Responsible Living

Does any of this sound familiar?

o) You make a decision, and end up regretting what happens as a result.

o) You feel like your only options are bad ones.

o) You seek information to help you get out of your rut, but it never seems to help.

All of this is where we were about ten years ago. What we discovered is that there was one core belief underlying all of what was happening in our lives.

That core belief was this: I have no control over my life

Western society doesn't encourage us to think we have control over many aspect of our lives.

For example, we're encouraged to trust doctors for our health, to the point where doctors expect us to do whatever they tell us to do without question.

We're expected to trust religious leaders with our spiritual growth.

We're expected to trust our financial planners with our financial growth.

We're expected to trust our teachers for our education.

And yet in the news there is story after story about authority figured who abused the trust given to them. Even in those cases where trust isn't abused, we are not encouraged to evaluate whether the outcome is what we want.

You do have control of your life, if you stop giving power over to others.

Self help books are very popular, which shows that they're appealing to a basic need. People want to feel empowered, to feel that they have control over their lives.

What typically happens is that you read a self help book and think, "Yes, that makes so much sense!", and then go on doing what you've always done in your life.

Later, you might meet someone who is talking about their philosophy of life, and you'll say, "Oh, that's just what this author was talking about in his book."

Instead of owning the information and incorporating it into your life, you've classified it as something that someone else does.

You've essentially set up the author of the book as an authority figure just like a doctor, religious leader, teacher, etc.

You've given up power to them, rather than taking it for yourself.

To really take control over your life, you must take ownership of the process.

When you hit your hand with a hammer once, and it hurts, you shouldn't be surprised when it keeps hurting as you keep hitting your hand with that hammer. Yet most of us keep indulging in self-destructive behaviors, expecting somehow for things to change without us doing anything different.

The core belief that is causing this state is: I have no control over my life

The core belief that must replace this is: I am the only one who is responsible for what happens to me

Don't worry if your immediate reaction is to reject that idea. That's normal, as your subconscious tries to maintain your existing set of beliefs.

Just remember, it's those beliefs that got you where you are now. If you're not happy, you're going to have to be willing to change them.

The rest of this series will cover a process that can, if you apply it and take ownership of it, lead you to being happier in your life.

You won't get there by just reading the material. You won't get there by comparing it to the latest self help book.

You get there by doing, and by being willing to change.

If you're ready, see the next lens, Discovering Your Values.