 4:10 am | delete
    This is all sooooo true! I have a three email rules that I try to stick to and that is never ever send an email when:

    1. Irritated or angry

    2. You have got back late after a couple of glasses of wine

    3. Be careful of using the "reply to all" feature - criticise privately, praise publicly

    Don't always keep to it, mind you....
  • rms May 22, 2008 @ 6:31 pm | delete
    Excellent lens about a timely subject! Thank you for adding this to the Our Favorite Squidoo Lenses group!
  • spirituality May 18, 2008 @ 4:50 am | delete
    I meant: once the online relationship enters deep waters, most words will be misunderstood - which is why one should usually keep it short and sweet.
  • spirituality May 18, 2008 @ 4:44 am | delete
    Hi Victoria,

    That's the problem with just having words: there are hardly words that can be used that DON'T come across as cold, or emotional, or cross, or sarcastic. The most nuanced sentence you can come up with will look political at best and will usually be interpreted to be written sarcastically or something (that's what I run into).

    Once the relationship is spoiled, most words will be read worse than they were meant. Which is precisely why I said to make it short, and why seeing that person face to face is the best option.

    Your point about relationships online is good. I put it up. Still, even in that case it will be very hard to mend things, because again: all you have are words.
  • Victoria_Neely May 18, 2008 @ 12:11 am | delete
    Yup, been there--met my husband online, so this isn't alien territory for me. ;) My problem usually isn't ranting or being overly emotional in email, though. Apparently I just come across as very cold if I'm angry or frustrated.

    I'm not so sure about short apologies. An apology that's too short can sound terse; it depends on the context. If you know someone entirely through the internet, and you don't speak on the phone, a longer email apology might be in order. If your apology is honest, and if you've let go of your anger, I think that sincerity will shine through.
  • chefkeem May 7, 2008 @ 1:46 am | delete
    A very wise and useful lens. I'm actually in the process of shooting off an angry email. Your lens came at the right time for me...lol. *****

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spirituality

I have a tendency to react too quickly in case of any difference of opinion. Communication through e-mail makes that tendency all the more harmful, so... more »

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